21-month old still not sleeping through the night

[pegasus02]

DD will be 2 in April, and still not sleeping through the night. She did it a few nights over Christmas, but not since. She wakes multiple times in the night crying, and she doesn't nap well.

We've done all the right things, and have spoken to the HV and even CAMHS. They assessed DD and said she's fine, just strong-willed.

Any other parents out there with an almost 2-year old like this? I literally don't know anyone with a toddler like this, and feel really sad and isolated. And absolutely exhausted....

[JessieLynne]

Hi, just wondering if your then 21 month old now sleeps through and what you did to fix it. I'm currently crying just as much as my 21 month old.

[Mamama21]

Same boat. DS is 21 months old in December & is up all through the night. He goes down like a dream for about 2.5/3hours but then he’s up, won’t settle, fidgets, screams etc. He’s in our bed most nights from 10.30pm as we just don’t have the energy to fight with him. The harder we try the more awake/alert he is. At the time I think I can’t do this but I do, and although I’d like some sleep I can’t grumble. He’s a happy boy and full of energy, I just can’t get him to self soothe at all, he has his dummies etc but nothing works.

[beckiebee04]

My DS has just turned one and I’m up in the night a couple of times, I’m searching on here for advice as it’s soul destroying and I feel I’m doing something wrong , my dd is 6 and she was a great sleeping , they di say no two are alike

[user1480880826]

This is really totally normal. Please don’t try to medicalise it. Some kids don’t sleep through until they’re much older. It’s just luck. Bad luck in your case.

My son didn’t sleep through until he was about 26 months. There was nothing wrong with him. He just liked the reassurance of seeing someone when he stirred at night. It is horrendous to be sleep deprived but only in our crazy, western culture do we expect kids to sleep through the night from the moment they are born.

[Jamhandprints]

Please dont go harsher on your next baby. Babies just need that contact during the night. I have 3 kids, 2 terrible sleepers, one amazing. They just came out like that. But all 3 have spent many years sleeping in our bed. DS1 came in every night at 4am until he was 5. Dd mostly cosleeps with me at 18 months. But they are little for such a short time, there's nothing wrong with sleepy snuggles.
If you view everything as a problem to be solved you will give yourself a very hard time as a parent. It is better to accept them as they are and find ways to adjust.

[BecauseReasons]

I really don't think any parents I speak to are lying though. These are normal adults, and I'm usually the one to bring up sleep. I can't imagine anyone wanting to lie about something so... unworthwhile.

I do when people bring it up, and am a 'normal adult'. I just say mine sleeps really well to stop people offering me unsolicited advice about it. Also, it's not lying because she does sleep well, just not all night. If pressed on whether she sleeps through I say 'mostly' because she doesn't usually take very long to resettle and most adults don't get through a whole night without waking, so why would I expect a toddler to?

[MaisieTheCat]

My two were both the same. Eldest started sleeping through about 50% of the time when she was 3. I know it’s hard, I just let them in my bed (and didn’t tell anyone who asked as I didn’t want the judgement ) as its the only way to get sleep.

I means this nicely as I know it’s so hard - but maybe none of the other adults are talking about it as it’s quite normal and they’ve accepted it in their own kids? I mean I never talk about my 2 not sleeping as it’s so normal and also boring for other people to hear, so most people I know would probably assume my kids sleep fine (when the reality is I share my bed with both most nights). I really do mean that with the best intentions, there’s nothing worse than feeling exhausted.

[user1483387154]

my son was 2 years 4 months before he started sleeping through .... but he still wakes at 4am and nothing will make him sleep in longer than that.

[Tatiebee]

I don't think it's particularly uncommon, certainly my middle and youngest children were like this. Nothing I did helped really but eventually they did sleep through on their own.

[SleepWarrior]

For mine, somewhere between age 2 and 3 was when proper sleeping through the night started. Age 4 was when it became the norm, with just occasional hiccups due to bad dreams/being poorly. Nighttime milk was axed long before so it wasn't that, just personality I think.

[SinkGirl]

My twins are 3.5 and have always been dreadful sleepers. They are both autistic and that seems to be a factor for them.

Either they are exhausted in the day and have a nap, then take 3-4 hours to get to sleep at night and wake a bit, or they don’t nap, go straight to sleep but wake up about midnight and can be awake for 3-5 hours.

It’s worth cutting out naps to see if it helps, even if the naps are currently poor. I know this is no one’s favourite change to make though!

Mine improved when we started giving them only water when they wake in the night.

[beckieperk]

Ds2 for all he's a crap sleeper he can sleep through any noise (if he falls asleep with it) party, fireworks, ds1 playing his games etc.

Sorry, I really didnt mean to make you worry more. I was just stating what happens in my madhouse!! My friends eldest never woke when she had number 2. So I really think it just depends. Plus, there's not loads you can to about it really. So just do your best to get dc1 sorted, if it doesn't happen, you will survive. Or buy a bigger bed??? 🤷‍♀️

[Elbeagle]

what if DD continues to be a poor sleeper when the baby arrives and wakes them up, and what if the baby wakes DD up?

When DD2 was born, DD1 was still a horrific sleeper. She was up 3/4 times a night screaming hysterically. DD2 was also a very poor sleeper as a baby, for the first 6 weeks she was attached to my breast from 11pm-7am and screamed or removed.
We had to divide and conquer basically! DH dealt with DD1 while I looked after the baby. They didn’t tend to wake each other.
DC3 is 12 months and still wakes 2-3 times a night. I definitely rush to attend to him quicker than I would if I didn’t have a 6 and 4 year old who need their sleep for school.

[pegasus02]

beckieperk that's such a good point re not waking other children in the house. I'm terrified about this - what if DD continues to be a poor sleeper when the baby arrives and wakes them up, and what if the baby wakes DD up? DD seems to need complete silence to sleep, like she'll wake up if I blink next door. I wonder if second-borns learn to be less precious?

[beckieperk]

Hi there. I'm totally with you. Ds (was 2 in december) and was poorly with croup in november and I was letting him sleep with us as i was worried about him. Now he wants this every night. I'm exhausted. He is sometimes awake for up to 2 hours, just wide awake. I do whatever I can to get sleep. Can't let him cry as he wake DS1(8) who has to go to school obvs.
I'll watch the thread for any advice. Might try the big boy bed. God knows what to do.
Good luck everyone.

[RandomMess]

Sounds horrible my thoughts from what little you've said.

Naps usually wane between 2 & 3.
If she feeds to sleep in the evening then she'll need to feed to sleep in the night.
If you don't like
Her in your bed try with her own mattress on the floor
Some DC just love/need the close the contact to feel "secure" or relaxed to sleep...

No shame in co-sleeping, she won't be in there when she's 12!

[pegasus02]

Thanks for the continued sympathy and the tips. Hadn't occurred to me to drop her nap, as I thought this happened a lot later, like around 3? Plus she seems dreadfully knackered by around 1, doesn't seem possible to power through.

I really don't think any parents I speak to are lying though. These are normal adults, and I'm usually the one to bring up sleep. I can't imagine anyone wanting to lie about something so... unworthwhile.

[littlestrawby]

I don't think it's beyond the realms of normal but it is terrible!!! I have a 25mo, she magically started sleeping through at about 23 months (literally happened overnight, the previous night had been her usual hourly antics).

That lasted about a month and now we're back to the usual wake ups. But she slept through again last night...not sure what my point is, but having experienced her magical transformation that has happened once before, I'm holding out hope that we will get there again soon!

Hang in there, hopefully that transition will come for you soon too

[Shmithecat2]

Ds is 4.3y and has only slept through a couple of times (and that's will a later bedtime - 9-10pm through to about 7am). I've not had him assessed for anything, I don't think it's anything out of the ordinary tbh. Yes, its exhausting and frustrating, but he doesn't like sleeping alone. Just like many adults don't 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Elbeagle]

Also, people with great sleepers early on may find it all changes. My best friends daughter slept through from about 3 months until 2 years. She’s now 4.5 and hasn’t slept through since she was 2. Whereas my poor sleepers as babies now at 6 and 4.5 sleep a solid 7-7 every night.

[Whereland]

Another one here with a just turned 2 year old who doesn't sleep through, has done maybe a handful of times since being born. It's not ideal but it's also not unusual. Some of friends have great sleepers but a lot are also in the same boat as us.

[Salene]

My Son is 5 and in P1 at school and has only recently just started sleeping through the night. Up till recently he would wake different times a night and want in our bed. Yes it's exhausting especially after years of it. No advice, nothing worked for us he just slowly grew out of it.