How do you get 3 month old to nap without waking and crying??

[Muse84]

Well first of all, how do you get them to nap in the first place?!

I only just put two and two together to realise his constant daytime grizzling/shouting is tiredness (I thought boredom OR overstimulation 😳). But when he suddenly dropped off just now I had a lightbulb moment.

So I want him to sleep but he won't. I'm flexible with timing and location, not looking for a routine. Just for him to sleep when tired

Then... Once he is asleep...How the hell do I keep him asleep beyond 30 mins without waking and immediately crying? It's so disheartening

He's such a good boy and nights at fine thank god. But his constant shouting and lack of apparent outward happiness is making me miserable. And while I love him dearly, I'm not enjoying being around him at the moment. Just fed up.

(Oh he does sleep in pram when out but I can't pound the streets in the freezing cold three times a day)

[Muse84]

I should clarify, he's EBF and definitely more frequently than every 4h
I don't know why I said it as it was only a fleeting idea for that day based on what someone else advised worked for them (based around a routine!) it wouldn't have worked for us cause I have always fed on demand which is on average every 2h. It's why i get agitated when relatives stay and try to be the ones to comfort him, (I mean when they continue when it's clear he won't settle)....as I want him to have 24h access to the boob!


On another note we just went for a long walk (after a feed). He stayed awake and happy the whole way there! Then after getting a bit aggy he fell asleep for the return journey. So I'm beginning to wonder if his catnaps have a pattern, and it's not just a case of "put him in the pram at any time and he will sleep". My trusty notebook should reveal if this is the case!!

Ps sorry for such detail but it may help anyone else in the same position, goodness knows I've read enough posts recently to see if anyone has similar issues to me!


Thanks again for all your support and advice

[crazycatlady5]

Hang on breast or bottle fed? 4 hours is a huge length of time for a breastfed baby.

www.parentingscience.com/infant-feeding-schedule.html

[CappuccinoCake]

Do you know he's not hungry?! Every 4 hours would be very unusual for a bf baby. Mine was more like every 2. Or sometimes 44minutea and sometimes 2 hours etc.

I fed and snuggled and sometimes they'd drop off sleepy after a feed. Boob fixed most things though.

Also mine never did long naps. She just didn't go over an hour even when older. Some babies don't.

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

My second turned 3 months this week. Sorry to say he just falls asleep wherever he is and whenever he wants. He will probabaly only sleep for 20-30 mins at a time, unless we are out when he manages to sleep for a few hours. There is no pattern at the mo. He's probably had about 6 naps today. But he's happy so I might just keep going as we are instead of trying to get a routine.

My first kid - needed complete darkness and white noise, in his bedroom only. Maybe int the car but only if we were going at 80mph constantly. I had to rock and shh him to sleep until he was about 18 months old. Cranial osteopathy helped in the early days (forceps baby, headache etc). Could that be the case for you? If he roused at the end of a sleep cycle I would do shh-pat.

[crazycatlady5]

Really useful link here..

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/11/01/in-defence-of-cat-naps/amp/

[SeaToSki]

Also, if you are on a pram walk and need to stop walking, try and jiggle the pram, so the movement keeps going. I remember leaving big gaps in front of my car at the traffic lights and then every 10 secs creeping a little closer so that there was still car movement and my dc would hopefully not wake up. I would have my fingers crossed that the lights would change before my space ran out. Crazy looking back on it, but a well rested baby is worth the effort!

[SeaToSki]

I think some babaies just arent born with a well developed ability to switch off and sleep and then switch on and be awake again, and other babies are more able to do that from younger. I think those that struggle have to be helped with the transition until they can do it on their own and the really tricky bit is figuring out when they can start to do it on their own, so that you dont become a crutch for them when they are capable of self soothing.

I really liked one chapter in the happiest baby on the block book by Harevy Karp. He has the 5 S of getting a baby to sleep.

Swaddle
Shuush
Side or stomach (for winding them down only, not for sleeping)
Sway/swing
Suck

He has a blog, if you dont want to read the whole book (and I found a lot of his other suggestions useless!)

www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/blog/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies

I also find that you have to get quite vigorous when swaying and noisy when shushing. I spent a lot of time doing a sway from side to side while also bouncing up and down kind of dance, and even now if i hear a baby crying i sometimes find myself doing the ‘sway’

[Muse84]

• friends with older children
  
  Sorry for typos - should really preview before posting!

[Oly5]

I think you all need to accept that all your babies are normal! Short naps at this age are entirely developmentally normal. And yes, they tend to nap best and mostly will only nap in your arms or on the go in the pushchair or in the car.
I’m on my third child (he’s 14 weeks) and they’ve all been the same. They nap for much longer periods when they’re older.
It’s perfectly normal not to be able to get anything done with babies this age. Don’t worry, just enjoy the cuddles. I also agree that its fine to breastfeed for every grizzle.. it’s rhe ultimate comforter!

[Muse84]

I feel your pain!

My little one naps if I catch him almost before he shows the tiredness signs. I can then guarantee he sleeps either by

• putting him in bouncer and playing loud white noise (sound sleeper app is great)
  
• putting him into the pram and leaving house very quickly!
  
• breastfeeding and giving him a cuddle (holding while he sleeps)
  

They're still only 30 min naps but no sad angry baby so far today!

I've taken heart talking to friends rough older children who suddenly remember theirs went through a similar phase (th suddenly remembering gives me hope because it means it's just a distant memory for them!)

[theotherendofthesockportal]

I have found my people! DD is 17 weeks old today and will only nap for 30 mins in the day. It's impossible to get anything done, I see bottles and washing mounting up :(

The last couple of days she is refusing to go to sleep at all, and is fighting the sleep and getting very angry. She has been awake since 7.30 with a 15 min snooze whilst she was driven home from a group.

The screaming with rage because she is tired makes me feel stressed and anxious, I know baby crying is intended to do this to mothers biologically. Following this thread for useful tips

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

You can never spoil a baby! Nobody would ever look back on having a baby and think 'well I shouldn't have cuddled you as much!'

I would always recommend trying to nap with him as much as possible. I still get one cosleeping nap a day and mine are 13mo and 2.9 years!

[Muse84]

Thanks again!

Floral- definitely not reflux or colic happily, quite confidently ruled this out 👍🏻

Dry heave- I'm sorry you're going through similar but good to know we're not alone!

And ven, you're right... If it becomes a problem it's not insoluble! I have thought that before (God knows I see enough terrible sleepers on those terrible nanny programmes! Not that we'll ever get to that!!)


We've had a great day so far. Two naps of 30 mins on his terms and he woke up happy from both. Earlier he wouldn't be put down and I was like "please just let me dry my hair so we can go out!" Then I realised he needed to feed and nap. So I lay down and napped with him which I have never done. Happy baby again, currently sitting playing for a little while on his own (for the record my plans to go out were very loose, we'll just go out later. Had it been to meet people I would have washed hair much earlier and let him nap in pram on the way there). I just have slightly crazy hair now!

So I think we'll go with the flow and desperately try to ignore anyone who says I'm spoiling him. I'm still able to get out and do what I want/need to do. And he still sleeps like an angel at night, allowing us to have an evening alone.

Sorry for lung slightly boring post! Just feeling a bit more positive

[FloralSocks]

It could be nightmares, that would make sense with what you are saying. How heartbreaking poor little sausage!

Assume you’ve ruled out any common medical issues that can cause these symptoms such as reflux or a dairy allergy? Eg if he has reflux perhaps 15-20 mins after he lies down his milk comes up and the stomach acid burns his throat? Could it be that? Just a suggestion, perhaps you’ve already ruled that out.

[DryHeave]

I’m with you. I can get him down for 45 mins at 8:30am. Then I’ve taken to doing a really long walk in the morning and he’ll sleep 10:30-12:30 in the pram. This sets him up for the rest of the day and the afternoon he’ll catnap and sometimes I have to feed him to get him to have some snooze time at the breast. I’m hoping the walking will also help with the excess(ive) baby weight!

[Ven83]

We went through the same, it's really so frustrating. Started when he was about 8 weeks old I think, went for the next 2 months. Then I tried lying down on my bed with him and feeding him to sleep, and he started doing 1+ hour naps that way. He's 4.5 months now and still catnaps when he's anywhere else but cuddling on the bed with me. I just accepted it and use that time to get some rest myself. I don't worry about sleep associations etc. If it becomes a problem, we'll find another way.

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

Getting boob out for every single grizzle is absolutely ok with EBF babies. Don't read stuff that says otherwise!!

[Muse84]

Thank you! Advice and your own experiences make me feel so much better

He's feeding as I type, having woken up from a really cosy 45 min nap in my arms (I was asleep too!) suddenly full-on crying inconsolably. It's almost like he's not fully awake as he's not really looking at it registering me. This kid does not enjoy waking up, the closest that j can liken it to is that he's having nightmares

I'm so glad to know others went through this and came out the other side!

[Amatree]

Reading your post reminds me that my entire life used to revolve around his napping needs at that age, I was obsessed! Failure to nap meant such hideous evenings that I put a lot of energy into ensuring they happened...20k step days were common! It will pass though

[Amatree]

At that age my DS was the same-30 minutes and bang he was awake. So he took four and occasionally five naps a day. I worked on a two hour max awake time and he usually needed pram to nap so I would time trips out so he'd snooze on the way there and back. Luckily as he's got older he sleeps happily in bed and naps have lengthened. He's 14 months now and have one sleep of about two hours at lunchtime which is soooo much easier to work around than the continuous power naps a year ago! I really do feel your pain but I think you just have to go with the catnaps until he grows out of it.

[Buglife]

DS was like this, they need to sleep however and wherever you can make that happen, and at 3 months they won’t just sleep when they are tired! We ended up rocking and dummy. Also he slept longest and beat on me so that’s what I did at least one nap a day (usually more!) until he was much older. Probably about 7-8 months! Sling naps and buggy naps as well. He never slept alone in a cot/Moses basket until about 9 months old. But when he was rested and slept at least every 90 mins he was a delight when he was awake. I soon realised sleep was the key and if my life was all about getting him to nap for a while then at least we didn’t have screaming. Dummy and sling was the best for us.

[TeddyIsaHe]

If you’re breastfeeding he needs more feeds than 4 hourly, breastmilk is digested a lot quicker than formula, so 2 hourly feeds are more likely.

He’s probably hitting the 4 month sleep regression (google it) so his sleep will be off for a while yet. Feed him lots and try not to stress about it! Easier said than done I know.

[Muse84]

Thanks all, I may just do what I need to ensure he gets enough sleep over the course of the day. This seems to be walking with pram which is no bad thing!

I have a sling but he's less keen on it than he was a few weeks ago. I use it now if he's so overtired he can't sleep.

Dummy- no luck though refusing bottle (breast milk) for last couple of weeks too. Was only giving it to keep him used to it as EBF....but apparently that didn't work out!

Re feeding every 4h...this is a general guide and I'm following his cues. I had been feeding on demand and getting the boob out every single time he grizzled before now.

I just don't understand why there are so many sources of information saying "don't give them lots of sleep aids, they won't self settle" and "don't breastfeed them to sleep, they'll never get to sleep any other way". Why all the worst case scenarios that make you worry you're creating a little (cute) monster?! It's so confusing and stressful as a FTM

[InDubiousBattle]

Also, feeding ever 4 hours seems infrequent to me for 3 months, ds was fed every 3 hours and dd every 2 hours at this age.

[InDubiousBattle]

He isn't trying to manipulate you. When babies are very tiny they need milk, warmth and to be near you and generally if those needs are met they sleep. As they get a bit older they need active input to sleep, for some it' movement, some it's milk, others it's white noise etc. At 3 months my ds napped one of two ways; in my arms after milk with a dummy- if he stirred he would latch on again have a bit more milk and fall back to sleep and in the buggy with a dummy. Sleep associations are not necessarily a bad thing of they work. Does he have a dummy?