Anyone used a sleep consultant - wondering whether to invest

[catsarenice]

DS is 7 months and is terrible at night. Used to be able to bf him to sleep then put him in cot (I know, I know) but now he will not stay settled in cot or if he eventually does it will be for absolute maximum of 2 hours but usually a couple of minutes maybe 10. He must've had about 3 hours sleep max last night. He also won't nap in his cot - has to be in pram or car. He doesn't always need bf back to sleep just wants cuddles and he sometimes let DP do it. Really at my wit's end with sleep deprivation and need a solution. Is a sleep consultant worth it? Not willing to leave him to cry himself to sleep beyond leaving for a couple of mins to see if he settles.

[ImprovingMyMH]

still, we used a sleep consultant ~5 years ago. She helped us to stop DS BFing to sleep, to transfer his naps from the car or pram to the cot, and to get him to sleep in his cot all night. DS has gone through different sleep phases since then, but these weren't too bad.

[catsarenice]

He slept better last night - only woke 3 times, gave him the breast back to sleep and he let me put him back in his cot. Had baby Mozart playing all night so perhaps that was it!

[cansu]

If you can afford it and just want someone to reassure you on the right way then do it. However there us no magic wand. There will be sone crying while your dc gets used to sleeping without cuddles. If you cant face this at all then you will have to get used to being sleep deprived.

[LapinR0se]

I used a sleep consultant for my baby and I liked her so much that I ended up working for her (just doing admin, I have no sleep consultancy expertise).
I have seen her help hundreds of families and there has not been one case where the interventions failed.
There is crying though. Anyone who tells you that you can break long standing sleep associations and ingrained habits without crying is mistaken.
However a good sleep consultant will know how to manage crying to create minimum distress for the child and parent. This plus aftercare support is what you are paying for.

[FreddoFrog]

Sounds promising! Best of luck

[catsarenice]

Thank you Freddo that sounds like a good plan. Going to give it a good go next week when back to normal routine and all coughs/colds/chicken pox have cleared up

[FreddoFrog]

Could you use your sleep book to help formulate a plan during the day for what you will do at night? Make a plan and stick to it. Things tend to go out the window at 3am and all feels hopeless but it will go better with a plan that you worked out ahead of time.

Consistency is key here.

Also, you have a window of opportunity now for sleep training as baby is relatively stable (developmentally) at 7 months. Soon baby will develop separation anxiety and that would be a really difficult time to sleep train. If you and baby can't get the hang of things now, I would wait until baby is 12 months and try again. 12 months is a good, stable time to sleep train.

[catsarenice]

The Baby Sleep Guide by Stephanie Moddell. She mentions all the different methods, even the ones she doesn't seem to agree with such as cry it out but does seem keen on gradual withdrawal. Seems kinder on paper cos still in the room and even touching/patting/shushing baby, but when they're still screaming and you know picking them up will stop them being upset it still seems harsh! I think if I could get him to take a lunchtime nap in his cot it would be a massive improvement so think I'm going to start with that one but not until schools go back so I can get in a proper routine. So glad I haven't got to go back to work for a few months - hats off to people who have loads of night wakings and then have to go to work

[stillwantrachelshair]

When asking this question, you need to find out how long ago the family had the sleep consultant in and whether it worked long term. Four or five friends used sleep consultants &, whilst they had initial success, it only lasted until the next cold/teething/holiday to knock things out of routine and then the whole house of cards came tumbling down and they were back at square one again, although less exhausted than they were as they had had some sleep in the meantime.

[HeCantBeSerious]

Which book did you get, OP?

[Purplebluebird]

She is firmly against any crying.

[Purplebluebird]

Sarah Ockwell-Smith is one who does online consultantions. Also has a "gentle sleep" book.

[catsarenice]

My sleep book arrived! So it would seem I'm doing everything wrong and based on which strategy I choose DS is going to cry lots in some way or other Think I'm going to stick with chanting 'please go to sleep' every night instead and praying!!

[ImprovingMyMH]

FATE, I completely agree that sleep consultants don't have a magic wand - they just use evidence based strategies to improve children's sleep. But the point is that they usually do this when the child's parents are at the absolute ends of their tether (and, funnily enough, when they're not in the best mindset for researching evidence based strategies etc.).

It's fine for some people to not want to use a sleep consultant. Just like it's fine for other people to want to use one.

[FATEdestiny]

network = newborn

[FATEdestiny]

Have you not learnt lessons so that you might better know some things to do with your next child ImprovingMyMH?

I know I made mistakes and learnt lessons with each on my children in regards to sleep as babies. There really is tons of advise out there to help. The problem is that in the moment, when you have a network and all these expectations, logical and rational thinking can go out the window.

All a sleep consultant does is talk you through the logical and rational options, their time frames, likely outcomes and so set your expectations with an organised plan of action.

They save no magic wand. They have no different techniques that are not already widely avaliable and discussed.

[Itscurtainsforyou]

I'd love to know how you get on OP. My 1 year old used to sleep through, now refuses to sleep in his bed and wakes 2+ times per night.

[ImprovingMyMH]

FATE, we didn't pay a sleep consultant so that we could 'dump the guilt and blame on them' . We paid them to help us to work out a gradual withdrawal strategy, and to support us when we implemented it. We were practically on our knees with exhaustion at the time, and we'd do it again in a heartbeat.

[FATEdestiny]

One of my four children wouldn't breastfeed and was FF from 3 weeks old. He was sleeping 12h solidly from 7 weeks old. It's a thing that happens. I had very different expectations with my 3 breastfed children. Although I started mix feeding DC4 at 4 months because I was much less precious about breastfeeding by then.

[catsarenice]

DD slept through from 6 weeks although she was formula fed

[catsarenice]

As I've said before I'm not expecting him to sleep through - he probably feeds twice in the night and the rest of the time he just needs settling. Once every couple of weeks he will only wake once or twice so I know he can do it. I can't catch up on sleep during day as he won't sleep in cot during day either - have to go out for a walk although it usually coincides with the school walks. I can survive on very little sleep but it's taking its toll now - couldn't get him down until 2.30am last night

[Redkite10a]

We had enough success with the slow and gradual thing we didn't need help in the end, but I've had two friends use sleep consultants and both saw a big improvement and thought it was worth it.

What I think helped is they had someone spend several hours going through what they did and then make suggestions for routine tweaks. Although with hind sight they were common sense, it wasn't changes we'd thought of when discussing previously. Both ended up doing a little bit of crying in the end after making quite a few changes, but it was only a little bit and both had tried crying previously without success, so the routine tweaks helped a lot.

If you have the money to spare, I think they can help.

[FATEdestiny]

I know he's really tired as will sleep on me or DP but immediately wakes up when put down

Transferring a sleeping baby is your problem. Helping baby to learn to go to sleep in the cot is the answer.

good tip for self settling

Provide as many forms of independant comfort that you can. Babies who "self settle" don't go to sleep with no comfort, they go to sleep using comfort mechanisms they can access themselves. So offer lots:

• dummy to suck
  
• comforter snuggle toy/blankie to cuddle
  
• repetitive movements they can copy, like patting their chest (they can learn to do this themselves in time)
  
• tickling face (many children learn to tickle their own cheek/ear for comfort)
  
• playing with hair (my son did this for self-comfort)
  
• something that smells of you, like an unwashed pillow case
  
• white noise drowns out background noise and is useful for a light sleeper.
  

He will probably still need the comfort and reassurance even with lots of independant comforters.

I also think you need to adjust your expectations. Night wakes until 12 months are well within normal expectations. Having the cot next to your bed makes life easier for everyone.

Can you catch up on sleep during the day?

[thekingfisher]

Btw I was only happy to let him cry for 30 secs initially and that's all we did.....

[thekingfisher]

I though #gailthefish comments somewhat harsh. I used millpond and they were invaluable. I didn't want to let my daddy cry it out - but he did need to learn how to self settle. They have me some very good guidance prep and support and guided me through it. I would have paid 10x the amount. Ds was sleeping through within 10 days after never sleeping through and waking at least 5+ times per night. Do it