Establishing a healthy sleep/nap routine for a 12 week old

[AndIAskMyself]

My DS is now 12 weeks old. He's always slept really well at night, a few weeks ago we did have a wonderful period of him sleeping 12 hours. He would do a long 8-10 hour sleep and then wake for a feed and would then go back down for a further 2-4 hours. This was short lived, and he does still sleep well, but he now tends to do 6-8 hours and then he will do a further 1 or 2 1 hour sleeps. Overall, not too bad for nighttime. We do feed him to sleep though - my partner gives him an expressed bottle before bed and there is a lot of use of white noise, and I do worry about the long term use of that. But for now I'm just going with it.

Where he isn't so great is daytime naps. There's some days where I cannot get him to nap whatsoever, and on those days he's obviously very cranky by the end of the day and just wants to feed and feed and feed. When he feeds he does often fall asleep at the breast, but will wake within 5 minutes. The ways in which I get him to nap vary - they work some days and not on other days. The times also vary because it can often take a long time to make a nap happen:

• I take him for a stroll in the pram along a busy road, this can take up to 40 minutes of whinging, but eventually the noise of the cars can send him off. He does also have white noise in the pram too on an old phone I have. This is where he will do his longest sleeps, but it does involve me walking with him for over an hour sometimes, and then he will often sleep so deeply that he will stay asleep when I'm home.
• in the car seat, but we live in London and don't drive anywhere, and I have to be in the back with him or he cries.
• I feed him until he's asleep, and then rock him for about 20 minutes and then I can sometimes put him in a cot, but sometimes he wakes straight away.

I read mixed things about napping - some people say to just keep doing anything you can to get them to nap, but others encourage self settling. But I genuinely cannot imagine a time where I'm able to put him into cot drowsy but awake and for him to actually go to sleep.

What is the key to getting them to self settle? Does anyone have any experience of a similar baby who then managed to get a good nap routine, and what did you do? Are there any good books - I know he's too young for controlled crying at this point.

[Lookinatu]

My dd is 11 weeks old and so far wakes 5/6am then feed then back to sleep until 9ish then feed then 1hr -90mins awake. Then sleep until 2 then feed then awake again (same time) then back to sleep until 6ish then bath, bottle and bed until 5am. So that's sleeping from:
7pm-5am ish
6am ish -10am
11.30 -2pm
2pm-5.30pm
She self soothes and I put her down now later than 90 mins from when she woke up.

[AndIAskMyself]

Wow, Lookinatu, your DD sounds like a dream baby!

Regarding reflux, he was out on ranitidine because when he was 6 weeks old he had two days of making scary gasping sounds and although he slept really well at nights, he was very restless in his sleep and thrashed around a lot. The ranitidine completely changed that and he now sleeps very soundly unless he's coming out of a sleep cycle and then he might have a couple of minutes of stirring, and then he will go back to sleep.

That said, in the day, although it's hard to get him to nap, he is very jolly (until the end of the day when he is cranky and over tired) and never seems to be in any pain whatsoever. And he doesn't have a problem playing on his back. But it's certainly worth considering, i'lol speak to the HV next week.

When you mention probiotics and enzymes, what do you mean? What would I buy/take?

[tootiredtothinkofaclevername]

There is sooo much mismanagement of reflux. I've never known a baby to outgrow it at 12 weeks if it is in fact reflux - and it sure sounds like it. It's good that he's jolly but if he can't settle then I'd take that as a sign that he isn't completely comfortable. HV although well intentioned have zero clue about drugs/reflux. You need a paediatrician. We paid for a private consult and it saved my sanity. The GP then changed the dose of the Zantac every week to keep up with growth.

Biogaia is the brand of probiotics you can give DS. I'll check what brand I take of probiotics and enzymes. It certainly won't hurt.

[Mirrorballfrog]

I have an 8 month old. I remember 3-5 months being hell tbh, I was desperately trying to get him into a routine to no avail. He was waking unsettled multiple times a night, wouldn't nap anywhere but the buggy and only for 20 mins at a time etc. It's only now he's dropped to 2 naps that he's put himself into a routine and he's sleeping better at night. We do have a very set bedtime and nap pre routine we never deviate from but he paid no attention to it til now.

If I had my time again, I'd not have bothered so much tbh. They find their own routines.

[HeCantBeSerious]

12 week old babies don't have brains capable of self settling. So forget that.

When my babies were tired I used to put them in their pram or pushchair and rock them back and fore, preferably over a bump or textured floor (threshold in a doorway worked when at home). I was behind them so they couldn't see me and often used white noise or a particular song that they'd known since before birth on my phone on repeat to drown out any stimulating noise.

This technique became so ingrained it was used on holidays up to the age of 4 or even 5 if they were in need of a nap but too afraid to miss what was going on. Was also brilliant when they had colds etc and couldn't get to sleep themselves as babies.

12 weeks isn't too late to start programming that.

[AndIAskMyself]

Really glad I posted because I hadn't really thought about reflux, partly because we were never totally certain he had it, but it makes sense. And I do know he dosage is weight dependent and I know he is on the lowest dosage. I think I'll get him weighed with the HV early next week and arrange an appointment with the doc. It's worth a try to see if it improves things.

But in the meantime I have been really pursuing getting him to nap. It's killing my arms, but rocking him is so much more guaranteed to get a nap. And he's just been so much happier each evening. He's still not napping anywhere near as much as he should, but there's more frequent naps and this evening has been so much more jolly. Would still love an alternative though.

[tootiredtothinkofaclevername]

Do you have a glider/rocking chair? It saved me with my refluxer. The Ines that recline are even better. Really vigorous rocking in a meth-lab -level dark room, white noise blaring away. Usually took 10 minutes
Of screaming but he would go off. You then need on wait at least another 10 until he's in the deepest part of sleep to attempt the dreaded cot transfer. Try lifting an arm and dropping it. If he stays asleep you're good to go. I highly recommend popping a heat pad in the cot first and pulling it out just before you lay him down so he doesn't wake from the cold sheet.

If he's on the lowest dose it's no longer effective. That needs sorting almost weekly. Try to space out the feeds a bit too. Try for a good gap before your nap attempt. Then drugs 30 minutes before the feed. Then feed in glider in the dark and start rocking like a mad woman. Reflux babies are a whole different creature. Try not to compare your baby to others. It will make you crazy.

It really does get better.

[AndIAskMyself]

I had a swing chair but he would scream for over 30 mins so I sent it back after a month. And I was putting him in the dark with lots of white noise. When I first got it he did take a few naps in it, but it got harder and harder to make him nap in it, and it was just taking up space.

At the moment it's hard for me to space out feeds - as I say, I can only really get him to sleep if I feed him to sleep and then rock him. He would never just fall asleep half an hour after a feed. And he feeds so frequently too in the day.

[AndIAskMyself]

Oh if you mean a rocking chair to nurse him on, no we don't unfortunately. We don't have the space really

[tootiredtothinkofaclevername]

I do mean a nursing chair - it saved my arms and back. Mine never went in a swing willingly. If there's anyway to rearrange things to fit one I'd go for it. We got ours off eBay for £50.00.

He's feeding lots during the day to soothe the acid but it leads to a vicious circle because then his stomach never gets a rest. Maybe try giving the Ranitidine then walking in the pram for 30 minutes. It really does work best if you get your timing right. I'd more use the pram to space your feeds rather than as a nap. There used to be a website called little refluxers that had some great info.

[AndIAskMyself]

Just wanted to post an update. Things are so much better. I put DS back on ranitidine and at the same time I did everything I could to make him nap, so every day I rocked him for 20 minutes, and then went back to the docs to discuss reflux and they upped his dosage of ranitidine. I don't know whether it was that, or whether it was just coincidence, but since then his sleeping has vastly improved. He's back to sleeping almost 12 hours at night, and it's a doddle to get him to take 2 naps a day. I try for more, but sometimes that doesn't happen, but I'm not so stressed about it. He has a nap for about an hour about an hour and a half/2 hours after waking and he had that nap in his cot, which I'm amazed by. And then he has a nap 2 hours after that in the pram, this is usually quite long (an hour and a half) but he goes to sleep straight away. Then I try to get him to nap after that but that doesn't always happen, but he is so much happier in the evenings, so I will persevere, but not get too stressed about it.

But he has also met quite a big milestone in the last week - he's learnt to roll over and it always exhausts him when he does it. He usually cries when he rolls over. Bless him. So it could be that too.