Am I the only person who doesn't have a routine for sleep?

[TheCatsMeow]

I see and hear people saying "x time is nap time" or writing out schedules for when their babies nap and I'm floored by it. Starting to doubt myself because I don't do this at all.

DS sleeps when he's tired, I can tell when he's tired and put him down then. He might have one nap he might have three, he might sleep for two hours it might be less than 5 minutes.

We don't have a bed time either, he goes up when he's tired or when I want to watch the TV lol

He sleeps through apart from if he's ill and is fine, but I'm starting to think I'm doing it "wrong" as everyone else seems to have a time table?! I can't imagine doing that because I'm not one for routine but if everyone's doing it maybe it's me?

I'm the same with weaning, sometimes he has 3 meals sometimes he doesn't, it depends

Is there any reason not to do this?!

[imwithspud]

My two have a routine but I also don't mind if it goes out the window every now and then. We're off on holiday for a week in April and I'm not expecting to stick to their usual routine. They will probably end up staying up later most nights (although will probs try and have one or two early nights to balance it out a bit) and the baby won't get her usual two naps a day every day. And that's okay. They be tired as a result and it's nice to know that once they're home things will go back to normal and they can catch up on sleep properly. I couldn't let them live like that all the time, it would be chaos in our house!

A routine can be flexible if you want it to be.

[NickyEds]

Given the choice I'd always have a routine. I was very worried that dd would never settle on a nap/feeding routine and have to admit I feel a bit relieved that she'll nap at more or less the same time now-feeding's still all over though!

[Pyjamaramadrama]

There's no right or wrong and the baby might have other ideas anyway.

If you wanted to try and get into a bit of a routine a good place to start is a bedtime routine. Choose a time 7-8pm and start a bit of a bath, feed, cuddles, bed type thing. Once that's in place whatever time you tend to start your day aim for a nap 2-3 hours from waking and so on.

Even us with a routine it's still flexible, on the rare occasion the baby sleeps later I don't wake him I just enjoy it.

[TheCatsMeow]

Pyjama I'm on the fence, I think on one hand a routine is restrictive but you have predictability (unlike me who doesn't know if I can have a bath as he might wake up) but without a routine you have flexibility and it feels more natural, downside when you want to plan something it's difficult.

So I'm not sure

[Pyjamaramadrama]

I must say I read the thread and thought it sounded as though you were dismissing routines as silly and restrictive, but now it's sounding more like you're thinking you ought to have one.

You can't really make a baby sleep, but 2-3 hours awake time is usually quite enough for a 5 month old so you could encourage a nap after 2 hours by doing whatever he likes to do to sleep. It might not work straight away.

But, it sounds as though he's getting sleep just over a different time frame, you say he's happy and content so unless you actually want a routine just enjoy it.

[TheCatsMeow]

Fate I don't know. I can see advantages for both and I'm not sure what would benefit us. I'm not naturally a routine person but I'm not against it either

[TheCatsMeow]

He was dozy for that time but he was awake. You can't really make him sleep, he sleeps when he chooses, for his other naps I don't do anything he just falls asleep doing what he's doing.

He fell asleep at 6, but he keeps waking, he has a digestive issue though where he seems to have really painful farts and they're waking him, he keeps falling asleep in my arms and then farting and waking when this isn't happening hell normally sleep until 2am and then 7am, or just until 7am.

Never tried 234

[FATEdestiny]

TheCatsMeow, do you actually want a routine?

Because this entire thread reads like you don't want a routine and don't feel you need one. Assuming baby isn't unhappy with his days lacking structure - then what do you seek to achieve?

No one here is saying that you have to have a routine with your son.

As has been said, much changes. Baby will change and develop and you will change and develop as a parent. If you see nothing to gain from structure and routine right now, stay as you are. If in the future you think you or your son might benefit from a bit more structure to your day - do it then.

[imwithspud]

That does seem like a long awake time. My nearly 8 month old wakes at 6/7 sometimes earlier and is more than ready for her nap by 9am. On a weekday she can't go for her nap until 9:30 as that's when we get back from the pre-school run. Naps for 1.5/2hours and then ready for another nap 2/3hours after waking.

[mrsmugoo]

That's the thing - if being totally random works for you and works for your child then everything's grand!

I actually loved that mine was so predictable - no being caught out with tired baby mid lunch in a cafe with a friend etc...

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Meow, see if he woke at 7 there's every chance he could have had a nap mid morning at 9ish, if you encouraged it, then you could have possibly had a later bedtime. If that's what you want to do.

[mrsmugoo]

That seems like a very long first awake time - my almost 2 year old gets up at 7 and is often tired by 11:40!

Would yours go to sleep if you tried earlier?

Have you ever tried doing 2-3-4?

First nap 2 hours after waking, 2nd nap after 3 hours awake. Bed for the day after 4 more awake hours. 6pm seems like a very early bedtime!

[TheCatsMeow]

mrsmugoo today I had

Got up at 7am
Napped at 11:40 until 12:30
Napped at 1:30 until 3:30
Went to bed at 6

[mrsmugoo]

It'll be more likely that you'll see a pattern with his awake time. Mine always had consistent wake times and slept to the dot of 45 minutes so it was easily to predict the times he would need a nap across the day. That's different from enforcing set nap times though.

[TheCatsMeow]

What you cannot do is come here and insinuate or suggest any other way is the wrong way.

I haven't done that, sorry if it seems like I have.

I have kept a pattern of his sleeps today and they're all over the place but I'll do it for a few days and see if they are similar

[FATEdestiny]

TheCatsMeow There is no conclusion here. Everyone parents in the way they consider to be the best way. If they didn't then something is wrong. Sometimes everything is peachy, sometimes they get into a pickle - but they can justify this happening on the basis that 'I am doing the right thing'.

Also everyone learns, develops and changes as a parent.

You are doing what you consider best. As long as its working for you, that is fine. In fact even if it doesn't work it is still fine as long as you consider you are doing your best.

What you cannot do is come here and insinuate or suggest any other way is the wrong way.

Because that ain't true.

Branleuse has it.

[Branleuse]

different strokes for different folks

[imwithspud]

FATE I wasn't around on mn with my first but your examples of feeding to sleep and doing things 'baby-led' was me down to a T with my eldest. I frequented another forum which 'promoted' the same kind of approach and was all "they work it out in their own time. Yes they do, but you do have to give them the opportunity to do it. DD1 ended up being a terrible sleeper and yes we did end up sleep training because I was losing the plot, felt and still feel awful about it. But I feel I went about it all wrong anyway.

I did it differently with dd2, fed to sleep occasionally (unavoidable when they're really small) but also given the opportunity to self settle, obviously picking her up if she cried etc. She's nearly 8 months old now - has been a much better sleeper thus far and we've now reached the stage where I can pop her in her cot and leave her to it. Something I couldn't achieve with dd1 until sleep training. Of course it could just be because they're different babies but it's been a much more pleasant experience this time round and I can't help but feel it's because my approach is slightly different too.

[Jw35]

Why would it just be you? No you're not the only one my baby hasn't got a routine as such either. She sleeps great too!

[TheCatsMeow]

just putting baby in a sling with ready boob-access and getting on with your day

This is pretty much what I do although bf failed so he has a dummy or a bottle in the sling.

Fate that's interesting. DS does sleep independently, he always has (I take medication that means cosleeping would be dangerous) and he's never had a problem with it. I do feed him to sleep though.

[mrsmugoo]

Whatever works for you - you might find this changes over time.

My DS was very much a routine baby - he put himself in one as he was tired the same amount of time after waking, slept for the same time each nap and went the same amount of time between feeds and hated having to go longer. I just organised my day around when I knew he would be tired/hungry...much to the judginess of my SIL who would roll her eyes at me and tell me not to be such a slave to my routine.

[FATEdestiny]

is it frowned upon? It seems positively looked at when I've read things.

The probable reason for that is that I post on most threads on the sleep board . I encourage and value a routine, baby-led routine that is. So I would mention routine whenever relevant on any thread. Not just me actually, there are several of posters with similar attitudes who post a lot on sleep threads.

Go back a year or two and the tone on the sleep board was very different - favouring the attitude of just putting baby in a sling with ready boob-access and getting on with your day. Likewise co-sleeping and constant boob access at night usually followed by controlled crying your toddler. Such posters are still around and when baby sleep related posts appear outside of the sleep board 9 times out of 10 this will be the general attitude on the thread.

When I first started posting here the genuine advise perpetrated on the sleep board that baby will BF to sleep and sleep on you until they are toddlers and then you have the choice of either carrying this on until school age (the baby-led way) or doing some distressing sleep training involving lots of crying (the parent led way).

These were touted as the only options. It never seemed to occur to anyone that if you took a different attitude early in baby's life, that baby could learn to sleep independently while still little without any crying whatsoever. I genuinely don't think people used to believe me when I first started posting, but it's the way I've always done it.

I remember the very first sleep thread I posted on was a long thread about the value of sleep consultants, in particular someone who hired a consultant to advise her with a 5-day old newborn. I piped up 50-odd posts in and said I'd be your sleep consultant for free - use a dummy and put baby down to sleep from birth. Easy peesy. I was absolutely flamed.

[TheCatsMeow]

I did assume that it was put on by parents but i don't think it's seen as negative. I think that it obviously works for a lot of others!

[NickyEds]

I always get the feeling that routines are frowned upon, yes. As Pyjama says I think some people hear "routine" and assume that it's forced thing, imposed on little babies where in reality I think they can be very organic and revolve around meeting a baby's needs without too much fuss.

[TheCatsMeow]

JonSnow I'm an introvert too, but I can generally get alone time because I live in a house with family members so it's not always me doing the putting go bed or feeding.

Nicky is it frowned upon? It seems positively looked at when I've read things.