Newborn middle of night restless time - am I a terrible mum?

[RevoltingPeasant]

DD is 15 days old. She is a very placid busby and a good sleeper generally.

However, she goes through a restless time every night between about midnight and 3am where she will not settle.

The obvious answer is bf, but by that time, she has fed fussily for so long that there is nothing left. Also due to her slow growth the MW is having us do EBM top ups after every feed, so after her midnight feed there really is nothing left. The MW has also said I shouldn't let her "use me as a dummy" ie not just play suck if not feeding. Also due to growth issues we are doing formula top ups too so when she is put down at this time, she has everything in my breasts and formula.

So I don't think (??) it is hunger.

Right now, I don't know what else to do so am just settling her next to me, talking to her, stroking her, and getting little 20min driblets of sleep when she goes off for a bit.

This goes on for a couple of hours till I feel there is milk again.

Is that the right thing to do or am I somehow not meeting her needs? :(

[dragonfly007]

That sounds brilliant, well done

[RevoltingPeasant]

Hi Dragon :)

Good news, she was over her birth weight this morning and we are now officially discharged from MW care! Also last night I settled her at 12.45 and she slept till 5 am, and then again after feeding from 6.30-9.35, so we are feeling pretty positive.

Just taking it night by night but with an evening cat nap and lots of milk before 1am she seems to settle pretty well most of the time. Fingers crossed!! She was 3 weeks yesterday so I think we are doing okay...?

[dragonfly007]

Sounds like its working, how is her weight doing?

[RevoltingPeasant]

Thanks for asking :)

We had a good night and then two back ones

Tbh I think it is my fault as we had house guests down and I didn't make sure we got a nap together in the early evening. By midnight she was just overtired so I fed as much as I could and then used a dummy which settled her and she slept for four hours, so I think she was exhausted, poor thing.

I went to my local latch on group this morning and they said to use the dummy if need be as we needed to make sure she got sleep. Her latch is okay but not brilliant, but they said that will come and it sounded like she was overtired rather than hungry.

So plodding on, and we'll see!

The blessing is, she seems to sleep quite soundly after 3am so with a lie-in till 10am that is sanity-saving.....!

[dragonfly007]

Peasant , how are you all doing?

[mrsmugoo]

A 3 hour block and a 4 hour block wow! I didn't sleep longer than 2.5 hours in a row til about 5 months!

[Lagoonablue]

Sounds promising! Just let your baby lead where feeding is concerned. They usually know what they need!

[RevoltingPeasant]

Thanks Kate :)

We had a better night last night as we had an early evening catnap, then I didn't feel so tired around midnight so stayed up determinedly feeding away till gone one, and she did eventually give up and go to sleep, so hurrah! Slept about one-thirty till four-thirty and then six till ten, which is definitely live-able with.

[Katekoom]

My dd was exactly the same, keep feeding is my advice. Our girl lost 12% too and i did formula topups but only for 20 hours until whe was back within the acceptable 10%.

Best advice i had from a mw was when it was really hard (no sleep for days) co-sleep, but safely! It saved me. But do follow the guidelines which you’ll find via Google.

Also speak to some bfing experts about her latch/your nipples, i used FAB breastfeeding support, they're amazing.

Keep up the good work, it'll all get easier siob, im just 2 weeks ahead of you and it already feels much improved.

[RevoltingPeasant]

Thanks everyone! This has been really helpful. We had a sort of duvet day today as did not get up till noon and went back to bed at just gone six and only just woke up so much for my strict three hourly feeds!



Fate interesting about dummies. I will bear it in mind.

Perspective, also interesting that this was her lively time in the womb, and when she was born ( waters broke exactly still midnight, born 2.22am).

She's my first so this is all really helpful!

[mrsmugoo]

There is no such thing as "being used as a dummy" Dummies are used as nipples!

Breastfeeding is as much about comfort as nutrition so if your LO wants to suck then it's fine, let them.

[Perspective21]

Good advice re the feeding from everyone. I wanted to pop on to say that all three of mine were like this as newish babies and I always thought it was them keeping their in utero pattern. When pregnant, all of mine would wake up and move about inside me at these sorts of time, possibly because I was quiet and still, I thought. In the daytime they did more sleeping in the womb because I was moving about and busy.
Mine all just outgrew this but to get through, I just fed them, in the dark and stayed quiet and still with them, cuddles but no talking or trying to entertain them at all and eventually they all turned their days around. They all by about 3 months fell into a pattern of sleepy evenings and wake for more milk and then a longish block of maybe 11pm til about 4am. Bit by bit, as they could take more milk, they stretched out their own nights, but crucially, I left them to it pretty much. I made sure I was alert, smiley and entertaining in the day and quiet and just for food at night. All three have quite different personalities and the third DC was FF for medical reasons , so it seemed to be something about my babies, rather than the method of feeding.
Try not to worry too much either, it will pass xx

[LuluJakey1]

My DS is 5 weeks 5 days. He is formula fed but from birth until this week has had times during the night where he is just awake and not wanting to be fed but likes to be cuddled. DH or I have sat for up to a couple of hours cuddling him at 2 am. He doesn't cry much when he is awake but he just doesn't settle.

Just recently he has become much more settled.

[Hakluyt]

Bed, all day, except perhaps for a couple of baths together, lots of delicious drinks and food including a box of chocolates, a million pillows and the complete Downton. Practically guaranteed baby weight gain! (And mother weight gain too, probably, but deal with thwt later)

[Hakluyt]

Nothing wrong with a dummy, but with a baby who needs to pile the weight on, anything that distracts from feeding should be avoided if at all possible.

[dragonfly007]

I would not be offering a dummy until feeding is established, I have no issues with them but newbies can miss an entire feed and with her weight issues, not sure a dummy will help you at this stage x

[dragonfly007]

Fab advice on the duvet day, if you are not doing this already wake your baby to offer milk every 3hrs from the beginning of a feed and offer both breasts every time you feed, usually a nappy change after the first breastfeed helps Always offer milk when baby is calm, so take her away and put her on your shoulder if she starts fussing and is fractious.

Whilst the top ups will help your baby increase weight rapidly, it is also damaging your milk supply as your body provides the milk requested. Good luck x

[FATEdestiny]

cave and give a dummy

What?! Giving a dummy is by no means caving in.

My four children have all had a dummy from birth. Three breastfed and one formula fed.

I consider a dummy absolutely essential to allow for a contented baby.

There is absolutely nothing evil about a dummy and it is cruel and unfair to suggest this.

[Hakluyt]

Obviously you must listen to your midwife- but I would say that as long as she is gaining weight, however slowly, and is having lots of wet and dirty nappies I would try not to worry too much.

I don't know if you have any other children, but if you haven't, a good thing to do is just spend a day in bed together, having lots of skin to skin, dozing and feeding. That can do wonders for weight gain and supply-and you get lots of rest too. I would try not to let her chomp on your nipple, but if she's just falling asleep with it in her mouth, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Obviously detach her (using a damp finger to break the suction) if she gets interested in eating again.

[RevoltingPeasant]

And thank you for all the kind words

[RevoltingPeasant]

Yes dragon that is when I do delatch :) my question is, what then if she is still fussing? And won't relatch nicely? Do I do more formula, or soothe her as best I can or cave and give a dummy, or what?

[dragonfly007]

Congratulations on your new baby

A bad latch = ineffective milk transfer = slow weight gain. Your milk supply is best between 1am and 5am, as such babies often feed more regularly at night, the benefit of which is a fab milk supply. Hold baby tight and only unlatch if baby is nipple feeding (it hurts), the softer your breasts and letting her come off the breast herself ensures she receives the richest most calorie milk possible. You are doing fab, but it sounds like your midwife is not the best.

[RevoltingPeasant]

Pico I think she is healthy but because she lost so much weight they are saying she will have to go into hospital if she doesn't gain so much every few days. That would terrify her, poor little mite :(

So am trying to feed and make her sleep as much as possible so she will grow!

So the consensus is, this is normal, bf through it as far as poss, and ride it out?

[Pico2]

Our DD is also 15 days old, but formula fed. She is essentially nocturnal still and even though she is FF, she falls asleep feeding and hasn't regained her birth weight. For our DD, I think that this is because she was pretty big at birth and probably carrying a lot of fluid. She looks ok and does the required nappies.

You can get het up on how much she is feeding and when, but that may just be an active time for her.

If anyone has magic tricks to deal with nocturnal newborns, please let me know.

[RevoltingPeasant]

Red I always try relatching several times but after a while she just isn't up for it. I wonder if she needs more food but is too tired to suck? Would that make sense? In which case should I give a bigger formula top up?