4mo ds now going to bed at bedtime. But uses up his deep sleep before I go to bed

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Ds is 4 mo. seems to have a good five hour deep sleep. When he was going to bed at 10/11pm this meant I got a good chunk of sleep. Now he is going to bed at 7pm ish means i get a couple of hours am before he wakes and then once he goes back to sleep post feed it is quite fitful. So early nights better for him and worse for me (other than dh and I now have evenings back). Any advice other than get off mumsnet and go to sleep early?

I'm sorry the only solution is to go to bed earlier yourself. It is a biological fact that the deeper sleep stages take place earlier on in the night, this is true for adults and children alike (although as you go to bed later, your deep sleep is not happening at the same time. Yours gets interrupted which makes you feel crap) You have to decide each day whether what you need more is a good sleep or a few hours of relaxation with DH. When you are spending evenings together you need to make sure you are taking it in fair turns with night duties. 4 months is a really hard time so just do whatever it takes to feel well rested.

Sorry, but you need to go to bed with him. Apart from anything else, he is supposed to be in the same room as you until 6 months so either he should be with you downstairs, or you should be upstairs with him.

Starlight - I know that is the rec but not found any evidence anywhere to back up that rec.

Unicef and the WHO base their recommendations on the research and evidence. They don't make up arbitrary 'rules'.

If you want to read the evidence, their published recommendations have plenty of references which you can read in full if you wish.

Hi. I'm more realistic, our LO is also 4 months and goes down at 8 in his cot in his own room. Has a good 5 hours then is restless from his feed onwards. We have days where he wakes every hour and days where he sleeps great. I alternate, some days I get my head down early when he does and other days I risk it and stay up till 10 lol. We just have to go with it. Just be persistent in making him stay in bed when he does wake. My LO used to get up at 5am constantly and I just persisted on going in and tucking him back up etc, its still night etc and now he stays in bed till around 7.

Starlight -have you actually read the research that the recommendation is based on? Maybe you should and realise that guidelines are often based on shaky or a lack of research. This particular research looked at cot deaths which happened in the day and night and factors associated. Of the cot deaths that occurred during the day 75% of babies had been placed on their sides and rolled onto their front and 13.5% were found with bedclothes over their heads. The actual conclusion of the paper was, 'parental presence during infant sleep doesn't guarantee the infant being constantly observed, indeed this is not usually the case and SIDS can occur under closely monitored conditions. However having the sleeping infant nearby during the day may alert parents to circumstances such as rolling from side to prone position or bedclothes over the face'

That is the reasoning behind the guideline - hardly strong evidence. The stronger evidence is for the lying on back and bedclothes advice - lots of people these days use growbags and make sure baby is on their backs when sleeping so the associated risks are highly reduced.

Don't be so judgemental of someone placing there babies to sleep in another room. Not all guidelines are based on particularly good research and some need to be taken with a pinch of salt not preached to mums who are trying there best!

Ps OP you could go to sleep earlier or do a dream feed? I never did it with my son but friends have found it great for feeding them before they wake up which will give you a couple of hours more.