How often do you cum in your sex life?

[PeanutbutterJamSandwich]

Not sure how to word it, I don’t mean multiple orgasms during one session, but do you cum each time you have sex?

I don’t and it’s a bit shit.

I’m in my mid 30s, dh mid 40s. We have 2 young children so don’t get as much time as we used to.

I have never been able to cum during actual intercourse, never! Which is rubbish, and it can take me ages with foreplay too. We use a vibe a lot to speed things up. We used to do a lot of foreplay but just struggle with time and energy atm.

But I don’t always want to cum before sex, I want to have long hard sex 1st, then cum. But if this happens my dh ends up cumming 1st and I’m left unsatisfied!.... Not necessarily from not cumming but from having a good time cut short. Sometimes he can cum after just 5 mins.

I know he feels bad, he said sorry last night! How can I help him last longer?

[B1rdflyinghigh]

I had never come through PIV until I was about 44. But now I can happily make myself orgasm over and over again whilst being on top and being in control of the position. But this only occurred once Id got my head sorted, that no man would actually mind if my boobs were too big, too bouncy and that they were happy for me to use their body to achieve orgasm. Since this discovery 4 years ago, I've had sex with other men since, not one of them has ever complained about me being on top, they love the fact I can orgasm, have never complained about wobbly bits, but have always been happy that they've helped me achieve many orgasms.
For me it was about body confidence, getting out of my head that I was using them and relaxing.

[noego]

It amazes me how much education is needed about the female body

[Namechangecringe]

My partners kink is women coming so I am VERY lucky 😂

I generally orgasm at least once but probably average twice each time we have sex. I’m one of the lucky ones who can come from penetration alone but not every time. If it’s not working for me then he always finds other ways

[Axcde]

As a guy....oral all day long!
You can feel and taste when your partner is getting close to orgasm and it is a major major turn on for me...and her!

Penetration can happen after she's cum...usually a few times!

Nothing worse than feeling under pressure to perform though.

[wantmorenow]

How about spending an evening doing him, hands and mouth, no PIV.

Another evening he does you, ditto.

Might mix it up a bit, focusing on the giving or receiving of pleasure. Not each of you trying to achieve both simultaneously.

Make an evening of it. Could be when you are trying to make it last all evening that pressure is off. Enjoy the process and connection.

[mummillion]

Why all the focus on cumming? Surely it's all about the journey rather than the destination?

When the destination is utter heaven ...

On another note , I can cum easily without clit stimulation too. In fact , I prefer it . I cum harder and feel more satiated by a PIV induces orgasm rather than a clitoral one .

[PermanentTemporary]

I never came with a partner at all until June 2019... so 33 years of sex including two marriages and not one orgasm with any of them. So I think it's common, obviously.

It means that now, when a partner makes me come with his fingers, it feels like an absolute miracle - I havent lost hope one day I'll be able to orgasm while being penetrated but I think anatomy varies and has a role unfortunately. What made the difference was focusing on what made me aroused. The generic advice, books,therapy I got were all useless. To have an orgasm you need to be aroused. You need to be selfish.

What made a huge difference to me was 1. Lube and plenty of it 2) allowing myself to go into fantasy 3) attention to sounds. Words, dirty talk, breathing, tone of voice all make a huge difference to me. I assume it's not so important for most men as if I look at porn most of it barely features any sound at all, and never male sounds. I wonder if your tantric experience with the focus on breathing had an impact?

Prawn if you're still about I know exactly what you mean. Never managed to sort that myself.

[EasyPleasey]

I do almost every time. However I think it works best if your partner gets you to cum before he does, so he gives oral, plays with you etc in a relaxed way until you cum and then have PIV so he can cum.

I have never cum from PIV. I've noticed men can sometimes lose interest after they have cum (plus can be messy) so better to make sure you are first.

[PinotPony]

Why all the focus on cumming? Surely it's all about the journey rather than the destination?

I've attended some Tantra classes which were a real eye opener. Would highly recommend (or even just reading up on it)

Nowadays DP and I couldn't care less if either of us cums. Sometimes he will, sometimes I will... but it's not the goal. Takes all the pressure off and we just enjoy playing together.

[SmoothCustomer]

I cum every time and always have done, I thought everybody did, isn't that part of sex?

I can cum both PIV (not as intense) and clit (mainly and very intense)

My partner is very good both with his hands and mouth and penis, we have been together over 30 years, maybe I have just been spoilt but I thought everyone came with sex every time, otherwise what is the point? I can also cum from just him sucking my nipples or even just caressing my back, I guess we are just attuned to each other but it was always good from the start, he even said one time " I would have to be thick not to know the female anatomy" but reading some threads on here , I do wonder if some men really know what they are doing?

[nightowl558]

I've never had an orgasm either! My partner does most times but it can't be that good as he says he can't see what all the fuss is about sex!

[cosmicbabe]

@MrsMonicaBing Oh you need to move on from this!! I bet you give him oral!! I was with someone for many years and he never made me orgasm... I have since met a man who is all about my pleasure. I still struggle as I'm just not used to coming with a partner but he is so laid back about this and will try anything for however long xx

[StarlightLady]

@MrsMonicaBing

“My partner won’t do missionary” - Why?

“Won’t do oral” - Why?

“...or fingers” - Why?

“...or toys either” - Why?

How did you end hp together? I would move on to someone who understands how a woman “works”. I certainly wouldn’t have sex with someone who would not go down on me.

[ponchek]

MrsMonica that's so sad to hear - really sorry. Of course it's not your fault!!!! It's not that you can orgasm. It's that he doesn't prioritise it and do it! Not you!

I'm biting my tongue so I don't pass judgement on him ...

[ponchek]

Osiris isn't lying. This also happens to me sometimes. And we can't really use any artificial aids as am too sensitive and don't need it.

OP I think your DH has stopped initiating as he feels glum about not satisfying you, and embarrassed about supposedly coming too quickly.

After five minutes' thrusting is not quick really. My DP lasts less than a minute mostly ☺️ Biologically speaking, it's more advantageous for the male to get the job done definitively and ASAP! Before the female wriggles out from under him and scarpers!

I think you should actually maybe focus on him a bit and trying a more loving, less pressured perspective. Orgasm isn't everything ..... I think revisit the tantric massaging etc that you did before. Maybe have some explicitly non-sexual but sensual sessions like foot massage. There needs to be understanding, humility and generosity on both sides, and no pressure. And you can always satisfy yourself so that you're taking the angst out of encounters with your DH a bit.

Also try just going on top. The friction on you should help you to orgasm. And just tell him to do his 13 times table. Preferably into six figures ☺️

[ThisGunsForHire]

I always orgasm - by getting on top.

[Diffusername2]

I come every time, multiple times. But I come easily. Definitely don't need clit stimulation to come..

[cosmicbabe]

@Osirus yes I want to know this too

[MrsMonicaBing]

@Osirus does that mean you don't need your clitoris touched whatsoever to be able to orgasm? Does having his body rubbing against you not have anything to do with it? Sorry I'm just really curious (and a bit jealous)

[Osirus]

Frankly, women who say they cum without clit stimulation are probably lying.

I can and no, I’m not lying.

I have an orgasm every time we have sex, and have done every time during our 14 year relationship. I’m probably a bit unusual as I do finish quickly and easily. I know this isn’t the norm.

My DH holds off until I’ve finished or we finish at the same time depending on what we’re doing

If I found reaching climax difficult, I think he would still make sure I’d finished first. He would probably appreciate it taking a bit longer!

With DH, he is hugely turned on by seeing me enjoy what he’s doing to me. I thought this was fairly normal - if your partner felt the same way it wouldn’t feel like a chore unless this is just your interpretation?

[Coconuttts]

Would you not just reach down between you and touch your clit during sex? I sometimes do this and it’s the best way to orgasm during sex. Frankly, women who say they cum without clit stimulation are probably lying.

[Henrieta2]

Every time I come . Usually from fore play I need clit action always . Can take minutes to about 10 minutes max with my partner
In my own I can come in about 3 minutes 🤣 I know all the tricks lol

[Longsight2019]

Buy a womanizer or equivalent and use that whilst having penetrative sex.

It also sounds like he lacks control. If it was obvious I was going to cum before my wife was ready, I’d hold off. I’d help her get there.

We can climax together every time if we choose to through communication. Sometimes that communication is silent

Also, do you stimulate yourself whilst he’s inserted? Every partner I’ve had has, usually leading to their orgasm. Unless they’ve wanted me to take over.

[Jane1978xx]

Use toys at whatever stages you need something extra