11+ interview prep - help please!

[BarqsHasBite]

Hello, we will be applying to a moderately selective independent school for our DS who is currently in Y5.

The prep for the tests is going well but I'm increasingly fretting about the interview side. My son will talk endlessly to me about topics he's interested in (including history, aeroplanes, space travel and endless rather inane Roblox chat) and will contribute in class. But he is really quite shy, awkward and self-conscious with adults he doesn't know. Nothing unusual there I know, and the interviewers should be used to it, but he really clams up even when he's asked easy questions that he should be able to answer.

Eg today we went on a tour of the school we're applying for and we met the librarian. My son loves reading and reads prodigiously but when she asked him what he'd been reading he just said 'I don't know' and looked at his feet 🤦‍♀️.

I think I will need to organise a mock interview for him a bit nearer the time but I appreciate it's a mistake to over-prepare them and that schools don't like this and will spot it.

Can anyone recommend anything else we can try between now and January please, to build his confidence so he can open up a bit more? He hates drama so that's not an option.

It seems there are so many options to help you with the exam prep (tutors/Atom/past papers/Bond books etc etc) but I've read nothing about this so please hit me with your suggestions! Thank you.

[Charlotte120221]

Your getting a bit ahead of yourself as most schools are interview by invitation only and they won't be until late Jan - early feb 2025?

All you can do is make sure he has stuff to talk about - by encouraging him in doing what he enjoys. The interviews are one on one rather than in front of other adults and the interviewers want the kid to feel comfortable so are happy with some general chit chat before any 'harder' questions. As long as he has a few interests and knows that the interviewer is genuinely interested in anything he has to say.... he'll be fine.

Honestly I think stressing about it now could just make the situation worse?

[Seeline]

The interviewers are used to all sorts of 10 year olds. I wouldn't worry too much.

Make sure he is polite - be prepared to shake hands, wait to be told to sit down etc

In the meantime, encourage him to talk in different situations - asking for things in shops, speaking to anyone he has dealings with (Cub leader, piano teacher etc). Try a family discussion over dinner about an age-appropriate news story etc.

I agree that coaching for the actual interview is not a good idea.

[selondon28]

As others have said, he’ll be almost an year older, so that may help. Atom and other places have interview prep suggestions, various mumsnet threads give ideas of questions to consider prepping too. But my dd just went through the process and never had a one on one interview. A lot of schools now seem to do group or classroom based exercises to see how the kids express themselves and their ideas. In her case this included the regular entrance assessments and additional academic scholarship ones. So it might be worth asking the schools you’re interested in how they go about it.

[PettsWoodParadise]

For DD there were helpful things to bring out her social confidence like making her phone through the takeaway order (even though we could do it online), being involved with Brownies and having positions of responsibility there where she has to consult with her six and communicate the outcomes to the leader etc.

It is great you’ve identified when he clams up, it isn’t unusual so don’t worry, praise situations where he doesn’t and with gentle encouragement you will get there in time.

DD did a group session for one independent, they aren’t all one to ones. DD got an offer from that group one, a girl who was over confident and kept butting in didn’t get an offer so they do notice the polite and quieter ones and those who only say something when something is worth saying.

[DibbleDooDah]

Ban the words “I don’t know” and get them to replace them with “Let me think about that”.

Game changer for my DD. In the heat of the moment she would panic and do exactly the same. The new phrase takes the pressure off, gives them time to process the question and think about an answer.

Apart from that, seriously don’t over prepare for the interviews. You can spot a coached child a mile off.

[BarqsHasBite]

@Charlotte120221

Your getting a bit ahead of yourself as most schools are interview by invitation only and they won't be until late Jan - early feb 2025?

All you can do is make sure he has stuff to talk about - by encouraging him in doing what he enjoys. The interviews are one on one rather than in front of other adults and the interviewers want the kid to feel comfortable so are happy with some general chit chat before any 'harder' questions. As long as he has a few interests and knows that the interviewer is genuinely interested in anything he has to say.... he'll be fine.

Honestly I think stressing about it now could just make the situation worse?

The school we’re applying for interviews everyone, on the same day as the assessments, which is early Jan. There is then a callback of usually more than half the candidates, to take part in a small group lesson.

So still the best part of 9 months away but I was hoping to find ways gradually/generally to build his confidence and if possible adult conversation skills. Which probably takes years rather than weeks or months.

The interviews are 2 on 1 (2 teachers).

The thing is he has loads of genuinely interesting interests- he’s obsessed with history and knows loads about everything from the Celts to WW2, he loves playing and watching football, he’ll endlessly watch Brian Cox documentaries and explain the life cycle of stars or the likelihood of life on other planets to me, he can’t wait to go fossil hunting again on the Jurassic Coast.

But from what I’ve seen be really struggles to talk about any of this to adults be doesn’t already know quite well- he can’t even do the general chit chat (he might actually do a bit better at the ‘harder’ questions, ironically, where he’s not talking about himself).

It would be such a shame for the interviewers to be left with the impression that he doesn’t have much of interest to talk about or any real passions.

Am definitely not stressing about it to/in front of him though, not least as that would just make it worse. I’d just like to find a way to make him feel a bit more comfortable in his skin.

[BarqsHasBite]

@DibbleDooDah

Ban the words “I don’t know” and get them to replace them with “Let me think about that”.

Game changer for my DD. In the heat of the moment she would panic and do exactly the same. The new phrase takes the pressure off, gives them time to process the question and think about an answer.

Apart from that, seriously don’t over prepare for the interviews. You can spot a coached child a mile off.

100% @DibbleDooDah! I plan to tell him that there are some questions where “I don’t know” is a perfectly valid answer (eg “What is the capital of Turkmenistan?”) but that they are very unlikely to be asked in an interview so he shouldn’t need to use it at all.
He seems to use “I don’t know” as a way to shut down having to give an answer/having to talk at all. Rather than necessarily to buy time or because he panics in the moment.

I definitely don’t want to coach/over coach him, I just want to encourage him to feel more confident / stop feeling self confident when asked questions about what he likes and why.

[MuddyBoots21]

My suggestion would be to invite some family friends/ Uncles/Aunts/ Godparents over that he feels comfortable with regularly and get them to try talking to him about his interests in an informal way. Does he have a Grandparent or someone he could walk their dog with. ie, he's doing something else at the same time - maybe he'd feel more relaxed walking and talking?

At this stage it's just a question of getting him to feel comfortable and happy engaging with adults. I think also, the point to make to him nearer the time is, when he's talking about his interests and hobbies, there is no wrong answer - schools will just be trying to understand who he is and what makes him tick.

My son's school shared a list of interview type questions and we took these on an away weekend with our teenage God daughters ( who are older) and their parents. We had good fun talking through them in the car and the other kids came up with some great answers to some of the more philosophical questions. It was all done in a light hearted fun way and I think this approach helped my son relax a bit around the whole process. Fun 'Would you rather?' type books and games you can play as a family may also help him relax and stimulate conversation.

[BarqsHasBite]

@MuddyBoots21

My suggestion would be to invite some family friends/ Uncles/Aunts/ Godparents over that he feels comfortable with regularly and get them to try talking to him about his interests in an informal way. Does he have a Grandparent or someone he could walk their dog with. ie, he's doing something else at the same time - maybe he'd feel more relaxed walking and talking?

At this stage it's just a question of getting him to feel comfortable and happy engaging with adults. I think also, the point to make to him nearer the time is, when he's talking about his interests and hobbies, there is no wrong answer - schools will just be trying to understand who he is and what makes him tick.

My son's school shared a list of interview type questions and we took these on an away weekend with our teenage God daughters ( who are older) and their parents. We had good fun talking through them in the car and the other kids came up with some great answers to some of the more philosophical questions. It was all done in a light hearted fun way and I think this approach helped my son relax a bit around the whole process. Fun 'Would you rather?' type books and games you can play as a family may also help him relax and stimulate conversation.

Thank you, some good ideas here.

[Mrttyl]

A bit before the interview, lay out some of the books they have read recently and then get them to chat about them. They are more likely to remember them that way. Prepare them for questions they won’t necessarily have an answer to e.g. why do you want to come to this school? or do you have a question for us? This type of question usually throws children and that isn’t a nice feeling in an interview.

They are much more likely to go mute if they think their answers will be wrong, so don’t criticise their responses. Model good and bad answers and get them to provide feedback but do it in a funny, not pressured, way.

[SheilaFentiman]

Agree with talking to semi familiar adults like aunts, neighbours etc who are primed to ask a helpful question or two.

On the application form, we had to put areas they liked eg space, trains or whatever to give the interviewer a starting point.

Our tutor did do interview prep with our two, but of this sort… she was a very experienced teacher and took time to probe answers. They didn’t learn answers by rote but they learned to answer, IYSWIM!