What is the problem with the moms in the secondary education threads

[Logicalwannabemother]

Hello, I would love to know the issue with other mums on this platform. I made a thread around a week ago, asking for comparisons between St Albans school and Harrow. Some mums were helpful and kind, but others immediately made comments such as why are you comparing these two schools and why are you obsessed with St Albans. First of all, I was comparing the two schools because we loved them and wanted to compare them. I know one is day and the other is boarding, but I didn’t ask for opinions on that aspect. I asked for opinions on the academics, pastoral, facilities, campus, reputation etc. If we loved those schools the most, then what other choice do I have, other than to compare it!!

Also, how was I obsessed with St Albans. I said we liked both schools and were more inclined towards Harrow. It was my first thread and it got reported and deleted.

This isn’t all mums, it’s some who have nothing better to do than ruining the threads of others. Is this really a good thing to do?

Welcome to Mumsnet.

You'll get used to it.

It’s mums not moms.

Not for everyone in the U.K. it isn't.

I don't know anything about St Albans or Harrow, so I suspect I didn't reply to your previous thread. If you didn't make it clear why you were considering 2 such diverse schools or why you had picked St Albans in particular, then I imagine that's why people questioned your choice - they weren't necessarily being negative, just trying to understand your motivations and possibly to fill in any gaps - you do get posters on secondary education who have fixated on a couple of names of schools for no particular reason, and they are often quite happy to hear of alternatives.

A poster a couple of weeks' ago posted that she was moving to X town and her top 3 schools were x,y,z. z was a school that nobody local would put in their top 3 or even in their top 10, so I pointed this out to the poster. Maybe she thought I was being negative. I thought I was being helpful.

It's quite unusual for threads in secondary education to be deleted so I assume you may have been less than polite in your own responses.

Maybe like your ds we too are in our Nietzsche stage....

Not in my part of the UK it isn't

Great reply.

Thanks for saying it got deleted, I was about to have a look. As you say, Secondary Education Threads aren't usually controversial. I was wondering why a 2nd thread was needed, and replies weren't made on that thread.

It's a very competitive group

It’s mums not moms.

I disagree - but hey let’s derail.

OP schools is all about the childrens experiences, two kids same class, totally different experiences, teacher likes one not the other, pupil loves sports, or maths or anything else.

You can’t compare

Just to clarify, I was completely nice. I didn’t say anything bad or argue, I just agreed.

It’s mums not moms

Classic helpful mumsnet reply.

Don't take it personally OP, a lot of people just use this forum to be absolute twats.

@skytoronto yes, makes sense

General insecurities from the majority of posters on here. How can you possibly choose a school many have not heard of vs a world famous school?

I know St Albans School very well. Our prep is a feeder. It’s a highly aspirational school that many boys can only dream of attending. Sure, Harrow has the big name tag but it’s a huge commitment both financially and in terms of how boarding life fits with your family. In terms of results, a bright boy will do as well academically at SA as they would at Harrow.

So, is it REALLY worth the extra ££££? What does your still n get above and beyond St Albans?

Mumsnet posters will tell you you’re mad for not choosing Harrow for the prestige. Ultimately you should choose where your son will be happy. Ignore the facilities, name and results. You honestly won’t go wrong with either school. Best fit is the most important.

Posting as I got a lot of hate from people who couldn’t understand why we didn’t go with a “Top 20 school” and chose one that people see as a “backup”. Best choice we ever made. Dd is happy and on track for 9s at GCSE.

@BookwormButNoTime Thanks, that helps a lot but actually most of the mums were talking down on Harrow more than St Albans. They were making remarks like why would a boy like yours be considering Harrow, because it’s not very academic (finances are no issue for us). Also, I already have two children. One goes to St Paul’s and the other is at Cambridge. I thought I was familiar with the system, and more than that the community. But clearly a lot has changed over the years. Sure there were some mums who acted badly, but mostly the mums didn’t make stupid comments at every one of your ideas.

Also, like mentioned previously, how does comparing a nationally reputed school with a world-reputed school make a difference? Both schools are my DS’ favourite, so I am going to compare it so that I can come to a conclusion. What’s wrong in comparing the two especially in the aspect that I specifically asked for??

I remember your thread, you were nice imo but some of the replies were awful.
My advice would be to remember this is a public forum where anyone can get involved in discussions. Read the responses you find helpful and ditch the rest. Posting here sometimes feels like a rummage through a charity shop,I've had the pleasure of getting some amazing advice in the midst of garbage.
As for Mumsnet HQ deleting threads, I have no idea. I've previously requested a thread to be deleted and they say nope, and had a perfectly fine thread deleted for the infamous 'not in the Mumsnet spirit' reason. Don't sweat it.

I responded. I think lots of people were responding who didn’t not know St Albans. I think, as I said, lots of families know they want Harrow because they want boarding. Harrow brings many advantages and as I said, I’ve been impressed with DDs friends who went there. It’s clearly a very different school from St A. Therefore you need to know exactly what you want from a school. Harrow is very traditional but boys are encouraged in far more activities than academics. Old boys take an active role in offering work experience. The speakers who visit are first class. It’s not the same as a day school so you and DS need to think if he really wants boarding or not. Exam outcomes won’t be much different.

I used to work in Harrow and to be quite honest some of the younger boys looked very uncared for. Their shirts were a bit grubby, and they looked like they needed a flannel and a bar of soap.

However, if you saw them from a distance you would think that they were very smart and polite, as they always tipped their hats to drivers when they crossed roads etc.

It was a long time ago, so things might have changed. Maybe this is how the house mothers whip them into shape!

People were annoyed with you because you didn't engage properly with those who took the time to reply. That is the actual answer.

(I don't have DC so am not invested in school competition, btw - just interested in education generally.)

St Albans mum strikes again with now a stealth thread!!!

@preppingforlife ?

@Innocenta would you kindly give an example?

@Logicalwannabemother I wasn't involved with your thread or offended at all - I just happened to read it. Sorry, I can't give specific examples since it's deleted, just remember my thoughts at the time. I only commented here in case it might be helpful for you to know from someone who hadn't taken part in the thread and as such was pretty impartial. I'm not saying I personally think you did anything dreadful. It's just the dynamics of an online forum x

@Innocenta makes sense, I guess some may have felt that way

So just to be clear you weren't the poster who started two threads within a week which were deleted due to you hurling disgusting obscenities at posters who had given lots of extremely sensible advice?

Hopefully a different one.