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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

DD doesnt want to go to Prom.

65 replies

Nerdcc · 03/10/2019 21:22

I know it is early...

My DD is in Year 11. She has told me she doesnt want to go to her Prom. What do I do as I want her to go. She will be leaving that school and it hasn't been the easiest for her.

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Bouledeneige · 04/10/2019 10:02

I would let her do whatever she chooses - it's no biggie. Particularly if she hasn't enjoyed school. Who wants to hang out with all the populars and people who make you feel excluded. That's not fun at all.

It doesn't have to be an expensive night out though. My DD just bought a £25 dress - she didn't have hair and make up done or spray tan - she and her friends didn't think that was cool at all. They just got ready together and had a laugh. I think making it into a big thing is a bit tacky and often it doesn't live up to the hype. I'm not surprised some kids don't buy into that.

getoutofthatgarden202 · 04/10/2019 09:34

I didn't go to mine - I went as someones date to another one at a different school once and it was bloody awful!

SO when mine rolled around I had zero interest - didn't have a big group of mates anyway at the school - more had friends outside of the place - so wasn't bothered to go!

Was bloody delighted school was over and going back for an event with a bunch of people I don't even like was not on the aenda

Grumpyperson · 04/10/2019 09:32

Why do you want her to go?

DS didn't go, it's probably more of a girl thing, but it would have been my worst nightmare. I would have had FOMO but I bet if I had gone I would have suffered relentless bitching about what I was wearing.

If she doesn't want to go, leave her alone.

Inlovewitharagorn · 04/10/2019 09:07

My daughter went last year and she loved it but it sounds a little different from what other people are describing. We spent £75 in total and that includes the tube fare to get there. But not everyone went and that was fine too. It might end up depending on which friends decide to go.

BrokenWing · 04/10/2019 08:36

I guess you spoken to her and found out why she doesnt want to go?

If she wants to go but all her friends say they are buying stupidly expensive/glamorous gowns and you cant afford/wont let her be glamorous then talk about it and then respect her decision

If she is worried about having to take a boyfriend or some other pressure, talk to her about it then respect her decision

If she just doesnt fancy it, fair enough dont force her.

Bigbopboo · 04/10/2019 08:07

Support her in her decision
Don't mention it again unless she brings it up.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 04/10/2019 08:04

Count yourself lucky she doesn’t want to go, very expensive night, ridiculous

lololove · 04/10/2019 08:02

My parents couldn't have afforded it if I'd wanted to go and I couldn't think of anything worse if I'd been honest. I wasn't a girly girl who wore dresses, make up, heels etc or did my hair.... Id have been hugely out of place 🤣

Mine was 2001 and I didn't go, havent regretted it for a second.

DefinitelyNOTamum · 04/10/2019 07:57

I didnt go to prom - I absolutely hated my secondary. The people there were disgusting. Why on earth would you want to pay so much money to go to an event with people you dislike. I stayed home with some other gals who didnt go and watched films and drank

PixieDustt · 04/10/2019 07:45

Prom is boring, expensive and was a waste of my time.
My school just held it in the school because their tight wads.

December2019 · 04/10/2019 07:42

I didn't go to mine no regrets over here...
my mum is a single parent to 3 and I couldn't justify her having to fork out money for me to go to a disco

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/10/2019 07:39

They are a hugely expensive waste of money these days, I'd be glad. We had a sixth form dance (ballroom dancing) when I left school jn 1973 and I didn't go to that because it wasn't my thing. No regrets.

Whatsforu · 04/10/2019 07:37

As pp have said don't force the issue. If she doesn't want to go leave it at that and I doubt she will regret her decision. These things are way over the top now.

stucknoue · 04/10/2019 07:30

Don't worry, only around half go, neither of mine went to the age 16 one, it's a weird imported tradition but not particularly age appropriate (it's age 18 in the USA). That said my kids school changed at 14 and there was a mini prom (not black tie) in the school hall and dd only decided to go the day before, thankfully she's performed as a soloist so had suitable clothes (knee length dress).

Dd2's leavers ball for 6th form was great, the parents get to go too!

OLP2019 · 04/10/2019 07:11

It's not until March ? It's just turned October ffs
So many things will change between now and then . Why are you putting so much pressure on her to go to a party 6 months from now ? Why does it even matter ? If she decides the night before to go ? Planning a dress now ?

AJPTaylor · 04/10/2019 07:09

Ask her what she would like to do instead.

Nerdcc · 04/10/2019 06:47

Thanks for the reply's. You are all right. I shouldn't make her go. I was just worried that she might wished she had gone when she looks at photos of her friends. She does have friends and gets along with most people. I'm going to ask in** March and see how she feels. A lot of the girls are already planning what they are wearing so that is why DD came and said it.

OP posts:

OLP2019 · 04/10/2019 06:45

Such a ridiculous American import ! We never had a prom when I left school ! Sure have a party to celebrate but wtf is it with the dresses and hair and make up and limos and pressure to be Instagram ready it's just so depressing
If she doesn't want to go why not suggest she has her mates over for a movie and hang out instead and do something normal

SleepingIsOverrated · 04/10/2019 06:35

I didn't go to my prom. I'm 31 now and don't regret it yet

Fishcakey · 04/10/2019 06:32

If she doesn't want to go don't make her. My mum would have forced me and I would have been a mess inside and hated her for it. I still remember every single thing my mum made me do

twoheaped · 04/10/2019 05:49

Don't complain, it is an overrated, expensive, night of one upmanship.
Was thrilled my dd didn't want to go and hoping the younger one feels the same when her time comes.

Gooseysgirl · 04/10/2019 05:47

I didn't go to mine. I was very shy around boys (went to all-girls Primary and secondary) and I felt really uncomfortable with the idea of having to invite someone. I know my mum was disappointed, as were my closest school friends. But it was my decision. 15 of us out of a year group of 100 didn't go, we went out for a lovely meal instead.

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thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 04/10/2019 05:41

I didn't go to my prom. Or my graduation. Or the school residential. All things I was told I would come to regret. I never have. I am just not one of life's joiner-inners

Aprillygirl · 04/10/2019 05:35

My younger daughter didn’t want to go to hers either, which I was a bit surprised and ever so slightly sad about until I realised that actually I would have hated all that pomp and ceremony at 16 too. I’m sure many kids feel the same but feel pushed into going by their —mums— peers so congratulate your DD for having her own mind and use some of that money you save on taking her out somewhere nice

Fatted · 04/10/2019 05:21

Well proms weren't a thing when I was at school. You just snuck off to the pub after school on your last exam day. And results day.

If she doesn't like school, then I really don't see why you feel the need to force her to go.

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