Do teachers tell parents this??

[alwaysandforever123]

I have a friend who is constantly making comments like, "my dd is the best in maths (as in achieving higher than everyone else)", "dd's teacher showed us how she is way ahead from everyone else in French"... etc.
I'm just wondering if teachers do this, do they really say that your child is the best and how ahead they are of everyone else?

[purpleflowersarebest]

Ds's secondary school tells the dc their marks out loud in the lesson so they know exactly how well they've done. In reports we get dss' mark, year average mark, dss' target and years average target. It's ok if your dc is above average but id hate it (and think it could potentially be quite demoralising) if he wasn't.

[MrsPworkingmummy]

As a teacher, yes, we would generally say if a child was one of the highest achieving in the class, or if he/she had achieved one of the highest marks in the class. Absolutely. However, we would also point out positives for all of the children, whether highest attaining or not. I definitely think students are aware of the 'pecking order' anyway. They'll know which set they're in for example. My dd is only 6, and she is currently getting really upset about not wanting to go to school today. This is absolutely because she has a lack of confidence and is aware that there are other children in the class who are cleverer than her. She would admit that mind you, but me - and her teachers - know it. She gets upset as the most able students are always the ones who are rewarded and she's desperate for a certificate.

[KingBee]

The Year One teacher used to rank the kids in Maths from first to last and stick it up on the wall!

[MaisyPops]

Most staff I've worked with don't say things like that because 99% of the time it is a waste of time and a pointless topic of conversation.

I've been asked regularly by parents and my answer is almost always the same 'I don't get involved comparing children as I'm sure you'd agree that you'd want me to see Timmy as Timmy with his strengths and weaknesses, not Timmy who is behind Sarah in reading but better than Daniel in writing'.

I'll say Charlotte is a very talented writer or the last piece of Robert's Shakespeare work was exceptional etc.

Some parents love the competition and feel their child being better in curriculum areas is somehow a good star for their parenting. They are also the parents of children who fall apart at GCSE from pressure and we have children upset in y10 because home have told them they better get an 8 on their first piece of work otherwise they are having a tutor. It's such a horrible attitude.

[Hoppinggreen]

I have been told that dd is “ one of our top performers “ a few times but I certainly wouldn’t tell anyone else the teacher said that

[JellieEllie]

At my SDs parents evening we were told that she is the very top of her classmates in all subjects.
So yes it can happen. I aren't sure whether they are allowed to tell us that but they did.

[Bitchbe]

I watched a documentary where the school put all the boys positions in class on the wall after tests so it's feasible. I suspect they were told top of the class and the parent is the one saying better than everyone.

[Witchend]

Not most of the time.
However I have certainly had friends who interpret comments as such, when they definitely weren't meant to be taken that way.

Ime those who really do have children who are working way at the top of the class don't tend to talk about it.

[Bestseller]

I was at a (sixth form) parent's evening recently where the teacher complained at length at the lack of effort from the whole class, including telling me the predicted grades of several of DS's classmates!

[Copperbonnet]

We had a very similar, very contentious thread in this subject not that long ago. It got a bit rowdy.

I have been told that my D.C. was top of the class and how much further ahead they were from the next person down.

I should note that I’m in the US. There’s lots of testing so they are pretty specific about what they say.

I have never ever told any friends in real life what was said at parents night though, either in the U.K. or here. I always just say “they’re doing fine” if anyone asks.

[hertsandessex]

Actually teachers do sometimes say things like this at parents' evenings. Some are also extremely open with the children about scores in tests so everybody knows if somebody is way ahead.

[BuggertheTabloids]

Our primary school does give some indication. Our son (aged 9) was shown the bell curve of the population and told he was in the top 2% of the population scores for maths. Didn't say anything specific about his classmates though so we don't know who is actually "top of the class".
On the other hand my other child is dyslexic so I see the other end of the spectrum too (but they are very supportive with this).

[Thisreallyisafarce]

ShalomJackie

Jesus. That's harsh!

[ShalomJackie]

My son's teacher once showed me a beautiful folder of work for a DT project - which was a girl in my son's class's work. Then he showed me a scruffy lined piece of paper with a free hand diagram scrawled on it - which was DS1's!

DS2's school shows their results, year average and year high mark.

[Thisreallyisafarce]

KingBee

To be honest, I would really appreciate that as a parent. A lot of the complacency about reading and writing levels I see, springs from parents not understanding the attainment of the top children. They think their child is doing okay, when actually they are struggling.

[KingBee]

Teacher told me my ds was very poor at writing and then proceeded to show me - my "child's competition" and went on to show me the child's exercise book who she considered to be the best in the class - so if she was telling me - I'm sure she was at least sharing the info with the best child's parent too!

[Thisreallyisafarce]

Bluntness100

No, I'm not. I don't think it is a moral judgement. The words have different connotations.

[Bluntness100]

Top implies currently the highest attaining student.Better implies something more innate

I think you're over thinking it. If you are the top, then by definition you are doing better than the others. It's not a moral judgement.

[Sugarhunnyicedtea]

We were shown the scores my DS got in his last three maths assessments and told they were the highest in the year. Strangely he's definitely not top of the class in maths though, just good in tests.

Teachers tend to tell you if your child is doing well though so it's not that unusual in my experience

[TooDamnSarky]

Not unusual IMO. Often in the context of them being selected for out of school activities such as those run by a local uni.

[Bestseller]

I don't think it would be unusual for a teacher to tell a parent that a child is top of the class and if the teacher doesn't the children certainly know the pecking order.

[Thisreallyisafarce]

Sorry, perhaps that was too blunt...

Top implies currently the highest attaining student.

Better implies something more innate.

[Thisreallyisafarce]

Bluntness100

No.

[anniehm]

It depends, my eldest was in a class where the teacher sat them in order of achievement and made them move when they did better/under performed. It was terrible, put her off maths and she quit it despite being the best in her school and in the top .1% in the country (she didn't drop a mark at GCSE) ultra competitiveness works for boys more I'm told but it drove her to anxiety attacks resulting in her missing half the classes.

[Wolfiefan]

If she’s constantly making such comments? I wouldn’t care if they were true or not. She would soon be an ex friend. There’s being proud and there’s being a boastful (and possibly insensitive) twit.