Son attacked

[HsD2975]

I got a phone call today to advise that my son (12 yrs) Year 7, had been attacked by Year 10 boys in the yard. He was intimidated by them, put in a head lock, spun round and flung on the field. Another Year 10 then joined in dragging him by his feet. The school attendance officer identified the boys and gave them a stern talking too. At lunch break (same day) the group re-approached my son asking why he was a snitch.

I have told the attendance officer that I have serious concerns for my child’s state of mind and safety. He was bullied in primary school and has previously been physically hurt by other children (never a re-occurring group of children) several times since September.

I have asked the school what punishment is being given to these children from today’s incident. I have been told that sanctions/punishments will be given but they are unable to discuss the details with me. I totally get that they would not give names etc. But surely as a parent of a child who has been physically attacked I have the right to know what sanction has been given to the offenders?

Can anybody advise?

[dolphin50]

if it stays the same or god forbid gets worse the best thing to do i would say would be to either find a school with a very kind reputation or have him home educated if its possible. I'm not talking as an ASD parent but as someone who was very bullied at a school with a very good reputation, unfortunately there is bullying in most schools and it can really change a child if they are growing up with being bullied as it can really limit their character development if they are being knocked down all the time and growing up in fear. But unlike your childs school in my school the teachers knew i was getting bullied but wouldn't do anything about it and never told anyone off even if they bullied me right in front of them. they just couldn't be bothered so at least you are in a school with people who care. However seeing as he might be finding it hard to talk to you about his problems and feelings is a sign that as in most cases it is the victim who feels shame not the bully as a bully makes their victims feel like its them that has the problem. i suffered major anxiety and depression during and after down to the effects of my school years. hitting your teen years trying to find your identity with being dragged down by others can really mess you up and leave you being a shell of the person you once was. As an adult if you kept on being treated badly you would just leave the environment but as a child it is often seen that you should stick it out to toughen up but that is never good on a childs mental health and wellbeing so home education might be something to consider and maybe he might then feel able to talk more openly about him being bullied when he is out of the environment where the bullying is taking place. Bullying is never acceptable and others often feel made to join in down to peer pressure. being bullied and feeling you cant talk to anyone about it is very dangerous. with suicide being the biggest killer in men the causes not just the diagnosis of mental health needs to be taken more seriously and your son needs to feel more secured. the school does seem to be dealing with it in the right way but your childs happiness should take priority whatever that means

[Kerry987]

Involve the police if you want anything done.

[ASauvignonADay]

I agree that its a police matter, but getting the police involved can (and often does) make it difficult for the school to do anything.
It also (IME) takes ages for the police to pick it up. They'll call about incidents weeks and weeks after they took place, and never seem interested in looking any further than just checking if the school picked it up.

[EarlyBird39]

I'd involve the police 100%.

I have zero tolerance with bullies. I was badly bullied when I was a child and I wish I had the guts to defend and stand up for myself. I will never allow the same to happen to my kids.

Police all the way.

Bastards.

[lunar1]

Flinging a child around while in a head lock is extremely violent and is a police matter, it could have easily lead to a spinal injury and at that level could have left him quadriplegic and on a ventilator for life.

Call the police, they have a far lower tolerance for violence than this school and won't victim blame your child. They probably also won't baby the violent adolescents who attached him and will likely keep you informed of what's happening.

[Vicky1990]

If the school won't punish the offenders then the police may take action.

[Branleuse]

Have you considered home schooling or online schooling as a way of keeping your child safe?

[BubblesBuddy]

Regarding sharing personal data held about pupils (such as punishment and sanctions) as far as I can see, a third party is not entitled to have such information without the agreement of the y10 pupils or it is agreed that giving the information outweighs maintaining the confidential nature of the personal records. In this case, the Police could ask for the information about punishments, but schools rarely disclose this info to a third party who is a parent. It is part of the school records about the y10 pupils and is subject to data protection. There are declared recipients in a data protection policy but a third party parent will not be one of them.

[BlankTimes]

My son has been at school 8 1/2 months and this is the 7th time he has been physically attacked by pupils at the school

This is a serious and dreadful situation. This latest attack was carried out by a group of boys three years above him.

I know you said he was also bullied at primary school but please, find a different school for him.
One that will have his safety and wellbeing at the core of how he is treated.

Something is seriously wrong at that school. No-one should ever be treated like that.

He has been physically attacked seven times in eight and a half months, how many times has he been verbally abused?
Take him out, please and find somewhere he can have an education without having to be abused and assaulted.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Vicky1990
As he was assaulted this is a police matter.
The mere mention of this should get the school interested.

I agree that its a police matter, but getting the police involved can (and often does) make it difficult for the school to do anything.

[Cauliflowersqueeze]

By all means report it to the police if you want. The police work closely with schools and we would always support parents reporting it to the police if they wanted.

[Vicky1990]

As he was assaulted this is a police matter.
The mere mention of this should get the school interested.
If it happened to you at work what would you do.
The perpatraitors must not be allowed to get away with violence against anyone.

[Cauliflowersqueeze]

“It’s hardly difficult”. Yes it is.

[Cauliflowersqueeze]

What I’m saying is that it is NOT another parent’s business how another child is sanctioned, no matter what the circumstances. I only used the sausage roll thing as an example of why the school’s judgement is used and not that of the parents.

The school can talk through measures they are taking to keep a child safe without talking about how they are applying the school’s disciplinary policy on another child.

[Branleuse]

Well no, I dont see how its any parents business whether one child threw a sausage roll in a canteen, and you really cannot compare that to a child actually being attacked/beaten up, and the parent of tht child wanting to know wtf the school were planning on doing about it and how they were planning on keeping your child safe.

I had an incident a couple of years ago with my daughter being assaulted and the school took it seriously and reassured me that they thought it was serious. I didnt ask what they were doing to the boy, but i felt pretty confident that they would deal with it because they made sure I knew they took it seriously. Its hardly difficult

[Cauliflowersqueeze]

It’s not that simple. Staff are not obliged to talk about the sanction issued to another child or indeed discuss the other child with another parent. It is the school’s judgement and not that of the other parent.

I dealt with a situation many years ago when a parent felt that a boy should have received a permanent exclusion for throwing a mini sausage roll across the canteen. Another parent might have felt it should have been totally ignored. It’s up to the school to judge the sanction according to their judgment.

If you don’t feel confident the school is dealing with a situation then you are entitled to pass that on, or withdraw your child, or go to the police.

[HsD2975]

Branleuse....exactly, It really is that simple!

[BoneyBackJefferson]

donquixotedelamancha

there is a whole set of issues around sharing information on other peoples children, from data protection to safe guarding.

Even putting up wall displays with information about grades and even behaviour charts have been complained about, usual sighting data protection, safeguarding or even SEND.

It could just be the school's that I have worked in that have the policy of don't say anything about children to other pupils parent, but as I see it you are walking a very fine line.

[Branleuse]

if you felt that the school were actually taking it seriously and not victim blaming then there wouldnt be any NEED for them to discuss the sanctions, as the parent would be confident that it was being dealt with.

[Cauliflowersqueeze]

I would never discuss the sanction given to a child with the parents of another child.

[HsD2975]

Of the previous incidents 2 were the same child who verbally and physical assaulted my son in the school bus. He had also bullied my child in primary school. The secondary school immediately stepped in, contacted parents and told us that if this child continued to attack my son he would be made to sign a contract of aggrement to stay away from my child. This had an immediate affect and this child has stayed away from my son ever since.

I think I have made a views very clear to the school yesterday. It is in their interest to ensure my child is not touched again, as they now know I will take matters further with the senior leadership team.

My son is no angel, no child is. But he does know right from wrong, and he is a very honest child. When he has done wrong he is the first to own up, he guilt trips himself into a confession on many occasions and that is how I trust his version of events. My son has made comments to other children in the past, and I received a phone call from a parent of an upset child. The difference is I made my son get in the car, he was taken to this child’s house and apologised to both the child and her parents. It is called parenting and teaching your child respect for others.

[ASauvignonADay]

OP, what has your son/the school said about the other 6 incidents? Were they of a similar nature?

[Ledkr]

I'd speak to the police to be honest.
My Dd was bullied last year for around 6 months. We had the same as you from the school, almost as if she was to blame somehow,

We gave up in the end and moved her to a new school (performing arts college) she is now happy and living a normal life.

Some schools are just crap at dealing with bullying and I was not prepared to waste my daughters life fighting them.

[donquixotedelamancha]

@BoneyBackJefferson
That may well be the case but personal data is protected.

I'm not sure what this means. The DPA restricts the way computerised records can be processed and shared. It also stipulates consequences for sharing confidential information, which can mean quite different things in different circumstances.

The fact that a child who assaulted your child has been sanctioned is not confidential information. Complaining to the information commissioner that a teacher verbally told a parent 'the child who assaulted your son has been given a detention' would just give them a laugh.

It's fine if, in your professional judgement, you should say nothing at all, but I don't think there is any law on this. I don't agree with that judgement- I think that (if the OP is not misunderstanding things) it gives the impression of evasiveness and lack of clear consequences.

The OP has a right to expect a clear response- if he has actually been physically attacked 7 times (as opposed to exaggerating incidents as kids often do) then I would be very robust in expecting follow up.

[Branleuse]

I would remove my child from this school as he is neither physically or mentally safe there and they are not dealing with this assault satisfactorily at all. I would call the police