DD13 has issues which involve risk taking, immaturity and lack of gadging situations.
She loves her phone and enjoys snapchat and Instagram although we rarely get to see any of it because she is very guarded over her phone.
I know how bad that sounds and I deserve to be told to parent her and I do try but she has ODD amongst other things and it's a real pick your battles mind field, very draining and I feel bad enough about it all without being called out on here as well. I'm asking for help and advice.
It's come to light that DD is in with a few girls online that she allows herself to get pulled in with and long short of it is coming across as a bully. This is horrible and I hate it. Ive previously had parents at my door (understandable) and I've removed her phone for periods of time as punishment. This results in constant wars with her stealing other family gadgets (she has two other sisters) and wil go "missing" after school because "she doesn't have a phone"
A couple of nights ago she joined a live feed (I've no idea really what that is) and a parent told her to fuck off, she would drag her to the curb and called her a cunt. This is a parent that DD has been vile to, I punished her for it and things looked like they had sorted themselfpves out and I've not had any issues for ages since.
DD told me straight away, I think she wanted me to jump to her defence but I've explained that the parent, although very wrong is mad on behalf of her daughter because of how DD made her feel.
I want to take her internet access away. She is clearly not mature enough to be on it but her dad doesn't agree and it's his account that pays for the phone and all the internet etc. He thinks she needs one more chance but that's one more chance to bully someone else isn't it?
Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.
Secondary education
DD13 and social media. What can I do? I now have parents at my door.
DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 24/05/2017 22:07
Oh my goodness, OP this sounds a terribly stressful and horrible situation.
I echo whoever suggested posting again in Special Needs or even asking if the thread can be moved to that topic. If you contact MNHQ they can do that for you.
I know one or two parents who have children with ODD along with autism and or ADHD. It's very very hard work and the support which you and they need is too sparse.
One of the things I would suggest is seeing if you and your DH can sit down with an independent mediator to discuss your differences in parenting your DD. This would be very useful as ideally you both need to be singing from the same hymn sheet when coping with your DD's more extreme behaviours. He needs to be backing you up and it would be interesting to know why he is not.
But more than anything 
for you as I know parenting a child with these issues is so so hard. It's not to do with parenting although support from your DH would help. It's to do with how your DD processes and sees the world around her. She doesn't experience it in the same way and responds erratically....so so hard for you.
Mother - actually, yes. My son. I was also bullied as a child, in senior school, by my peers. Not online, because that didn't exist at the time, but in person, with fists and shoves in the back going up and down flights of concrete steps. I know how it feels on both counts.
The key difference between you and the adult who has threatened to physically harm the OP's child is very simple. You may have thought it. You may have felt it. But you wouldn't, and didn't, do it.
There's a very old adage, which I'm pretty sure that you know: two wrongs don't make a right. You know that. I know that. Even the garden gatepost knows that. But does the adult who felt it appropriate to call a 13 year old child a cunt and threaten to physically hurt her if they see her, know that? Or are they just as much of a bully as the OP's daughter? Worse than the child, in fact, because they are an adult, and a parent, and ought to know better...
I'm sorry if my post offended you. And I am incredibly sorry that your child was bullied to such an extent. When I was 14, I tried to kill myself to get away from my so-called "best friends" at school and their bullying (low-level, so that the teachers wouldn't pick up on it at school, then they'd step it up outside by turning up on my doorstep and saying that I'd invited them round - I was too terrified to say that I hadn't, that I wouldn't, what they were doing to me, until my oldest brother walked into my room one day and caught one of them trying to set my hair on fire as I tried to fend her off). I ended up in hospital overnight, and had a brisk chat from an Army doctor about how I really needed to "pull [myself] together and stop worrying my poor parents". That was a year before the incident with the lighter which my brother walked in on. I'm also in recovery for an eating disorder. I'm not sure if the behaviour/triggers for the ED ever go away fully, and I don't know if this will be any help to you, as a worried mum with a child still enduring what happened to her three years ago, but you're doing the right thing. Please believe me on that. From someone who has been both where your child was (albeit many moons ago), and where you are as a mother, you are doing the right thing. And one day, hopefully soon, it will get easier for your child. I'm sorry.
OP - the only thing I can suggest is that the next time she physically hurts, or threatens to hurt you and/or her sisters, dial 999. Children's Services will have to do something about the situation then. And your husband will have to stop enabling your daughter's behaviour... hopefully before it escalates. Because it will. You know it will. Your other children need you to step up and be a parent to them, as well as to their sister. My daughter was an adult when she was first arrested - and the police couldn't have been more helpful. They pushed for her to have MH intervention (our GP refused to help, even though I was showing her the bruises on my body and sobbing, begging for help... when my daughter was 14 or 15 years old, so I get the lack of comprehension when it comes to such things, in such quarters), because they could see I was at my wits' end with her behaviour/attitude/lying. Children's Services also were extremely helpful, and understood that my son was/is safe around her, as am I, as long as she takes her medication and remains on a stable playing field. As she's an adult, though, obviously I cannot enforce that. The last three times she's been arrested, however, have been because of her behaviour to other people outside of the immediate family. And because of this? She is at risk of being thrown off her uni course (not allowed to return for her 3rd year, which means she won't have a degree), and completely screwing up the future which she has always dreamed of. As her mother, I can't help but wonder if I'd dialled 999 a few years earlier, she would have received the help sooner, and not be in this situation of her own making.
But please take that parents actual threat (not simply felt, or thought, as Mother - and so many others, I'm sure - has admitted to experiencing) seriously. Yes, what your daughter has done (or admitted to doing, and I'm willing to bet - if she's anything like my daughter was/is - that there's an awful lot more which you don't yet know about) is disgusting, but adults cannot simply go around threatening to beat children up! Irregardless of what that child may or may not have done to that adult's child.
Feel free to PM me, though, if you want. Because being caught between a rock and a hard place is neither easy, nor fun, is it?
OP, you Need to repost in the special needs section
You will get a more helpful response than the troll hunting pearl clutching you are getting here.
I hope you and your daughter get the help you need it sounds soul destroying 
OP, I feel for you, I really do - because you sound very similar to me, with my daughter a few years ago when she was your DD's age. Except my daughter doesn't have ODD, but diagnosed NPD and bipolar2. And the situation you have described sounds very like the start of her MH disorders starting to reveal themselves/develop.
My daughter was a bully. She still is, actually. She also had no friends at school because of the way she treated people. She was rude, she was nasty, she was violent, and my goodness but she was determined to have everything her own way, with absolutely no regard for anyone or anything else. She also couldn't see why I wouldn't automatically leap to her defence and why I actually took her Internet access and 'phone away from her, curtailed her social life...
She's 21 now and still has no friends, still can't understand why, still thinks if she physically throws her weight around she can get what she wants, when she wants it... and has been arrested five times in the last 17 months.
However. If this had ever happened when my daughter was a child:- "... the parent called my DD a cunt and said she would kick her to the curb if she sees her...", then to put it very simply I would be leaping to her defence.
An adult (presumably, if their child is of a similar age to yours) has physically threatened your daughter... and you're wondering whether or not you should remove your daughter's access to the Internet? Not about what happens when/if they do see your child and carry out their threat to seriously harm her?!
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