All Girls' Secondary Schools? Opinions please

[Ilikesweetpeas]

We are in the process of considering which secondary school to choose for our daughter. We have the option of an all girls' school, or a mixed school. Both ofsted outstanding, both get great results and are highly thought of. After viewing both I'm surprised to think I like the girls' school best but I've always thought I wouldnt want a single sex school for her. I'd love to hear other people experiences of all girls' schools as parents or pupils. Thanks in advance

[flupcake]

This is actually all quite reassuring! Firstly - DD has a brother and we regularly socialise with other families who have boys, plus she does mixed activities, so hopefully won't see boys as too 'alien'.
The school I am considering is not selective, so there is less of the pressure / issues that some posters have mentioned can happen in girls-only selective schools.

Teachers - there were quite a few male teachers at the visits we did to the girls-only school.

Behaviour - having both girls and a boy myself, I can see how they learn differently. I know it's a generalisation and there are exceptions but when I compare notes with other parents they are finding the same things.

[catslife]

I do think some teachers can still expect boys to do better in STEM subjects and girls can be put off by this
This is another MN stereotype, that may have been true when our generation was at school but definitely isn't the case now. In co-ed schools, teachers of all subjects are trained on how to teach and motivate both boys and girls. Any teacher that implied that x subject is for girls and y subject for boys wouldn't last long.
My dd took several subjects for GCSE last year in classes where boys outnumbered girls significantly and can confirm that the teachers (both male and female) taught all pupils well and successfully.
The negative stereotyping of boys on this thread seems rather biased to me. Some of you may find this hard to believe, but it is sometimes possible for girls to be disruptive in lessons as well as boys.

[mintthins]

Sort of following on from the girls can be disruptive too point. All 3DDs are in a single sex to Y12 school. It is an accident of geography for us really, as it is also our closest school. What they all love about it though, is that they are exposed to lots of different sorts of girls. There are more options open to them in terms of people to hang out with e.g. because by definition in a form of 20 girls, there are 20 different girls, whereas in a co-ed it will be around 10 girls. If your DD is in any way quirky (and by that I mean even just not really getting the appeal of Justin Beiber or sneaking makeup in to school) she will have more friendship options in a single sex school.

It seemed madness to me before we did it, but it has been brilliant for all three of mine, in different ways.

[TheSecondOfHerName]

I had a positive experience of attending a girls' secondary school, and DD (in Y8) has had a positive experience at hers so far. She has three brothers and also keeps in touch with some of the boys who went to her co-ed primary.

[TawnyPippit]

I think it depends a bit on the school.

I'm very glad my Y8 DD is at a co-ed. She is a bright girl, but with tendencies to "over-produce" work and to be very competitive. I think 5 - 7 years in an environment with a lot of other girls exactly like her would have done her no favours whatsoever. We looked at the all girls selective London day schools - and she got a place in one of the most selective, so no sour grapes here - but I just could not see that a selective/academic all girls' school was going to be somewhere that would bring out the best version of her.

[TheSecondOfHerName]

The big advantage I've noticed is the lack of sexual harrassment compared to what many of her friends ( already, in Y8!) experience regularly at their co-ed schools. Much of this is what the boys pass off as 'banter', but it's still sexual harrassment.

[PerspicaciaTick]

When we went to look around our local, mixed secondary school, they were very proud to be able to tell us that they had 1 girl studying A-level Physics in Y13 and (drum roll) another one in Y12. It made me wonder what the STEM teaching in years 7 - 9 was like to end up with so few girls filtering through to A-levels in Physics.
However, their beauty and hair training is very highly rated and they have even had one boy sit exams in these subjects (in the history of the school).

It just seemed that aspiration and achievement was firmly divided by sex.

[bojorojo]

My DDs both had male friends outside school and several of these were brothers and friends of their girl friends at school. Therefore there was no need to be "boy mad". There are plenty of boy mad girls at co-ed schools where they see the boys every day so have far more chances to persuade them to look at them and be interested in them via hair, make-up, and general demeanour. It was a daily topic of conversation where I went to school - who was going out with who! There can also be boys who are very judgemental about how girls should look and nicknaming girls due to their looks. My DDs regularly reported how girls acquired unflattering nicknames given by boys when they went to co-ed schools. I fail to see how girls can flourish in this environment. The shortened names at the girls school were based on actual names and far more friendly.

When DD2 and I visited a potential co-oed school for 6th form, it was interesting that it was the girls who gave her, very noticably, the once-over. Looking at the potential opposition maybe? Killer looks and no words spoken! There really can be all types in all schools!

My DDs went to a few parties, 16ths and the like. That appeared to be normal behaviour! They definitely saw boys as friends, not potential boyfriends. DD1 especially is still very friendly with a lot of them now, post university.

No woman should be judged solely on her schooling. There are women who do not conform to other people's "norms" everywhere and single sex schooling is one factor amongst many. We do not know what parental influence has been like for women who have "odd ideas" about a male/female relationship.

OP - A few years down the line, your DD can change for 6th form. All you need to do is make sure she has some boys in her life when she wants them and if she want them.

[annandale]

Having been to an all girls' school, I did love it, but was very sheltered from normal interaction with boys. I will never forget the huge relief it was going to an all girls' school at the age of 11 though - I hadn't really realised how much of my time was spent fending off weird male rough and tumble that I just didn't get and that I personally experienced as bullying - still not sure whether it was or not. It's also pretty sad when subjects are still effectively gender segregated in 2016, despite all denials. I looked round schools with ds, went into an A-level art class (in an outstanding secondary school last year) - which was 100% girls.

I think single sex middle school is the ideal myself and back to mixed beyond that, but the county we live in lost its middle schools some time ago.

I think it very much depends on the individual school and the child. If you loved the school, trust your gut instinct.

[HPFA]

I think that posters are making very valid points here about looking at the different types of school. An all-girls selective may be more likely to become over competitive than an all girls comprehensive. Although I could be stereotyping here!
DD is at large girls comp and whilst there are some very competitive girls there she herself avoids getting caught up in it.

[Needmoresleep]

HPFA, I agree.

For example Borojo's daughters were single-sex boarding, which means an obviously pressure to attend parties as it allows escape from school at weekends. Our experience was London co-ed where parties, other than for the most social, were pretty few and far between until sixth form.

[GetAHaircutCarl]

DD attended an all girl school from Y7-11.

It was an incredibly positive experience. She did very well academically, but, more importantly, she enjoyed her time. She always says she felt utterly and completely supported at that school and that it was lovely to go through puberty in that environment.

That said, it was not a highly selective, high pressure environment. It was extremely gentle in many ways. And very accommodating of different types of girls.

She chose to leave for a co-ed sixth form. Not primarily because it has boys though. More because she wanted a more academically rigorous education post GCSE and somewhere in central London too. So her brother's school seemed the ticket.

It has gone well so far.

As for the 'boy mad' concerns ( putting aside how hideously sexist and old fashioned it sounds to criticise females who heaven forbid have boyfriends/dates/sexual partners) I can only say that this side of DD's life has been far more active since she went co-ed.

No doubt because there is more opportunity.

[PerspicaciaTick]

A parliamentary report was published earlier this month, looking at sexual harassment and sexual violence in schools.
www.parliament.uk/business/committees/committees-a-z/commons-select/women-and-equalities-committee/news-parliament-2015/sexual-harassment-and-violence-in-schools-report-published-16-17/

59% of girls surveyed had experienced sexual harassment in school or college in the past year.

The number of sexual assaults in schools appears to be growing over time. No wonder girls have other stuff to worry about instead of focusing on their education.

[flupcake]

mintthins - yes my DD is a bit quirky, and that is one of the things she has found hard about primary, the lack of similar children to be friends with. I am hoping that secondary will open up new friendships. Even in year 6 the girls talk about boyfriends, try to sneak make-up to school etc and she just does not get all that. Or they tend to be very sporty. She is quite bookish and she just needs a bigger pool of potential friends! (and she doesn't get the appeal of Justin Bieber either).

[catslife]

Personally though I think that each school is different and should be judged on its own merits not on it's type e.g. whether it's co-ed or single sex, academy or community school etc.
There are co-ed schools out there where girls don't wear make-up etc (my dd went to one). There are schools that have excellent pastoral care and have an ethos that encourages pupils to be themselves that are both co-ed and all girls. On the other hand there are schools that like to mould pupils into a certain model that are single sex as well as co-ed.
I don't know what the schools in your area are like OP but personally I would firstly "choose" the school that was the best fit for my child and the fact that it is single sex or co-ed is a secondary issue.

[Ilikesweetpeas]

This has been such a helpful discussion to read, thank you all who have contributed. I'm tending towards this being the right school for my DD, and I'm just surprised that it's a girls' school! We love the atmosphere and ethos and, as posters have suggested, will look for some social ways she can keep interactions with boys. She's an only child, no male cousins / family friends so will maybe look at joining scouts when she's older, or something else that's not single sex.

[bojorojo]

Errr.... There was no pressure to attend parties at weekends to escape from their boarding schools! What an odd suggestion, needmoresleep! Mostly they came home at exeats just like everyone else.

[Bobochic]

All other things being equal, I think it is preferable for children to attend mixed schools. But things are rarely equal - there are inevitably many variables in the decision to choose one school over another. The most important thing at any school is that your own child feels comfortable and supported to do and be her best self.

[flupcake]

Bobochic - yes well said.
I think if I had the choice we'd go mixed but you have to weigh up different factors e.g. Exam results / distance to school / school facilities / school ethos / your child's preference .... In our case, we haven't actively sought out all-girls but taking all those factors into account, it so happens that the best fit seems to be all-girls. I think I was after some reassurance that all-girls will be ok!

[Badbadbunny]

There is no such thing as mixed = good, single sex is bad, just as you can't say single sex is better than mixed. Just as you can't say grammars are better than comps, or comps are better than faith schools. Generalities just don't work when it comes to schools.

Some single sex schools will be wrong for you child, just as some mixed will be wrong for another's child. People make their judgements by their own experiences and what they hear on the grapevine. If single sex schools were universally worse than mixed, they'd have been banned.

We worried about my son before he went to his boy's only school. We needn't have worried. He loves it there. Our neighbour's girls go to a single sex school - the elder loves it, the younger hates it.

Funny how a few people have said that the opposite sex are viewed as aliens by those who go to single sex schools. Funny because I went to a mixed and didn't mix at all with the opposite sex and yes, I did regard them as aliens and it was quite difficult to start relationships etc at first when I started to be interested. My experience was that the boys sat together and the girls sat together. Some teachers insisted upon it, i.e. girls in the left hand rows, boys in the right hand rows, but even in other lessons, it just seemed to be the norm that boys and girls sat on separate tables. It was only really into the sixth form where it became truly mixed.

If kids really want to "mingle" with the opposite sex, they'll find ways via out of school clubs/activities, and many single sex schools do have joint events such as school plays, joint choirs/orchestras, discos, etc - our son's boys school certainly do, and the boys and girls travel in together on the same buses so they can socialise on the bus too!

You have to look at your options and choose what's right for your child. Some people have a choice of faith/grammar/comp, others have a choice of single sex/mixed. Don;t let others influence you - your child needs to make an informed decision and that shouldn't be affected by other people imposing their positive/negative experiences on you!

[Bobochic]

Whichever school your DC attends does not have to be the be-all-and-end-all of their education. I have always supplemented our DCs' school experience with EC and holiday courses and you can easily "tweak the balance" by ensuring your DC receive out of school the things that you don't find optimal within school.

[BossWitch]

I taught at an all girls school for 4 years and I thought it was great. There was definitely less pressure on the girls to "grow up" in the sense of being fully made up etc - I'd say 70 - 80% of ours didn't wear makeup, or wore very little. They were also very much non body conscious in a lot of ways; I'd lost count of the number of pairs of pants I'd seen in the first term, from some very wriggly uniform rearranging in my year 10 form. They'd do other very 'young' things to, like skip down the corridor just because they fancied it. It was lovely. There was a bit of bitching and some students with self harming issues and eating disorders, but not by a much greater margin than I've seen in coed schools. They were definitely more confident in the stem subjects (in fact the school was very biased towards STEM, which was a right bugger for me as I teach English!) and were much sportier than girls in coed schools tend to be.

I'd definitely send my DD to an all girls school, if I had the option and it seemed like a good fit for her as an individual.

[BossWitch]

Argh!! Too!! Bloody auto correct / lack of proof reading!

[Bobochic]

I am very against mixed sports - my DD does rugby (with boys) and this does not promote love of sport, despite a fab teacher.

[teta]

My 2 dd's go to a girls school.Purely because it gets the best results in the area and the local school is very disappointing.Just go for the best academically all round school and don't angst over whether its single-sex or not.