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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

Dd moving schools, current school wants her to stay until the end of this term

57 replies

lottielou7 · 28/05/2016 09:40

I posted a while back about the problems my dd has been having in her independent school and how I had decided to try to move her. These were issues affecting other people but having an impact on her, emotionally as there are only 20 students in the year. We went to look at one of the local schools which is very difficult to get a place at. All of our secondary schools are oversubscribed but this one is particularly so. She and I were both impressed with it when we had a tour and she was pleased with the art department too, which is important because she's exceptionally talented in that area. They have offered her a place to start after half term.

This has all come as a bit of a shock to her current school and I've been asked to go to a meeting with the head, but this will be after half term now. The head of year has said that moving dd after half term won't give her or her peers time to come to terms with the fact she's leaving.

It is a shame because she loves the teachers at this school (and was crying last night because she will miss them) but not the students so much. I think that speaks volumes though!

I feel it would be best for her to move after half term but I'm second guessing myself now because her current school wants her to stay at least until the end of term. Am I doing the right thing?

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yomellamoHelly · 28/05/2016 10:19

I'd move her now. Gives her a chance to get to know some people and hopefully develop a few friendships over the holidays. Can't see why your dd would want to continue any longer in an environment she's not happy with.

Finola1step · 28/05/2016 10:24

I would mover her now. Your only priority is that your DD settles well.into new school. Starting now means that she will be involved in the fun activities of the summer term (sports day, trips etc).

She will also get ro know her new teachers now before the hectic September rush. And by September, your DD will no longer be the new girl.

No way would I allow old school to have half a term to "persuade" her to stay. The other dc in her current year group are the concern of the school and their own parents.

CodyKing · 28/05/2016 10:26

I moved DD with 5 weeks to go - it will give your DD time to find her way round - everyone's more relaxed due to the summer term - maybe trips or days out - lessons are less structured in a wind down - sports days and school fates etc -

This will give her chance to meet new faces and teachers without the emphasis on work! She can get to know the expectations and the teachers will have time for her

Do it

Haggisfish · 28/05/2016 10:31

FYI when we thought about moving dd from one state school to another, we were offered a place in the morning one day and she was all set to start the very next morning! That's how quickly these things normally work. Please ignore independent school and do what you think is right.

OddBoots · 28/05/2016 10:33

Now is the best time for her to move so do it without worrying about the school - that is their problem to clear up. If she has friends in her current school I am sure there are ways for her to see or speak to them out of school and those that are not her friends won't be worried either way, it's just the school worrying about reputation and others following suit.

HamletsSister · 28/05/2016 10:33

If you leave it until the summer she won't have a chance to make new friends and summer plans with them. Move her now.

FishWithABicycle · 28/05/2016 10:40

Unless the new school is a private one you don't have an option - no state school will hold a place open for you - you would only be able to delay if there are no other takers - too big a risk for you to consider it.

The old school just isn't the right environment for your dd and they aren't going to be able to change the culture of the whole school sufficiently to make it so. Meanwhile it's much better for your dd to move now after half term - she can spend June settling in and getting her bearings in the new school and will be much better prepared to start y8 than she would be with a September move.

alltouchedout · 28/05/2016 10:40

Oh definitely move her when you think it's best, not according to their wishes. You could make it clear to them that if theirs were opinions you were likely to be swayed by, you wouldn't be removing your child from their school. Why on earth do they think you're going to listen to them?

lottielou7 · 28/05/2016 10:59

Yes, I did feel the the problems there are encouraged by some of the other parents. So impossible for the school to sort out really.

Thanks again. I do feel better reading all your comments. The new school have arranged for her to have a learning mentor for her who is going to meet her on the first day. She has done their entrance test so I see no reason for her not to move really. They have gone to a lot of trouble to show us everything in detail. We looked at another girls school but she would have to board (which she didn't want) and she didn't like it as much as the school we've chosen.

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eyebrowse · 29/05/2016 21:32

Definitely move her. It would be half a term in limbo otherwise. She needs to get on with her life. Starting after the summer holidays will give her six weeks of worry as to what the new school will be like.

lottielou7 · 29/05/2016 23:19

I'm feeling much better about moving her after half term now. She also seems happy about it and apparently won't miss any of her current peers.

I'm always grateful for mumsnet because reading a thread like this seems to help me see things more clearly.

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lottielou7 · 29/05/2016 23:19

I'm feeling much better about moving her after half term now. She also seems happy about it and apparently won't miss any of her current peers.

I'm always grateful for mumsnet because reading a thread like this seems to help me see things more clearly.

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NattyTile · 30/05/2016 08:02

If it's important for the other school to say goodbye, then I'm sure they could invite her back for a farewell assembly or end of term party or something. But far more important for your daughter to get to know her new classmates before the summer holidays.

lottielou7 · 30/05/2016 11:26

I will go in and see the head but I'm not going to change my mind and will start her next Monday at the new school as planned. Hopefully I can explain to the head the situation. It is strange how in year 6, none of this was apparent (until the girl with SEN joined). It's like suddenly certain circumstances make people show their true colours.

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CodyKing · 30/05/2016 12:03

I'm all for being inclusive - but there comes a stage when this policy disrupts the education of the whole class - in DD case the child was being violent towards staff and children alike - he's bullying one child so badly he's had a breakdown - DD wasn't learning and was frustrated - she was never the target - but dealt with the fallout -

I don't know your back ground - but she's settled and happy and learning she made a new group of friends and is enjoying school which ultimately what we all want for or DC

Let us know how she gets on!

lottielou7 · 30/05/2016 12:40

Yes, my dd wasn't the target of the bullying. But seeing the child with SEN treated so badly every day really took its toll on her unfortunately. And as others have said in a year of 20 (and class of 10) there is no escape. My view is that if the school agreed to enrol the child in question then it is their responsibility to make sure that her needs are met and deal with the bullying.

Apparently the girls say to this child 'Don't sign up for that activity because nobody wants you to go'

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lottielou7 · 30/05/2016 12:42

Another problem with the small year groups is that my dd was in the lower set for languages because there isn't room for her in the higher set. She scores higher than some people in the top group and says the lower group holds her back.

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KingscoteStaff · 30/05/2016 13:34

Definitely move now.

Does she know anyone at the new school? If not, can you dig out a friend of a friend with a daughter there? A meet up this week will help her next Monday. I

t will also give you a steer as to whether you need to buy all the uniform now - the child may tell you that no one's wearing their jumpers at the moment, or that everyone's swapped from tights to socks.

lottielou7 · 30/05/2016 14:15

No, she doesn't know anyone at all! And I don't know how to find anyone unfortunately. We are not near the catchment area, although still in the same town.

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CodyKing · 30/05/2016 16:23

Well let DD know she can invite friends round - and look out for any clubs etc near the new school - does she have a phone? It does help with arranging things

FishWithABicycle · 30/05/2016 16:33

No, she doesn't know anyone at all! And I don't know how to find anyone unfortunately
If you change your nn and post in chat "anyone got a child at xxxx school" you can probably find a fellow mn-er to meet up with. And threads like that are so common that no one will connect it to this situation.

KingscoteStaff · 30/05/2016 17:22

What about through her hobbies? Guides or cadets or hockey clubs tend to draw girls from a wider area - might there be someone there?
But harnessing the power of mumsnet is probably the best plan!

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Sadik · 30/05/2016 18:59

I wouldn't worry too much about not knowing anyone. A friend of dd's recently moved schools due to bullying, she didn't know anyone at all at the new school, but has settled really well already after only a very few weeks. Being new makes you exciting - I see that at dd's school, everyone wants to hang out with the new girl/boy & get to know them :)

I've actually seen a fair few dc move between the two local schools (in both directions!), and I think in every case it's been transformative, just getting a new start has made all the difference.

Sadik · 30/05/2016 19:00

(Though dd's friend actually moved to a third and entirely different school in another town, hence why she didn't know anyone at all.)

CremeBrulee · 30/05/2016 19:04

Move her as you have planned. What the current school means it that if you move her now, it won't be able to manage the shockwave of parental gossip that will ensue as a result. They are worried that parents will notice you leaving and might follow suit.

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