Nice boarding schools for girls!!

[egyptiandancer64]

My daughter left her country Prep school and we tried a London Day school which was very pressurised and a disaster as she didnt fit in. I then sent her to a boarding school where she is having a very tough time with a very disruptive year group and a lot of bitchy girls... Any ideas on nice schools ? Tudor Hall? although I think not very academic or Downe House which I fear may be pressurised as well and full of eating disorders...! Any other ideas for schools within an hour and a half of London. Preferably single sex but am beginning to think maybe co-ed too.She starts her GCSE syllabus in September so I need to move quickly and have been trying to find somewhere. She is rather fragile at the moment and I am terrified if I move her again and get it wrong again I shall have a child with rock bottom self esteem. Any ideas please?

[nattarji]

yes i agree with sylvanians

[Roseformeplease]

That sounds like a lot of school changes.....

[Millymollymama]

I think the big problem is that there are "bitchy" girls in nearly every school. The trick is to be sufficiently robust to avoid them, not to engage with them, and have a sufficient variety of girls in the year group so that friendships can be formed with pleasant girls. My DDs went to two of the schools mentioned up thread and many of the girls were truly awful in DD2's year group at one school although DD1 had a wonderful year group there. Sadly, you just do not know what you are getting even at a school you think you know.

In my view schools do not really deal with their difficult pupils because they literally cannot afford to. Short term exclusions are used but the girls come back and start all over again. At plenty of schools like this there are parents who have not explained to their children that they don't get their own way all the time and therefore these children have a sense of entitlement backed up by the parents. The parents are so rich, they are entitled too! Generally though, it is best not to compete and leave them to it. I also think better friendships are formed from year 10 when GCSE teaching groups are formed. Children can find the pupils more like them in their teaching groups.

Did your DD board at the country prep? Where did the majority of girls go to from that school? Many boarding schools have lots of overseas boarders and quite a few schools are weekly boarding so this might be better for you. Also, very many schools are capable of teaching bright pupils. Just because they are less selective, does not mean schools don't get good results with the pupils they have. Tudor Hall is perfectly academic for most! You have pigeonholed some schools rather unfairly!

[Miggsie]

Hampton Court House in West London is surprisingly free of girl bitch groups.
However it isn't a boarding school.

[nattarji]

non selective schools with good results show the quality of teaching more fairly IMO

dd is at a non selective school that gets fantastic results - value added!

severs is horrid my younger dd had it, she had a year off but is back with a vengeance!!

Where does SHE want to go??

[nattarji]

I think the big problem is that there are "bitchy" girls in nearly every school. The trick is to be sufficiently robust to avoid them, not to engage with them, and have a sufficient variety of girls in the year group so that friendships can be formed with pleasant girls. My DDs went to two of the schools mentioned up thread and many of the girls were truly awful in DD2's year group at one school although DD1 had a wonderful year group there. Sadly, you just do not know what you are getting even at a school you think you know

^^^^ totally this

it only takes one influential girl to make things unpleasant

[BananaCake123]

Definitely look at Roedean. And definitely avoid Queen Anne's in Caversham if you want to steer clear of soul destroying, cliquey, bitchy girls. Sorry, just talking from personal experience of lovely dn.

[alli1968]

Hi

Are you sure that it should be just girls? My son is at Millfield and the sense I get is that you dont get the bitchiness there. He absolutely loves it.

there is a genuine mix there with the significant scholarships for army etc.

i would recommend it.

[Seriouslyffs]

Not boarding. When it goes wrong its 24 hours a day wrong. Pick another day school.
What does she want to do?

[Leeds2]

Woldingham may fit the bill. Lots commute daily from London, and a mini bus meets the girls at the station.

[Patricia909]

I am a great fan of boarding - but not for fragile DCs. If day school is tough, boarding can be much worse.

[Namehanger]

Frensham Heights, near Farnham co-ed but very quirky with the performing arts very well supported. Extremely positive atmosphere with good pastoral care.

I have two there, totally different personalities but both in there own way getting the support they require.

[petitdonkey]

Benenden?

[Purplehonesty]

I too would say day school so she can come home in the evenings to recharge.

Perhaps there is a reason why this isn't feasible though, do you both work abroad or something?

[egyptiandancer64]

Lots of her Prep school friends went to Benenden but I gather that her year group there is not "gelling" well or so I was told and that someone has just run away!! we were offered that place but I thought better not out of the frying pan etc.. Bitchy girls everywhere I know so I am now thinking Co-ed might be an option as it slightly dilutes the bitchiness i think!

[egyptiandancer64]

great advice from all and will go away and digest - very quickly!! so agree with MillyMollyMama re the bitchy girls everywhere - you are so right and it is as ever how you deal with the... she boarded at prep school and is fine with it so I think weekly a good option as you know you will be home every weekend. London Day not an option as we have tried and they re scarily pressurised.. am sure fine if you are very clever but she is not !

[Seriouslyffs]

London day schools are not all
ridiculously pressurised- of course there are schools of all types. Please reconsider sending her away. As I sad if it goes wrong she's stuck there and you're not around to pick up the pieces.
Another thing to consider is her temperament. I once got cornered by an intense mum who insisted on telling me exactly why her dd was commuting across London away from the local reputedly pressurised school. All fine but she was still working 4 hours nightly and all weekend as well as playing 2 instruments to grade squillion. Your dd might just be someone who struggles wherever she is. Another reason to keep her at home, where school is a smaller part of her life.

[Tailsmo]

Lord Wandsworth College in Hampshire. Co-ed, usual entry points at 11+ and 13+, but joining in other years happens too. It is a foundation school and therefore has children from a range of socio-economic backgrounds. 1200 acres of beautiful Hampshire countryside, day and boarding.

[Needmoresleep]

OP, I understand where you are coming from. My DC are at the end of the process, and have enjoyed their London education. However both are pretty robust in different ways, and have been aware of "anxious" children and the heavy pressure placed on some. I don't know what schools Seriously has experience of, but I suspect things won't be much easier in what might be considered "less academic" London schools.

London has lots of different tribes, but two that can cause disruption are those that are absolutely focussed on a good US school. Entrance involves endless box ticking including evidence of "leadership" and broad high level extra-curricular. So lots of tutoring outside school, lobbying for posiitons such as sports captain, a need to maintain "class placement", lots of fretting about achieving straight A*s and whether individual teachers are good enough to deliver (some of the parental bullying of teachers we have witnessed has been quite shocking), and so on. Then the international rich. I can think of one child who seemed to be being raised by the bodyguard as the mother spent as much time as possible in Paris, and the dad was busy "exporting to Africa". DC have some great "children of oligarchs" anecdotes. There are some pretty fundemental culture clashes between children from very priviledged backgrounds and traditional British school set ups. Anecdote has it that one or two Headteachers are blinded by the bling and don't stand their ground as well as they might.

Looking back I am convinced that it is the "right school for the child", not the school that performs best in league tables. And that a wider ability intake, as long as the bright kids are getting the results they should, is often a good thing. Having like minded and supportive peers is very important. By later teens peers have a much greater influence than parents, and if your DD has a constructive, emotionally intelligent firendship group with high but realistic aspirations, the whole sixth form/public exam/UCAS thing gets driven by them with no need for parental nagging. Its finding the school (state or private, day or boarding) with the right peer group.

I know quite a number, of particuarly girls, who have shifted school in secondary years for similar reasons. Boys in contrast seem to move because they are naughty or disengaged. Perhaps different responses to the same issues.

I understand (good source!) that Mayfield is experiencing a significant increase in enquiries from London parents interested in a school that enables girls to have a more normal childhood away from the pressures of London day schools. I assume the same is true for other smaller name but sound schools. Mayfield's advantage is that first St Mary's Ascot will syphon off the more socially orientated Catholics, and then that Catholic traditions tend towards inclusion rather than selection.

[Millymollymama]

Headteachers blinded by bling!!!! Gosh that rings true!!! The difficulty is that, when the bling children are awful and the bling parents are putting squillions into the new building, other children can suffer because a blind eye is turned to the behaviour of these children. This scenario can happen in smaller schools as well as the more obvious ones. What school does not need the money these parents bring?

[summerends]

Really lucid post Needmoresleep about all that I have heard (including reasons for DCs leaving schools).
Ideally schools need a strong management team who do their best for each DC not just certain groups independently of pressures but who are still flexible enough to take on board 'real' parental concerns.

[gonegrey56]

I second the recommendation for St Edward's, Oxford. Opt for Corfe house - really lovely Housemistress. Might be just what your daughter needs.

[KleineDracheKokosnuss]

For co-ed maybe Kings Ely? It's got a very good pastoral care reputation.

[Seriouslyffs]

Needmoresleep I have direct experience of four London Day Schools, 2 Boarding Schools, prep and senior, in and outside London, nieces in two different boarding schools and nigh on 20 years experience of boring dinner party conversations parental angst over schooling. But feel free to maintain that all London day schools are hot beds of neurosis. Do you think the children your dcs knew would have had easier time at boarding school?

[Seriouslyffs]

Not four- five schools. I missed out the prep school- where you could predict which children were going to have an unhappy secondary school experience. Based on their personalities and parents not the school, day or boarding.