state boarding for age 13 -18?

[firstchoice]

Hi,
We are completely rearranging our lives and considering a remote area which offers Middle Schooling (around 15m from house) and then offers a state Boarding option (mon-fri_ for ages 13-18 as High School will be over an hours journey due to remoteness of locale.

We could never afford Private Boarding but feel our bright but shy children might get opportunities this way that we could never afford for them.

Does anyone have any experience, please?

(the school is in Northumberland, btw)

[UniS]

One big plus in my eyes about rural comprehensive schools ( with or with out boarding houses) is that the school has to serve and educate all ( bar a very few who need special school facilities) of the children in catchment. There isn't the option of another school who do x or y better or worse. All the children from your rural middle school will end up at the same Hugh school.

[Hedgehogsrule]

I'd guess there will be a lot less supervision and help for children than in an expensive boarding school? And fewer evening activities.
I think that it could in theory work, the main concern being that you have a Plan B if it doesn't, as it is certainly high risk.

[firstchoice]

I also have a friend with a child with ASD who is now boarding (having not been able to tolerate school at ALL) who is now thriving so it can work for some.

But, I do take your points and appreciate you making them re the level of supervision / privacy etc. Thank you

[firstchoice]

I realise 'boarding is not one long activity weekend'
I was merely sharing that is he clearly capable of much more than we had dreamed, in the right environment.

Thank you for the other information though, schoolnurse.
It is helpful in decision making.

We do not have a dx of ASD but a recommendation that he be tested thoroughly which our local nhs is refusing to do.

He is at a rubbish school, which is in (the equivalent of, we are not in England) Special Measures and he HATES it. Our other child, who is obviously NT, hates it and is struggling too.

I am wondering about a small supportive boarding situation in FOUR years time, that's all.

[schoolnurse]

"But finds socialising very tiring"
I work in a large boarding school and we have quite a children diagnosed with ASD from what youve said about him finding socialising very tiring in my professional opinion you would be out of you mind to send your "tetchy" DS to a boarding school. Boarding is exhausting even for those without SEN, our first years in particular are now absolutely exhausted, it's has no resemblance to being at home, yes there are rules and a routine in the grand scale of the thing but your DS will have to live eat play sleep alongside 40 different children who within these rules will have their own way of doing things. Some will be tidy, some will be unbelievably messy, some quiet, some loud,some hard working and conscientious, some lazy. Some of the children will be absolutely lovely sadly a few will be thoroughly unpleasant. To thrive in a boarding school you need to be adaptable, tolerant if differences, be able to read situations and people both adults and children, not require privacy, be happy with inconsistency from staff and be independent. You have to be social because boarding is all about the group and being part of it. Your DS will have to live alongside children who are at an age where they're not always able to see it from others point of view, children who borrow your belongings, pile their belongings on top of other peoples, children who are not always kind, children who are sad, children who repeatedly brisk rules, all sorts of children. I know from extensive experience with our ASD children many find this exceedingly difficult. It can be done of course but we have a very high staff to pupil ratio, a multi disciplinary approach and still quite a few leave after a couple of years a return to being day children because they are able to adapt and cope with the environment.
I also agree with what others have said about the levels of supervision. We are a 33k per year boarding school many of our staff live in the school premises or around the school premises, we have resident matrons, nurses on duty 24/7, each house has house masters/mistresses and their families, resident house tutors, 2-3 tutors on a rota visiting every night, an army of cleaners there 10 hours a day but it is impossible to supervise every child. I also know they never check prep the point of boarding is that children learn to organise and work unsupervised.
You commented above how much your DS liked his activity weekend, boarding is not one long activity weekend yes children do do varied activities but it's primarily about being at school which is also your home.
Please think carefully before making this move.

[stealthsquiggle]

If this is default option for the area because of the distances involved, then presumably most of their contemporaries at middle school will be heading in the same direction? That makes a massive difference IMO. You will have 4 years to see how he is in the middle school, and he will have that time in an environment where heading off to board is the norm. Plenty of time, so I would focus on the middle school, which does indeed sound very promising.

[firstchoice]

Good points everyone, thanks.

I am not sure I had appreciated how prep works but as for the 'rules' - yes, this will suit him very well. He has an ASD and needs rules and regularity, conformity and predictability. He has none of these at his present shambles school.

[MillyMollyMama]

I totally agree that teachers are not present during prep. If he has major problems with prep at home I think it is unlikely he will suddenly become organised and self sufficient at boarding school. The students normally keep their books in their designated work area or room and do not have time to go back and get stuff if it is forgotten when it is time for lessons. You said he has additional needs and you may find prep is supervised by a 6th former. Not a house master/mistress. In our school the House staff did not 'nanny' the children at all. The children had to be organised or school life was a challenge.

There are so few boarders at this school he may find very few are like him. I would go and visit and ask some serious questions because I am not sure you truly appreciate how boarding schools work. He will still have to do his weekend homework with you and if he does not settle, how often are you prepared to go and sort it out when it is so far away? Are you strong enough to tough it out if he struggles? Most boarders struggle at times and you will have the additional problem of getting him back on a Monday morning after the weekend at home. Also all schools have bullying. All boarding houses have bullies and strict rules about lights out, getting up, breakfast, housework, chores etc and it suits children who conform, not the ones who are different. They don't get the chance to be different. Only you can judge, but ask in depth questions and be open about his difficulties.

[derektheladyhamster]

Not sure about this particular school, but I just wanted to comment on your comment about Prep.

Please bear in mind that the subject teacher will have gone home (unless he/she is a tutor in the boarding house) There will be probably 1 tutor on duty in the house during prep so although they all have to be quiet in their rooms and 'do' prep, there might not be the supervision you are anticipating. Disclaimer - I only have knowledge of 2 boarding schools, so if this is a big concern please check with your school.

[firstchoice]

thankyou, sheherazade.

That is certainly my thought about homework. Poor boy never understands what he has to do, never has it with him from school, and cant communicate with us how he wants/needs to do it. If it was AT school with him, and he had a set time, and there was a teacher to check what/how it might save him a great deal of stress.

Sunshine75.
Thank you.
Got it.
replied.x

[sunshine75]

I've sent you as message.

However, just had another thought.......rural schools (in my experience) are more likely to have quirky individual kids than city schools. That's not to say that there is no bullying but I think kids who are 'different' are more likely to be celebrated/find like minded friends.

[SheherazadeSchadenfreude]

Weekly boarding has been the making of my two, particularly the getting the homework done bit, and help from teachers/house parents. Grades have gone up significantly. If you're sitting down to do "prep" with everyone else, it gets done, as there's nothing to do but homework for that period of time. It's not like at home, when you can always do it "in a minute."

DD1 is quite quiet and nerdy, and she has blossomed no end. She hated it for the first few weeks, when she was full boarding because we were still overseas, but has made a good set of friends, both day and boarders.

The feel of the school is important - if you like the teachers/head, and it feels the right place, then go for it. I've had reservations all along about DD1's school, but she was desperate to go there, and is doing well, although I still don't particularly like it. DD2's school is just lovely, and suits her to the ground.

[firstchoice]

I don't think I was rude, Korma, as I said:
'sorry, perhaps I have not been clear?' and then clarified
but sorry if you took it another way?

I hope your son has a great time in September and enjoys his school.

[firstchoice]

Oh, Sunshine - IT IS!

Would you be prepared to tell me more by pm perhaps????
I'd be so very grateful for some info from someone who knows the school a bit, as this is like gold dust!

I am about to make big decisions (not irreversible but big) over the next week and part of it is the end destination of HB.

Ds is very very very techy, prob ASD (aspergers - hugely bright but finds socialising v tiring), and very quirky.

Dd is musical, social, clever, but not confident.

My feeling is that we could aim for this school and leave the 'boarding' decision until later on to see if he / she likes it, and if not they just have a long distance to school?

[sunshine75]

Oh and if he hates it then lots of kids do travel for miles to get to/from school in rural Northumberland. Northumberland's transport bill is huge! Taxi to bus stop and then bus for an hour + to get to school (all funded by LEA).

[sunshine75]

Is it Hayden Bridge? I don't know much about the boarding side of things but it is a lovely school. I know people who have sent their kids there and thought that it was a great school.

[firstchoice]

thanks, longtallsally

that's my thought.
Still 4 years to go.
I can rent till then.
If he hates the thought in 4 years, I can move nearer but it will still be an area I can afford.

titchy

The other one I know around here is for kids living on Lindesfarne (Holy Island). They cannot travel daily due to tides so their board is paid by LEA for Longbridge Towers which is a private school. There are no extra charges there.

[longtallsally2]

I would be very impressed with this Head too - he sounds as if he has a lot to offer children, and with 4 years to go, your son would be in a good position to know whether the thought of boarding was for him or not. If he got closer and didn't like the idea, or if he tried it and hated it, presumably you would be in a position to move a bit nearer to the school.

I think you sound as if you are ready to give it a go, and that it's worth sometimes taking a risk. (My ds1 loved weekends away too, and would give his hind teeth to board somewhere. He just loves being with other kids.) I know exactly what you mean about that glowing look when coming home from time away.

[titchy]

Most state boarding schools charge for the boarding element - in fact I thought all of them did. It's normally only the education bit which is free obviously being state. Lucky you if you get the board thrown in!

[firstchoice]

Sorry, perhaps I've not been clear?

It is a STATE boarding school, not private.
It is not one of 'these' schools.
There is no entrance exam.

There are no fees. The LEA pays them for all kids who live 1.5 hrs away from a High school, as is the case in this v rural area.

[titchy]

Blimey - who funds the boarding then?

I'd also advise caution. Most kids would be euphoric after spending two days abseiling and canoeing. Not the same as spending most of your week struggling to do homework without any family support around.

[JimBobplusasprog]

Mn is full of anti boarding posters. I boarded and dh state boarded. It was fun. We enjoyed it. Both did well academically from middling starts, both became confident and independent. If it's the norm locally then your dcs will know other kids at the school when they start. Sounds great to me.

[firstchoice]

There are no fees.

It is a state school in a remote area. Those travelling more than 1/30 hours to school each day are offered a boarding place, Monday to Friday.

My son is highly intelligent too. He is also dyslexic. However he has scored very highly in IQ tests. One does not discount the other.