To board or not at 13

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

DS1 is coming to the end of yr3 in a day prep in London. The prep has a good record of getting boys into London day schools and well known boarding schools.

We need to start the process of registering for senior schools over the next year or so (e.g. St Pauls has to be during yr4).

I wanted some views from people who have decided for or against boarding on what factors they took into account and at what age were you fairly certain that boarding would or wouldn't be the right option for your child.

I appreciate some people have strong views on the concept of boarding school and I am happy to accept that some people will object in principle to boarding but that is not really the advice I am looking for [hopeful emoticon].

I would consider registering DS1 for boarding schools at 9-10 and risk losing the registration fee if it is not the right thing for him by the age 12.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

goinggetstough - that's a very good point about weekends by year group.

pointissima that sounds great for your DS (fish pie excepted ). Its lovely to hear the positive stories. DS1 is coping ok with the pressure so far but I do worry about how pressured the senior schools are (and the run up to the CE / Scholarship exams etc at his prep).

[Colleger]

Sounds like the same prep school Pointissima!

[meditrina]

You need to be alert as your child settles in. Some children really do not take to boarding and if that is the case, you may need to be ready to look for an alternative day school.

[goinggetstough]

Meditrina that is true but then you need to be alert to your children's needs at any school. However, if you start your child boarding and you are "ready" to look for a day school then I would suggest you will be sending out the wrong signals to the child. From experience DCs with parents who say if you don't like it you can move are not helping their child. I am not suggesting that one would leave a massively unhappy child in any school. If at the first sign of homesickness the child expects to leave (as DCs often see things in black and white) it will not help them settle.
Chaz ; My DCs boarded from age 8 as we were overseas, have had some homesickness in the early days and now the second DC is about to leave school and they have both enjoyed the boarding experience. We spent a lot of time matching the child to the school as I am sure you will do Chaz so although our DC were together for prep they went to different senior schools. This hasn't meant that they don't know each other, they have a very strong bond. They are always chatting to each other and sharing their experiences.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I am going to do some serious thinking and detailed research to work out what sort of school will suit DS1 as he matures and what will work for us as a family.
Then of course I will have to do it again in a couple of years for DS2 so its interesting to hear goinggetstough that your children went to different senior schools as I think my two might be quite different types of boys (only time will tell).

Funny how this thread hasn't yet kicked off unlike the Eton / Harrow one (or am I tempting fate?)

[meditrina]

Trial boarding was mentioned on another thread - but I'm not sure how that would work. Has anyone done it?

goinggetstough: I didn't necessarily mean that you would tell the child that you had fallbacks in mind, but it's a factor that parents might want in theirs. Some homesickness might be part of normal settling, but some children (once actually boarding, rather than considering the prospect) might prove not suited at all.

[RockStockandTwoOpenBottles]

My three older children started boarding in Year 7 and are now in Years 12, 11 and 9. It was both a practical and wanted decision in that I live abroad and their father moved around a lot with his job.

They are at a co-ed and both the DDs, who are extremely academic, and our DS who is very sporty, have reached their full potentials. They have all loved their time at their school and neither they, nor us, have any regrets about sending them there. They are full boarders as that was what was needed at the start.

Both my ex husband and I were boarders and loved our school days and I know that our children have been and are extremely happy at their school.

I echo those above, though, in that your child in Year 4 will probably be a very different one towards the end of year 6/7/8 and it's wise to put names down at a few places. Go to the open days, talk to others on here who have children at the schools you are considering and, most importantly, involve your DS in the decision. What you think he will like and thrive in may be a different place to that which he prefers...

[goinggetstough]

Sorry Meditrina I didn't mean to offend you, but I have seen a Mother (a friend of mine) drop off an 8 year old to board for the first time and left saying exactly that. I could have cried at the time as it made it so much harder for her DC to settle. You are correct there are a few (very few in my personal experience which is limited to my DCs 3 schools where 3 have left due to not being suited to boarding) and as parents it is hard to be positive if they are a little bit homesick, but it is so important to be positive. That doesn't mean that you hide your emotions, but that you are careful how you show them.
Trial boarding sounds good in theory, but possibly would involve a few nights away and that is more like a sleep over and not the real thing. At my DCs prep school they had to go for a one night sleepover which helped the school make sure they were ready for boarding.

[meditrina]

Not offended!

I knew a family where it happened. Elder DC happily boarding, and remained so. Younger DC hated it, didn't settle at all, and the parents realised it was intractable and so arranged a day school and she moved at Easter.

[JenniferClarissa]

goinggetstough - I was interested to see your DCs had gone to different senior schools, as that I what we are considering for ours. They didn't overlap at prep school, and would never be at the same senior school at the same time, and although the younger DC misses their older sibling, it hasn't stopped them having a very close bond.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I know what you mean about getting the right balance between giving your child the safety net off being able to stop boarding if its not the right thing and encouraging them to give it a proper try and time to get over the homesickness and newness of it all. My son's school runs residential trips each year from yr4 so it will be interesting to see how he copes.

Rockstock: ultimately it will be DS reaction that decides things if boarding is an option currently I am weighing up whether or not to put that option on the table.

It struck me that cost is no longer the factor it used to be as the London day schools like St Pauls and Westminster are now so expensive for day pupils that if you can afford either of those you may be able to stretch to boarding fees.

[RockStockandTwoOpenBottles]

Chazs I would gently put it on the table, but that's with my children iyswim. Mine were involved with the decision and they definitely wouldn't have gone if they didn't want to. We also looked at some of the London day schools like Jags, Alleyns, Dulwich and even Emmanuel, and I would have moved back if one of those were chosen (although DS may yet be going to Dulwich for 6th Form).

I agree with the fees - with some of them there is so little between day and boarding, which strikes me as odd.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

RockStock I think you are right that it has to be a gentle approach. I will do my research into the day and boarding schools first and then then sound DS1 out subtly when he's a bit older. I really don't mind losing some registration fees if that's what it takes to give DS1 a reasonable choice.

Its difficult to step back from the history, facilities, old buildings etc sometimes and to take a more objective decision; ultimately it doesn't matter about glittering new sports pavilion or 400 years of history if the school doesn't suit your child.

[RockStockandTwoOpenBottles]

Chazs that sounds pretty much what we did for the DC. Like you say, losing 3 or 4 reg fees isn't the end of the world when we're trying to find the right fit. We were extremely lucky to find a school that suited all three, but we wouldn't have hesitated to send them to separate ones if that was what had suited. As I said - I think once the groundwork has been done by us, they need to be part of the decision making - they're the ones that will be spending 5 or 7 years there after all!

We're moving back to London towards the end of this year and I'll be starting the whole bloody schools things AGAIN with DD3 who starts in September 2013. Oh the joys...

[TheMead]

DS prep offers a week-long trial boarding though some can stay only a few days in the time window. A buddy is accompanying the newbie, so there is a help all the time. The trial is available for both existing and new face, in a term before you applied for. About 90% of boys loves boarding after the trial. It's often the parents who 1) think their kids need parental care, or 2) want to keep them in their sight longer.

Some choir schools tend to charge minimum cost, since the school needs to run boarding facility for singing kids anyway. The one I know only adds ~£1.2 per term, which is equivalent to when you keep DC at home.