Am I a bitch

[TwinSetAndPearls]

I hate my dp dog. He shits in my garden, has wrecked my lawn, chews dd toys, always pulling over the kitchen bin and spreading contents over the floor, he smells, he slobbers, the house is full of dog hair, he has ruined my carpets, he makes my house smell, we can't go on holiday for more than a week because dp won't leave him, when I am on my period he practically rapes me.

On top of that I am allergic to him, not a little bit , but a serious allergy that robs me of all my energy. He makes me feel like I have flu permanently, so tired, run down, constantly sniffing eyes streaming.

Oh and another thing, dp keeps letting him sleep in our room so our bedding gets covered in dog hair.

I keep telling dp I don't like him, dp keeps saying that he will find him a new home but he never does. Tonight had a row about him which has resulted in dp walking out with the dog saying I am an intolerant bitch and he will have to find a way of getting rid of him just to shut me up.

I now feel awful as dp and dd both love the dog, I spoke to dd about finding a new home for the dog and she was heartbroken. I also wanted to find the dog a proper home with people who loved him not have dp wandering the streets with him. He could be a lovely dog in the right home, he is a Springer with a lovely temperament and fantastic with kids but just not in a home with someone who doesn't like dogs, hates hoovering up dog hair and is allergic to them.

So am I a bitch? Should I let the dog stay?

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[TwinSetAndPearls]

You are right it is his attitude, but this attitude only appears when concerning the dog. I left last night, dd is absolutley heartbroken as she adores my dp, keeps asking what is happening and I don't know what to say to her.

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[TwinSetAndPearls]

He is just like this about the dog in every other way he is the most loving, compassionate unselfish decent man I have ever met in my life. i feel so silly for letting a dog come between us, but I can't bear him ignoring my ill health and his lying to me and ignoring my wishes.

[bubblerock]

I haven't read the whole thread but I can see how hard this is on both of you

Your DP must have a strong bond with his dog and is acting responsibly - he chose to get a dog and that is a big decision (a dog is for life...) I do admire him for that although I can also see your point of view with the allergy.

I'm not sure how you're going to resolve this to be honest, sorry I'm not much help (I would adopt him if I could )

[TwinSetAndPearls]

He has read it.

[TwinSetAndPearls]

I have suggested fencing a bit of the garden off, but our garden isn't very big to be honest after the patio and dd playhouse. So it would mean the dog having the runnway down the side of the house and the kennel.

I am angry now, not so much about the dog but dp lack of respect for me. I don't understand why he is being like this as he is a wonderful man in every other way and adores dd and I. But I have already made arrangements to move out while dp decides what he is doing.

[Fio2]

why dont you make him read this thread as he isnt listening

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[Jimjams]

Looks like a compromise isn't going to work as your dp is making no effort to try it. What would happen if you actually moved out with your dd until he sorts something (whether that's keeping the dog in a limited area or finding it a new home). I do think there are ways round the childminbding (separate bit of the garden, gates etc\0 although it would be easier without the dog!

[TwinSetAndPearls]

I have told dp that I can't childmind with the dog in the house, it isn't as lie really as I don't want to childmind with him in the house as I don't think it is fair on me, the kids or the dog who would be locked up all day. dp just shrugs hs shoulders.

I told dp the dog could stay on the condition he slept in his kennel and only came as far as the kitchen in the house. Spent the day cleaning carpets and cleaning to get rid of all dog hair in the house as this was supposed to be a new start. Went to bed feeling very positive, woke up about three in the morning as I had started sniffing and wheezing again and sleeping on the floor was the dog Told dp he had to get out of the room to which dp said he wasn't on the bed and it was cruel to expect him to sleep in his kennel. I then spent the rest of the night on the sofa

Took dd out for the day, asked dp to keep dog out of the house, came back and dog asleep in dd playroom.

[piglit]

Can't you tell dp that the ofsted people have told you that you can't child mind with a dog in the house? I know it's a lie but it might make him address the issue. I thought your suggestion of the dog going to dp's mum's in the week sounded like a really good compromise. FWIW I absolutely love dogs and we have a 15 month old lab and a 9 month old ds. Dh takes the dog out every morning for an hour and I take her out almost every afternoon. We also have a big garden and she has the run of that all day. She is very gentle and sweet natured and wonderful with ds BUT I would never ever childmind with a dog in the house. Similarly I would never send ds to a house with a dog. Children and dogs can wind each other up and what the dog thinks of as a playful nip/lick/whatever can be seen by the child/it's parents as a savage attack. It's just not worth the risk in my opinion. Even a smallish dog must seem like a monster to smaller children.

[TwinSetAndPearls]

I didn't know all of this until we lived together! Now it is a bit late.

[expatinscotland]

You're a braver person than I am.

I don't really like dogs and wouldn't date someone who had one to which he was really attached, slept w/it, let it indoors, etc.

[TwinSetAndPearls]

Thanks Fio2, I am grouchy and over sensitive at the moment as well

[TwinSetAndPearls]

Because although he loves kids and wouldn't hurt one he is lively and would probably jump up at them. So he would have to be kept away from them, if I kept him in the garden as we do at present it would mean the kids couldn't play out incase he scared them or did a poo that I didn't see and one of the kids touched it. At present for this reasson dd plays in the front gadren, but obviously any mindees couldn't do this.

So when I start minding the dog would need to be kept upstairs and out of the way all day, which would be unfair on him and make my allergy worse.

The Ofsted inspector commented on the dog as he is big and lively and said he would need to kept away from the children and not in the garden if I were to use it for the children.

[Jimjams]

Why can't you childmind? Ds1's childminder has a dog.

[Fio2]

wqell there you then, we can agree on something :0 dont think i am being nasty as although i have a very grouchy side when I have pmt and my h works away i can usually see both points opf view i hope your new arrangement works, i wish you all the luck. i do think your dp need s a good kick up the javksie though!

[TwinSetAndPearls]

We are in agreement there Fio, it breaks my heart to see people buy pets on a whim, we had a fanily meeting before buying a goldfish.

I have worked in a cat rescue home after trying to raise some ferrel kittens and it broke my heart and made me so angry to see aniamls bought and then dumped a few weeks later. Despite my perhaps flippant comments which were written just after a row with dp I am a great animal lover.

The cat we have at the moment is from a rescue home and before we were allowed to bring her home the owners of thr sente inspected our house and interviewed us and commented on how pet/child centred our house was! So I guess your comments just struck a raw nerve with me.

[TwinSetAndPearls]

It isn't an oh just get rid of it attitude,I have been dealing with this for a year, that has involved me sleeping on the sofa or in my Mum's spare room just so I can get some sleep and be able to parent my dd without loosing my rag through exhaustion. Me trying to get on with the dog, asking to take him to obedience classes, walking him every day to build a relationship. I have even loked into enrolling him onto a gundog training course as I thought it would bring us together and enable me to control him. As I said he behaves impecably for dp.

And I would not have been dumping him but place him with a family who would love and give him the time and care he needs.

But it is all immaterial now as he is staying.

[Fio2]

and to be honest i dont think my view that dogs and cats being put into rescue homes because they are unwanted is that astonishing, it is a widespread view that that is wrong, that is why the rspca do campaigns at chrostmas to try to stop people buying pets ona whim...and that is not directed at you either

[Fio2]

It wasnt just aimed at you twinsetandpearls and tbh i did realise after my initial 'oh poor dog' emotions that is more complex and you do have an allergy. i just felt the 'oh get rid of it' attitude a bit callous tbh

[TwinSetAndPearls]

The dog is almost three, he does spend most of his day outside, but it means that dd can't play in the backgarden incase he does a poo I don;t see.

Dp won't allow the dog to sleep outside at night.

[TwinSetAndPearls]

"no wonder there are so many unwanted dogs and cats and animals in general in rescue homes around the country if this is peoples attitude. It makes me sick "

This comment has actually left me fuming, despite everything our dog will never be taken to a rescue home and he is never treated aa unwanted.

I have made enquiries about an organisation who rehome Springers who vet all their prospective families - the dog would stop with us until we find him a home that we were happy with.

He is by no means a neglected animal, I agree that during the week he could be walked more, although many dogs are walked less than he is. On weekends he gets about three hours if not more a day. Every other weekend we take him up to the Lakes for several hours.

Dp adores his dog, he built his kennel himself and had me sitting up makes him a padded bed to go in the kennel.

I met a wonderful man with a dog and we fell in love, I used to be allergic to cats and birds as a child but had outgrown the allergy I hoped the same had happened to dogs. We took the commitment so seriously that the dog would come and stop with me before we bought a house together and I was fine, it must be continouus exposure to the dog for months at a time that has made the allergy so bad. It is just not me disliking the dog, at present because I have hayfever on top of the allergy to the dog I have to spend two days a week at my Mums with dd as the constant sniffing, sneezing and runny eyes means I am not sleeping so I get tired and grumpy and can't look after dd properly.


I have decided to keep the dog as dp loves him so much and I also know that dd will miss him dreadfully. This will mean that it is very unlikely I will be able to childmind, I am not quite sure how we will cope financially as we were counting on the money. The dog does poo on the grass but never the path, so we are having our lawn dug up and replaced with a more suitable surface so that will cure one problem, hopefully.

[Fio2]

and i am not one of these soft people who lets her dog sit up the table with a knife and fork btw before your imaginations run wild about me being the dog lady

my dogs are dogs they arent people