ex is having another baby

[itsybitsy08]

We have been split up around one year and a half - we met when i was very young and naieve, took me 4 years to get away from the abusive destructive relationship.

We have a 2.5yo dd who he has never bothered with, no bday cards xmas cards, financial contribution.

He takes drugs and has an alcohol problem - he recently started sending solicitors letters demanding contact with dd (on his terms only), which i refused for a number of reasons (long story)

Anyway hadnt heard anything lately and it now turns out that he is expecting another baby with someone, obviously thats why...

Dont really know why im posting this, it was just abit of a shock really i suppose and i needed to get it off my chest.

i have a lovley caring DP now and no feelings towards ex so i dont really know why this has bothered me!

[itsybitsy08]

Hello all! Have just found a spare few moments to get back to this and would like to say a big thank you to motherlovebone, balloothebear, mummiehunnie and stewiegriffinsmom for your support and understanding.
You have helped me sort out my feelings and realise that it probably is normal! Thankyou again xx

(Lemonmelon - also thanks for your input, very helpful! I dont really feel the need to justify myself to you as you are so way off the mark with your judging)

[Mummiehunnie]

My ex has similar issues, not seems that the taking up smoking, drink and drugs started after he left, as that was the type of company he started to keep, I think the man had a breakdown, when he left for ow. He did that stuff as well with solicitors and courts, I had no problem with him seeing children, I was scared when they were with him and he was not pleasant to them, emotionally withdrawn from them etc, I felt that maybe any dad and to know their dad was better than to not, my issues were with the g/f she had some strange ways about her that are not good for kids, long story... anyways he decided to give up on the children and to try and make babies with her, she miscarried and seems to have problems getting pregnant, ex has nothing to do with kids, actually for the best, but a bit of contact that they were in control of would be nice, a few times a year, so they know him, he does not want that... anyways sorry for going on so much, what I want to tell you is that my theory is that these men are looking for something outside themselves in others that they will not find, thinking that the next relationship the next baby will be perfect or better, they never get what they want as what they need to do is work on themselves on the inside, he won't wait around as long for the next kid, he will have them and relationships over and over again, or he will go and get help, either way, of course you are upset for your ds and someone else listed them all, take time to get over the shock.

[baloothebear]

LemonMelon- people like you get on my nerves. Take your judgemental waggy finger somewhere else. The poor girl is feeling bad- don't make it worse for her. I am assuming Lemon Melon that your relationships are perfect and you are a paradigm of responsibility.

Op- I think what you are feeling is entirely natural but I would try and find it in yourself to pity the new baby and thank your lucky stars that you are away from him.

[motherlovebone]

lems OP states she was very young, doesnt say if the pregnancy was planned, if the child could be at risk it is OPs duty to protect her.
we dont know the circs and OP wants advice on the here and now, not contraception in 2007.

[LemonMelon]

erm not to be blunt but if you split up when your dd was about 1, then biogically you conceived during the 4 years you was trying to get away....why have sex irrespponsibly and bring a child into that?

Also, you mention drug taking and alcohol like it a bad thing? Then why have a child with someone like that?

Also, unless your ex has been in trouble for violence etc its not your place to be telling him he cant see the child he happens to also be a parent of.

If you have no idea why your posting...um....why post?

[motherlovebone]

It could be bothering you for a number of reasons...

thinking back to your own pregnancy/hopes you had
that he has dropped his contact battle now a new baby is coming along
that DDs position is undermined and threatened, that new baby will possibly have the father you wanted for DD
that DD will have a half sibling who you know nothing about

could go on...

just keep being a good mum and try to shrug it off.
you have no control over it, go with the flow.

try posting on the lone parent board? (i know you are with DP but am sure there will be a few who have been through it)