Things which make you aware of gulfs in upbringing between you and DH/DP/DW

[UnquietDad]

With me it is the way DW's family all live within a mile or so of each other and anyone moving out of the town or area is met with a raising of eyebrows. None of her old friends from school can understand why anyone would move "away from their mum".

Her parents still manage to "drop in" even though they are 50 miles away. They will frequently (although not as frequently as they used to) "pop" to see us unannounced and uninvited, which is supremely irritating.

I could not wait to get away from the town where I was born, and I'm quite comfortable being 3 hours from my mother!

[Bucharest]

Erm, that'd be the Catholic church, the Catholic church and at a push, the Catholic church.

He's on a 12 step programme though

(also the thing about no-one moving further than 2 streets away from Mamma)

[Shodan]

Mainly the fact that DH's parents are still together and enjoy each other's company. Worked together bringing up their children etc etc.

Just weird, man.....

[TrillianAstra]

That would drive me mad UQD!

Can you not arrange to be shagging on the living room floor next time they 'pop' round?

[HellBent]

Amount of money spent at Christmas and birthdays. MIL spends more on me than my mum and usually spends more on DC's than we do! My parents will go to great lengths to get something the kids will enjoy but not cost much but his mum has to spend money on the same things!

[EndangeredSpecies]

Eating off knives and using plastic plates.

[FabIsGettingThere]

Everyone in his family got married before having kids and only his cousin generation have lived with their partner before marriage.

I am the only person in my family to get married then have a child.

All DH's family are still with their husband/wife.

Mine, I don't know.

[pithyslicker]

I live 5 minutes from my parents, I love my mum popping round, she loves spending time with the grand-children. I see my family regularly, is that odd? I don't think so.

[TrillianAstra]

Odd to some people, not to others pithy - that's the point.

[diddl]

Everything I did was wonderful as far as my parents were concerned.

Husband has always been a disappointment to his.

And he´s an only one!

[pithyslicker]

Trillian- your right I suppose I'm lucky

[dejavuaswell]

I didn't expect my parents to baby sit and they never did.

My DH did expect his parents to baby sit but they never did.

Does that count?

[bronze]

money here too. PIls wealthy and are very generous. My parents are generous but don't have as much

[Miggsie]

DH's niece was the first in his family to go to uni.
They still don't think DH has a "proper job" because he "works at a desk".
His family have no idea what I do, and if they knew what I was paid, would be amazed I think.

But they are lovely people, but compared to them I am "posh".

And all the women in DH's family are obsessed with housework and their houses are immaculate.
My house is a slum, and I have a cleaner!!!!

[QuestionsAnswered]

DH's family had dinner, we had tea.

DH's family have cups and saucers, we had mugs.

The gulf is there in so many ways, that I can find it uncomfortable when the two families get together (luckily rarely!) as they look down at each other in different ways. It's almost comical to see them slip in to their roles.

[thumbchick]

yawning abysses between DH and I - but he was brought up in Australia and I in England, S.W.London area.

Biggest irritation - his Dad never "did" presents at birthday or CHristmas, so he and his DB were never initiated into the idea of doing presents for his mum => doesn't "get" the idea of getting me or DS presents, whereas all my family all do presents for birthdays, Christmas etc.

His mum has had more presents off DH since I came along 7y ago than in all the rest of the time she has had DH. That's a bit sad, I think.

Lots of other little things that are probably cultural as much as anything.

[BirdFromDaNorf]

The North / South divide is a big thing in our household. I'm from the North, DH's from the South.

Racism and homophobia - trained it out of DH - who wasn't either but fell into comments that I won't have said and then he retrained to become an electrician and hears all sorts of ??? all day long.

Money is another divide. His family think it makes the world go around. My family think hard work and love makes the world go around.

[fluffles]

soon-to-be-DH's family are loud and sociable...

mine are reserved and quiet...

so it's a good job that i didn't take after anybody in my family and am in fact loud and sociable myself

[BirdFromDaNorf]

DH Family wanting everything in our boys to be a reflection of DH or his family. My Family seeing all their traits as them being amazing, independent little people.

My family saying "Do not call your children anything family related" DH's family banging on about family names from the moment we said we were pregnant.

When we said I was pregnant first time around MIL's first comment was "how" ???? Says it all. My Dad said "yee ha, been waiting for you to tell me that. Fantastic"

[Nemofish]

Dh is from a very down to earth background, but wealthy as well.

I am from a deluded quite middle class liberal background, but a relatively 'poor' background, no holidays, no car, if there was money for school shoes, I was thrilled. In my last few years at school, my school uniform was almost the only clothes I had!

So he has the cash, I have the class!

His parents were lovely, sadly both passed away, my parents are fucking evil not nice and are still alive, despite smoking and drinking for several decades. Pah.

Ooh we are a pair of contradiciotns!

[jafina]

Similar to BFDN, DH's parents see themselves as the only grandparents (possibly as mine are abroad). MIL actually made a comment about the DC's along the lines of "and without us none of them would be here!".

All positive character traits are down to them.

Plus my MIL believes all women should stay home and raise children. She loves the fact that I am a stay-at-home Mum even though I have told her time and time again that it is a choice I have made and not a belief system.

My mother is a raging feminist!

[Bumperliciouzzzzzz]

No gaping things, despite quite different upbringings, me, single parent family, 3 kids, 2 different dads, (well, actually really it's 5, 2 different dads, 2 different mums, parents both married twice, and not to each other) me the eldest, bought up on a council estate.

DH, youngest of 6, 2 different dads, but MIL was widowed twice, bought up in a country village, DH's bro's and sis's are all older than my mum (my youngest bro is 11, his eldest is nearly 60). However there are lots of similarities. Our mothers are surprisingly similar despite nearly 40 years age difference, both barmy, hypochondriacs and dramatic. Both families pretty poor and both of us were the first to go to uni in our families.

The big differences are, despite my upbringing I was always pushed to go to uni and my mum was so proud. DH didn't do well at school but went to uni in his 30s. None of his family regard his education that highly, none came to our graduation. His family are lovely, but whereas mine are very tactile and overt his are always underwhelmed. When we got engaged the first thing his sister said was 'Hmm, let's see the ring then?' . My family always hug when we see each other. DH can go for months without seeing his and they'll great each other with a nod and 'Alright mate' (this is his sisters too!). They are lovely though, but I always feel like they don't like me. He says their ambivalence is a sign that they think I am family .

His family have long running feuds over money and don't speak for years, we don't mention certain members in front of certain others.

My aunties completely regress when they see each other and get very shrill and fight over things (handbags, collectable teddies and diamonds bought from bid-up TV ) but it's all over by the time they leave (thank God).

[MorrisZapp]

MIL is Daily Mail (but lovely), my folks are Guardian readers to their fingertips.

So far they have never had to meet but now I'm pg I can see it looming like a big sandstorm on the horizon.

MIL will say 'ooh if it's a girl you can buy such lovely clothes', my mum will say 'Of course you won't be buying into all that gendered shit, here - read this latest polemic' and then both women will look at each other as one would at a rare and odd looking mammal in the zoo.

Help meeeeeeeee.....

[Bumperliciouzzzzzz]

My MIL doesn't have a mobile, and only has freeview and a DVD player because DH set them up for her. MIL won't even call DH on his mobile.

My mum has an iPod touch, a MacBook Air, a Wii, a netbook and is now lusting after an iPad. She will no doubt buy DD her first laptop at 4 years old 'because technology is part of her life'. We fell out temporarily over a children's DVD player for DD's 2nd Christmas (I vetoed it so she bought a giant doll, against my express wishes, to spite me).

My MIL and all my SILs are really industrious, make do and mend types, probably though growing up poor. My mum also grew up poor and consequently fritters money away on gadgets and Uggs. She pissed herself laughing when I told her I went to a knitting group.

[bobbiewickham]

Bumper, I think I love your mum

[cloudedyellow]

Bumperliciouzzzz I think I need a family tree, but they all sound fantastic. I especially like the regressed auntie fights