You never close your eyes when I kiss your lips anymore

[MillyMollyMoo]

How do you get it back, that romance or spark ?
We've never had any child free time together before and I kind of feel that I have 7 months before the next baby comes along to pull my marriage together before it's too late.
Moneys tight but frankly I am prepared to find the cash to get us back on track.

[Malificence]

So, is this more about the fact that you've had your confidence in him shaken because of his "wobble" and this has got you questioning the rest of your relationship?

Do you think that Relate counselling would help - even if you came to the conclusion that you didn't want to be together that doesn't mean you can't be good parents.

When you say he went along with your plans for another child, did he not express any reservations before you became pregnant, or were you so focussed on having another that you didn't listen to his concerns?

[MillyMollyMoo]

Ok taking that on board, I guess my advice to a friend would be get through the child rearing years and then split up, if you can.

But is that possible without going around the twist or the right thing to do.

[MillyMollyMoo]

I didn't listen at Malificence if this is the straw that breaks the camels back then it's totally my fault.

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

No, it's not possible without going round the twist and it's not the right thing to do, IMO. I would never give that advice to a friend either. I have to admit I'm struggling to empathise here, mainly because I can think of nothing worse than making an active decision to have a child when I'm not happy with the father. I'll therefore leave the thread for a while and wish you luck, Millie.

[Malificence]

Just imagine waking up one morning, your children have grown up and have their own lives and you have wasted 20+ years with a man you don't really love, have no passion for and you are empty and full of resentment at how things could have been.

I'd rather be on my own than live like that, I've been married for almost 25 years and we've kept together through the rough times because we have that solid bedrock of love, intimacy and respect.

We have an empty, child free house now and if I didn't look forward to my hubby coming home every night and giving me a big kiss and cuddle, I would feel cheated and empty and wonder what the last 20 years had been for.

[MillyMollyMoo]

I've made the classic elastoplast baby mistake in hindsight, but it's not the babies fault and he wasn't held down and raped so it's not 100% down to me.

What a mess.

I hear what your saying about the 20 years scenario but surely if we've raised our children together and given them a stable home life then nothing has been wasted really and what's the alternative ?

[mummee09v]

just wanted to see how things are for you this week millymolly?? hope you are ok x

[Hackers79]

MillyMollyMoo - do you enjoy your family life? You say you are good parents so do you enjoy spending time with him as a family. I'm not hinting towards staying in your relationship for that reason, but it is a good basis. I think you should see a councillor sharpish. They can't make you enjoy kissing him or having sex with him, but not everything is purely physical and maybe there are other reasons to do with how he behaves that result in you not fancying him as much as you could do?

What about your other relationships with men before you met your husband? Did they follow the same pattern. You owe it to yourself, to your husband and your babies to try your hardest to work a way round it. If after all your work and patience trying to get to the route of the problem doesn't give you a healthy relationship then at least you know you have done your best.

I wish you lots of luck.