if i were to leave

[VivaLasVegas]

I'm just looking for some advice.

If I were to leave my husband. Where would I go?

I have no money, do you work, have a young child. How do I find somewhere to live and could my child be taken away if I don't have a job?

I have been single on benefits before but it was so long ago that I know it has all changed.

[mumoverseas]

think that comment could easily be taken out of context and hope it doesn't scare all working mothers!
In the case of a dispute between the parents regarding residence of the child(ren) - formerly called custody, the courts paramount concern would be the welfare of the child(ren) they would look into all the circumstances and order reports be prepared by a CAFCASS officer (formerly called a court welfare officer, an official appointed by the Court). Just because a mother may work, doesn't mean she isn't the best person to have residence of the children. however, if she was working very long hours, working away etc and the children may be cared for by a nanny/childminder and the dad was working shorter hours or not at all, then this would perhaps be taken into account. In short, we don't all risk losing our children so please don't be worried!

[MinkyBorage]

Oh my goodness,vivalasvagas, wishing you a lot of luck and strength for the journey ahead. Good for you for doing the research, it's a fairystep in the right direction.

[bossykate]

oh so it's only if you work and have childcare that there's a danger fhs!

yes i think working mothers have to be very, very wary these days.

[bossykate]

sorry about hijack.

vivalasvegas, all the best to you, good luck.

[GrapeJelly]

Thanks for clarifying that, Mumoverseas. It's probably sensationalist reporting, a bit like the vaccines hysteria, but still worrying.

[bossykate]

how do you know mumoverseas has clarified that? is she a lawyer? if she asserts she is a lawyer could you possibly verify the assertion? did you actually read the post closely? it says, "...the children may be cared for by a nanny/childminder..." could be grounds for the father to have residence! how many working mothers would be able to work without paid childcare? i have recently had legal advice on this very subject and yes i think working mothers should be concerned.

[bossykate]

if you have reason to be concerned you should take legal advice.

btw mumoverseas, i don't know if you are a lawyer or not, i just think people shouldn't be relying on mumsnet posts if they have a concern about how the courts will consider which parent will have residence.

[Sillyworry]

Vivalasvegas, posted on your last thread advice as I suspected you were in a difficult position. Be brave sweetheart it will have to get a little tough before it will get better but it will be worth it. I do hope all the people I have helped in the past are happier for it. I had to get out of that type of work as I took to much of it home with me. The above advice is great, does not need to be repeated by me here.

[stoppinattwo]

MOS

VLV good luck, and wishing you happiness

[bossykate]

"Perhaps there are other matters that may have led your solicitor to feel that you should be concerned?"

what a nasty insinuation. i'm sorry but since you have now held yourself out to be a lawyer i'm going to have to ask for your message to be deleted in case other people read this and jump to conclusions.

i'm having a shit time at the moment - which with all your experience you should have guessed and the last thing i need is some lawyer insinuating that perhaps there are good reasons why i should have my children taken away.

crying now. thanks for that.

[lowrib]

VLV just a quick note to say hope you are OK. I did read the other thread and I'm glad to see that people are (mostly) being helpful at last. [hugs]

[mumoverseas]

bossykate, think you are over reacting somewhat? I have not made a nasty insinuation. I have merely pointed out that if the matter of residence goes before the Court to decide, they will take into account ALL the circumstances of the case, which of course may include the day to day commitments of each parent and numerous other factors, such as where they live, whether the children are settled in a school nearby one parent etc. There are too numerous factors to list on here. Without knowing the personal circumstances of your case, I cannot comment further but I do not believe I have made any insinuations that you should have your children taken away.
In fact, I believe that your previous posts had made several insinuations regarding me and my advice. You questioned whether I was a lawyer, and therefore I confirmed that I am. I have not 'held myself out to be a lawyer', that implies that I am saying I am when I am not. I would again refer you to the warning provided by mumsnet regarding this. By all means, request that mumsnet delete my messages, but to be honest, you are then preventing free speech and free advice which is what I had thought this was about?
I am sorry you are having a shit time at the moment but with respect, that does not give you the right to criticise other people and potentially scare working mothers that they will/may have their children taken away, which potentially is what your posts are doing/have done.
I am sorry that you are crying, clearly I had not intended that but I cannot sit back and allow you to criticise me and with absolutely no justification. I suggest, as I always do, that you discuss with your lawyer the relevant factors in your residence matter and wish you good luck with your case.

[lowrib]

bossykate I'm sorry to hear you're having a shit time. Perhaps you could post a separate thread on the issue you're concerned about? Just that I'm getting a bit worried that your hijack seems to be taking over this thread. VLV is not in a great situation, and has asked for advice, so it's unfair really to hijack in this way.

If people are worried about the issue you mention, then surely it warrants its own thread anyway?

Would be a shame if MN deleted MOS's posts, she gives useful advice.

If you would like to discuss this further, please begin another thread, and I'll join you there.

[bossykate]

i haven't criticised you! all i've said is that people shouldn't rely on mumsnet for advice! which is what it says in the disclaimer you keep referring me to! with respect, of course the overwhelming probability is that you are in fact a lawyer. but people should be careful about taking people at face value on the internet when it comes to professional advice.

if you could stop being so egotistical and sensitive for a second you would see that the overall bitchy tone of your response does in fact make it look like you are making insinuations about my situation. and you have done so having gone into great detail about your qualifications and experience so will what you say will carry weight with people.

and i stand by what i said re working mothers - yes of course my solicitor went over all those things you mentioned. it all sounds so reasonable - until you go into some examples. e.g. shorter hours, so reasonable you might think - so does that mean every working mother who is married to a teacher wouldn't get residence? i do think that is a scary prospect. remember (and even the guy from fathers for justice mentioned this!) that women are utterly stigmatised when they don't get residence as well as having the misery of being separated from their children. and that's another reason why i can't allow your insinuation (be honest that's what it was because you were irritated with my posts and wanted to respond hard) to stand.

yes i do think women should be very careful about this. i'm not a lawyer so i'm not claiming any expert opinion. i do think people should get legal advice on this if they have any concerns at all - any initial consultation is free as you know.

[bossykate]

yes i am very sorry for hijack and will not post here again. i won't start another thread as clearly by being concerned about this issue i lay myself open to suspicion.

very sorry for you vlv and once again i apologise for hijack.

[mumoverseas]

I agree with lowrib that you should start your own thread and seek advice on there and hopefully other posters will advise you. The only reason I have gone into details regarding my qualifications is your direct comments as to whether I was a lawyer!
VLV, I hope that you are ok and finding the support you need and hope that some of the posts on here have not increased your concerns. did you manage to find a family law solicitor that offers public funding (legal aid)? Good luck to you x