So how often do your dc see grandparents? What is 'normal'?

[Sunflower100]

PIL regularly complain that they never see my dd. They live 45 mins away and see her at least every other weekend, sometimes more. They are not interested in visiting on my days at home (I work PT) which I understand (they want to see their son). My mum lives 2 hours away so we see her less frequently but for longer periods as we usually stay the night or she stays with us.
I suppose my worry is that if every other weekend is not enough for pil and they won't come in the week do they expect to see us every weekend and then when would we see dd's other grandparents, aunties,etc and - our friends??
I jave kind of lost perspective of what is a 'normal' amount to see grandparents. Things are fairly strained with pils although I (and they I think) are really really trying to make things work but I find it really hard. MIL has often been quite critical of us, telling me I'm holding dd wrong, that dd is 'naughty' - oooo and the classic - asking me if I'd 'got my figure back' 2 days, 6 days and then 2 weeks after giving birth!!!! - but I am gritting teeth and hoping things will improve.
So how often do dcs see grandparents? Whats a roughly normal amount? or do pils just feel its never enough?? I'm new to being a mum (dd is 18m so maybe I should have got it sorted a bit better by now!!) and I think Im struggling to make the adjustment as to what it means to have created someones granddaughter, niece etc?

[purlease]

My parents live a plane journey away and they see DD about 10 times per year but this is normally for 3 days to a week stretch each time.

My MIL lives in the same country and doesn't see DD anywhere near as often. Dh wishes she took more of an interest. SIL reckons he shouldn't wish for such things as he might not like her being any more involved (SIL and MIL haven't spoken in over a year).

I'm very happy with current arrangement although wish my parents were closer.

Sounds like the weekday suggestion might keep everyone happy all round.

[Sunflower100]

Thanks for all your responses. I would love my own mum to be closer so she could be a regular part of dd's life - they adore each other but she is much further away. I try to accommodate pils as I guess dh feels like this about his own family.
Thanks for the suggestion about coming over during the week and then seeing dh at the end of the day. Great idea!
Mil is a bit mental ginger (lol)!! Lots of passive aggressive comments wrapped up as a 'joke!' - she has never said one nice thing about dd or me!!!!!

[jelliebelly]

I think your pil are being unreasonable tbh - why on earth can't they visit when you are at home during the day?

Ds sees my parents probably once every couple of weeks and they live quite close - my mum and dad both work though, so do dh and I. We see dh's parents 3/4 times a year as they live 2.5hr drive away and that is only out of duty rather than desire.

[lilacbloom]

The kids see my parents every day .. but we live four doors away. DH mam lives 1/2 mile away, ds sees her once a week, dd sees her once a month. Dh pa lives 1/2 mile a way, he sees the kids 4 times a year (Xmas, their birthdays and his birthday)

[nappyaddict]

my mum - every day unfortunately (we live with her)

my dad - every couple of months despite him living 10 mins away

ds' dad's parents - never

[stealthsquiggle]

OP's PILs are definitely mental. How much more often do they want to see her, FGS?

PILs live 1.5hrs away and see DC every 4-5 weeks for an afternoon - my parents live 10mins away and see them probably once a week but for less time (and often because they are (yet again) picking up the pieces when my childcare arrangements fall apart.

[Mamazon]

mine see my parents pretty much every day.

they don't see their paternal grandparents at all if i can help it, though he has snuck his mother in a couple of times during contact visits despite this not being allowed.

[coppertop]

Every other weekend sounds like a pretty good arrangement IMO. If your PILs want more then surely they should be making some kind of compromise rather than just demands?

My mum lives in the same town as us and visits every couple of months or so for about 30mins. It's a complicated situation though so probably not a good example to compare to.

MIL visits every few months for a couple of hours. If we lived nearer we would see her more often.

FIL has never even met any of our children (Ds1 is now 8yrs old). I've only met him once myself.

[Lazycow]

DS sees my inlaws 2-3 times a year for 2-4 days at a time. They live a plane flight away

He sees my parents (1- 1.5 hrs drive away) every 3-4 weeks for 1-2 days at a time.

None of them ever visit us (All ds's grandoparents are in their 80's and despite adoring him suffer from various ailments) so we have to visit them). I'd like to see my parents more often but if we went every weekend or even every other weekend I'd never have any time for other things at the weekend.

[MerlinsBeard]

We see PIL every week. They live on our way home from school so we pop in for tea! We see my mum every other week at her house and she occasionally sits for us for one night every other week so will see the DCs then.

My dad sees them when we are both free and he remembers - probably once every 3 months or something like that

[more]

However the one set of grandparents that do see them, see their other grandchild minimum once a week.

[more]

Our children never see one set of grandparents and the other set they see perhaps once a month on average.

[CrushWithEyeliner]

I see my folks every day LOL they live really near and have always helped me with DD so I have lots of time to myself if need be. I am v lucky. Sometimes DM can be a bit full on so I hold off for a while but I realise I can't have it both ways. I don't think there is a "normal" amount of time, some would say this is v weird to see your parents so often but it works for us.

[cmotdibbler]

We see my parents every 4-6 weeks, usually a whole day and overnight (they live 90 minutes away and can't drive that far now). DS sees PIL once a month or so when they are in this country, but they are off for 7 weeks twice a year, and then some other holidays, so often doesn't see them for a couple of months. They live 30 minutes away and are very active.

[pointydog]

There isn't a 'normal' but you have to figure out what suits you.

You say your pil see dd every other weekend. What does 'see' mean? If they pop by for a coffee and chat I'd've thought that would be fine. If the whole day revolves around their visit and meals and outings are planned around it, then that would be too much for me if I didn't particularly enjoy the visits.

If they want to see moire of your dd, they have the option of popping by on one of your days off.

[TheGirlWithGreenEyes]

I think it is reasonable to say to them that if they want to see your dd more often it has to be during the week. If they want to see your dh too could they come to you and stay on until he gets home from work - you could invite them to stay for dinner the odd time (or get them to cook!)

My dcs only see their GPs a few times a year as both sets live abroad. It would be nice for them to see their GPs more often tbh....

[lizziemun]

My dc see my mum at least once a week. But she lives around the corner and we go shopping (food) on a saturday and then we spend a few hours with her while dh has a lie in.

We see dh parents every 4 to 6 weeks but that because they are busy with their own life.

I would say every two weeks is enough as when your dc gets older you as a family are going to want to do things as a family.

[lazaroulovespastries]

hatrick, snap, my mil is dead and dh's dad is very very selfish.

My parents are great though

[zippitippitoes]

i agree there cant possibly be a normal it depends on distance and your relatyionship

i live round the corner from dgs and used to mind him everyd day thank goodness i managed to get rid of that ball and chain

now i seem him the odd evening or hour or tewo at a weekend unless i invite them for a meal or it is a special occasion or something has happened

certainly not a regular slot and i am often doign other stuff aty weekends

[popmonkey]

DDs see my parents at least once a week.
We see FIL every couple of months.

We moved back to our home town to be nearer family, then FIL moved away.

Before we moved my Parents came up weekly (about an hours drive), we saw FIL when we came down.

I used to see my Mum's parents several times a week and my Dad's parents at least once a week.

[2point4kids]

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me!
Perhaps one thing you could suggest is that if they wish to see your DD during the week on her own then they could take her to the park or something for a couple of hours and you use the time to do something you'd like to do at home?

We see my parents about once every couple of months because they live quite far away.

My in laws live about half an hour away. We see them both about every 2 weeks the same as you, but MIL see's me and the boys at least once a week during the week as we get on well and she likes to see me and the boys even when DH is not here!

[lazaroulovespastries]

Every day nearly

[MuffinMclay]

I don't think there is a 'normal'.

We see my parents about 4 times a year. They live 3.5 hours away (or 7+ if they're driving). They stay for 2/3 nights at a time. That is more than enough. My mother and I have a difficult relationship to say the least.

We see MIL about once a month. She also lives 3.5 hours away, but is much more dynamic and will pop down for the day or just overnight. She comes to see dh and I, rather than the dcs though; she finds babies rather dull.