Issymum and the tall German ........

[Issymum]

I should really change my name for this, but I can't be bothered and I think it will make more sense if you know it's me!

My company is looking at buying a small business in a university town in Southern Germany ("Kutesberg"). I appointed some German lawyers and corresponded with the partner ("Heinrich von Bratwurst") over dull legal stuff. We had to go to a meeting in Kutesberg on Friday so von Bratwurst and I arranged to meet up for dinner on Thursday to discuss the legal issues. As I was waiting in the hotel bar for the inevitable greying, 50-something, short and portly Bavarian, an immensely tall and rather attractive man of my age with impeccable English introduced himself - von Bratwurst. We drove to a hill-top restaurant and talked, laughed, disclosed and drank too much red wine. I have had countless client dinners with lawyers; it has never felt like a date before. And it may well be that I misread the signals, but when he explained half-way through the meal that he was divorced, it seemed like an invitation. And for the first time since I was married over 10 years ago, I was tempted - very tempted. Kuteburg is like a filmset, Von Bratwurst was lovely and everything was slightly slow motion, unreal and flattering.

But I didn't. I worked DH's disability into the conversation and, as I expected, that changed the atmosphere - it's hard to cuckold the guy in the wheelchair. We left the restaurant at midnight, spent Friday in a meeting and parted with a grave handshake and, from Von Bratwurst, 'Give my regards to your husband'.

So this is the question for anybody out there in what they consider to be a happy marriage, has this ever happened to you? What did you do? Did you regret not following through or were you relieved knowing that ultimately it would end badly. And what does it say about my marriage? I think it says that we love each other but by failing to do the fun, glamorous and intimate stuff, we've left a wide gap in our marital defences that was nearly breached that night. Or is it more serious than that?

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[marthamoo]

I think it sounds perfect. You were flirted with and flirted back, you had your attractiveness to the opposite sex confirmed (us old married Mums can easily forget we are women too!), you had a lovely evening in the company of an attractive man - but when it came to the crunch, you stopped at flirting. That tells me how much you love your dh and treasure your marriage. It doesn't mean you have ceased to exist as a person outside your marriage. And from your follow up post it is evident that your flirtatious evening resulted in a night of passion with the person you really wanted a night of passion with!

You sounds like a lovely person, Issymum, as does your dh. And your marriage sounds rock steady.

[motherinferior]

There is nothing wrong with small furry orange things, says this five foot tall red-head.

A red-head whose partner has - get this - managed to leave his keys at home. So I'm up, and doodling around on the Internet, waiting to nip down and open the door to the father of my children because he's too hopeless to cope with basic domestic admin. Where's the romance in my life, dammit?

[Cod]

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[Issymum]

Twiglett!

Thanks MI. As foxy as a small orange 1970's furry thing with a hand stuck up its bum? Hooray!

[motherinferior]

You are as foxy as Basil Brush, I think
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[Twiglett]

.. oops

I blame lack of sleep and snot-gobbling children

I really really thought that was his name (missed the quotation marks)

.. sorry

[Issymum]

Sigh. Twiglett, he wasn't really called "von Bratwurst"!

But I don't care, because I'm a "fox". Not a very foxy fox as this was the first time in 10 years but still a fox.

Thank you everyone for taking what I felt was a rather disturbing episode and showing me that actually it was a Valentine's Day story.

Time for bed and a cuddle with DH (though he did warn me that there'd be "none of that funny stuff"!).

[Cod]

Message withdrawn

[Twiglett]

lowering it even further

von bratworst??

[Twiglett]

(I think you acted impeccably BTW)

[Twiglett]

Hang on .. isn't a bratwurst a long thick sausage

[serenequeen]

issymum, agree with everyone else, you did nothing wrong.

agree with that article in the times re working parents having nothing left over for their marriage - sigh

how wonderful to have someone fancy you like that!

[maturer]

Thanks KS- over the last year or so I've really had to think about my owen views on marriage etc. and I've learned life is not always black and white!Today (valentines day) is an emotional one for me but I'm so happy to be sharing it with my dh in the marriage I'm in. I suspect from your earlier post you have more on your mind on the subject. It does help to talk about it.

[Cod]

Message withdrawn

[maturer]

Issymum,
You should not feel in the least ashamed or worried by what happened and what you did. You had "the moment" (have you seen "Closer" they talk about the moment when you are faced with that choice - you know you can make something happen or you chose to step back)You were srong and now have a moment to remember with pleasure. My dh unfortunately went the wrong way about a year ago when faced with his "moment"- he had an affair.It nearly destroyed our marriage and are family- but it didn't and now we are closer and stronger having learned so much about ourselves and each other. One thing we learned is that we are all human, capable of making the wrong choices and then have to fight long and hard to get back from that point. My dh cannot think of his"moment" without it causing pain, so take heart enjoy your moment and think about it with pleasure and pride, then enjoy your dh and your marriage.Take care

[anorak]

Anyway, how could you have an affair with a man named after a sausage?

[nasa]

do feel free to post Von Brat's contact details though - he sounds yum

agree with snafu BTW

[snafu]

Issymum, haven't read the whole thread, everyone's probably said this already, but fwiw I think you should be hugely reassured and even cheered by this.

We cannot go through life with blinkers on. There is nothing wrong whatsoever with finding other people attractive from the safety of a committed relationship, and there is nothing wrong with a bit of temptation. But you (both) behaved impeccably, imo, and this appears to be one of those lovely situations where a flirtatious encounter actually does the marriage a little bit of good.

I think you sound lovely, your dh sounds lovely, von Bratwurst sounds charming, and you should feel nothing but a warm glow inside about the whole thing.

[motherinferior]

You fox you
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[Prufrock]

Issymum I think von Bratwust was very very good for you and your marriage. An occasional reminder to both yourself and your dh that you are not just a highly succesful lawyer, devoted wife and wonderful mother, but also a bit of a fox is a very good thing.

[beachyhead]

what a lovely ending....

england....1 germany.....nil