Considering living with in-laws - financial sense or emotional nightmare?

[lazyhen]

I'd be really interested to hear your points of view on this (and anyone who has done it).

DH and I have been married for a year, got pregnant on honeymoon so now have a 5 month old DD. She's fabulous - My DH works shifts, and I have returned to work part time.

I've done my first month and it's a bit depressing how much I get paid after nursery fees. We should be able to claim tax credits which will help but we stumbled across the idea of living with DH's parents to ease the burden.

They're 'young' sixties with DH's younger sister and boyfriend living there. They have a MASSIVE house (and swimming pool). They love DD (and our dog) and I think they kinda like us too . I know they'd have us living there as they've said yes when we've considered it before, but what else is there to consider?

It's all for financial reasons that would allow us to sell our house, use equity to pay off loans, then save like mad to afford a mortgage and a bigger house in the long run. It feels like DD would really benefit from the environment in the short term and then the financial rewards for us in the long term.

Sorry this is a bit long but my thoughts keep drifting back to the idea and I'd be really interested to hear other people's points of view.

[MrsTittleMouse]

Thank goodness you found all of this out now! I can understand that they don't want you to move, but it really is none of their business. I'm also astonished that they would be controlling enough to choose your house. We have had "help" from family members (when older relatives have died ), but that was money freely given. I suppose that they know that we're sensible enough not to blow it all on a world cruise, but apart from that, it's up to us.

[Twinkie1]

I managed 8 weeks inbetween a housemove - they are lovely people but not having your own kitchen when you are a woman is horrid!

(Or maybe I am odd, but I hated it!)

[thelittlestbadger]

Okay, we're about to move in with my parents due to DH's job relocation. I have a very good relationship with my mum and have been agreeing some ground rules.

1. We each have our own sittingroom and bedroom and no automatic admittance - i.e. wait for an invite. Thankfully they have enough room to do this.
   
   
2. Pay our share. If we want our own space we are going to have to pay towards the mortgage and running costs. Haven't quite worked out food yet though but will probably manage seperately for a bit and DH and I will eat together when he gets in at 7 rather than when mum gets in at 5.
   
   
3. If there are things which really matter to you with your DCs spell them out. DD goes to bed at 7.30, mum thinks she should stay up until falling asleep on the sofa. My DD, my rules.
   
   Not an automatic no no though and probably helpful if you have your DH's sister there too. Do talk everything over first including how you would deal with arguments, what happens if you want to move out and they don't want you to etc

[thelittlestbadger]

Sorry. Teach me to finish reading the thread before posting! Good luck in Canada

[sophiewd]

Just done 2 weeks with my parents, big house, swimming pool, etc and couldn't move back to ours fast enough, be prepared for 'helpful' comments about child rearing which my mother did.

[lazyhen]

Thanks everyone. I agree it's better to find out now. Am now more annoyed the more I think about it.

I'm upset that if this house sale does go-ahead we now don't have anywhere to go. I think we'll look to rent (IF it does sell) but it's so depressing thinking about doing all that again.

[Elf]

Did you know, as I discovered just from reading MN that it takes 4-5 years to get into Canada? Awful.

Anyway, sorry to hear your ILs are being pains. Good luck.

[expatinscotland]

NO WAY. EVER.

[OurHamsterisevil]

So sorry for you Lazyhen. Like others say you are lucky it happened beofre you moved in. Hope you get to go to Canada. Good luck

[lazyhen]

Yeah the Canada thing would potentially take a while depending on how we go about it. I can't even think about that yet. Just going to sell up, rent a bigger property to call home for a while and re-assess our options in our own sweet time without 'selling out'.

I am glad we don't NEED their help otherwise I'd be fast losing alot of self respect!