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Tell me why I shouldn't walk out now. Please.

46 replies

OrmIrian · 18/06/2008 17:20

DH and I are going through a very sticky patch. Have been for about a year. We keep trying to get things back on track but life/events/DCs seem to get in the way. It's easier if he isn't around - I prefer it if he goes out. He constantly snaps at me and the DCs. He's become a real authoritarian, rarely has anything positive to say - particularly to my eldest DS. Camping at the weekend was hellish for a variety of reasons but mainly because he was in a such a foul mood - everytime anyone asked him to do anything he rolled his eyes and snapped at them, or did it very reluctantly. The only person he's nice too is our youngest, or sometimes me if we are alone together.

I've had a really stressful time at work recently and DD and I have had a strained few months which has made me really unhappy. His attitude is always 'ffs get a grip and don't be so stupid' which isn't helpful. Isn't he supposed to offer sympathy and support?

I've lost a lot of weight recently and been getting fitter. I've bought new clothes and basically been trying to counteract my feeling of being middle-aged and unattractive. His response to that is to ask me if I'm having an affair . The first few times I took it as a joke but he keeps saying it.

I now feel as if the only connection between us is the DCs and nothing else. He's given up smoking which I know is hard and maybe he's a bit depressed (we've both been there before) but he won't talk to me about anything emotional - just shuts down and dismisses anything I say. I've reached the point where I don't want to mention anything about how I feel to him. It's not worth it.

I rang him just now to ask when he was coming home as I need to go shopping because our online delivery didn't arrive. He shouted at me along the lines of 'so you're going to leave me with the DCs the moment I walk in the door?' (probably to do with wanting to sit and watch the football without being disturbed). Right now I'm sitting here dreading his coming home. Because apart from the fact he'll be miserable I will have to face again the increasingly undeniable fact that I simply don't love him anymore. We've been together for 20+ years and we've seen each other through so many crises. I just feel as if I've been worn down. This isn't right is it? If I could press a button and be a year down the line, living apart and all the chaos sorted out I'd do it.

If you have been, thanks for reading. Feels better just saying it all.

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Sparkletastic · 18/06/2008 17:25

If you told him what you were thinking how would he react? If he thought he might really lose you would he try to change / seek help / go to Relate with you? If yes to any of those then sit him down later, when it is just you two, and lay it on the line. If he walks away write him a letter. Sounds like your 20 years haven't been all bad by any means and there might be something worth saving maybe....