I need some advice! I've been with my husband for 27 years married for 21 years!! He was my first boyfriend, and my first and only sexual partner (I was 19 and very shy!) In the early days it was good, we got on, we laughed alot but from day 1 he was always very controlling and jealous. Not long after being with him I stopped going out with my friends drinking, dancing, all the things you should be doing at that age! We hung around with his friends and smoked weed! Then he didn't like hanging with them anymore so we stopped and it was just him and me for years! The controlling and jealousy continued. I was always the missing person from works do's or Christmas parties. If I did put my foot down and go out I would have to constantly check in with him to tell him where I was and what time I'd be coming home! I was always the first to leave! Never allowed to go to a club! It was embarrassing! People stopped inviting me to things because I'd always make an excuse to not go! Then we had our first child when I was 33 after a couple of years of losses and heart break for me. He never seemed very bothered about our miscarriages. Life was exhausting, he did nothing to help, still doesn't! Fast forward to now, our kids are 8 and 13. He convinced me to give up work several years ago when the kids were small and I've been isolated ever since! I have no friends, 1 family member the kids have never slept anywhere but at home with me putting them to bed. The last few years his behaviour has been horrible along with the controlling came the belittling, gas lighting, anger, moodiness! I'd shut myself off emotionally and began to feel nothing anymore, I was just existing just to get through each day. It came to a head few weeks back I was gaining the strength to end it, he could tell I was very cold towards him. I posted on here at the time because he had a melt down saying he would kill himself without me. He didn't ask why I was cold towards him it was all about his feelings. I said it's not ok to want to end your life and you must get help. The next day I was greeted with a completely different person! Like he's never been this nice! He saw the gp got put on medication and it's been several weeks now and he's still keeping it up with the new him but the problem is I just don't feel the same! We're getting on well, laughing and joking, the kids are so much happier with their new version of their dad but I just can't seem to forgive him for the past even though I pretend to. I'm angry at him that it's taken this many years and when I'd finally starting to build myself up he does this! I'm angry that if I decide to leave that makes me the bad person! I know this makes me sound like an awful person! But also what if this is the real him and all those years it was because he was suffering with depression or anxiety, I should be able to forgive that right? I don't want to break his heart or the kids. I'm so torn. Do I just suck it up and carry on like I have done all these years and hope this is a change for good?
I think deep down I know I won't leave! I'm a pushover, a sucker for a nice person, that's what got me here in the first place.
Anyone got similar experiences?
I'm sorry it's such a long post! If you made it this far you deserve a medal lol
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should I end my marriage
juustme46 · 17/04/2024 18:35
DrJoanAllenby · 17/04/2024 18:59
Sadly he left it too late and you've rightfully pulled the drawbridge up.
I'm quite suspicious that he saw a GP and the medication has kicked in immediately and he's all sweetness and light
I believe he is a cunning bastard and it's just another pretence to reel you in.
Secondstart1001 · 17/04/2024 19:37
@juustme46 I remember your original post… have you taken any steps to get your daughter back to school so you can not be forced to stay home? Have you started making changes to be a bit more independent.
you are processing a lot of your past here and I think your mind is made up to end it .. think you Just need a hand hold and a plan of action?
Secondstart1001 · 18/04/2024 06:27
Morning @juustme46 … think he is using your daughter to control you and also he’s making her world and yours very small. It’s very sad the circumstances of with your DD is at home and we never want our kids to go to school if bulling /anxiety happens. Just a thought but why don’t you get her to join a club so she sees children her own age and starts to feel safe in outside world? You’ll also be getting out the house too!
see if you can start some online courses in the meantime - keep working towards getting away from this man x
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