How to divide household finances when moving in with new partner?

[AIBunnecessary]

Looking to move in with my partner and need to have a sit down and talk about finances but it's a bit complicated and not sure how to work this out fairly!

I earn £3500pm and my partner earns £2800 post tax.

Both have 3 children each. He pays child maintenance of £750pm, I receive no child maintenance for my children.

Would you pool all money together and split what is leftover? Do a percentage split based on income and if so would this be before or after child maintenance? Or 50/50?

We will both have the household bills plus food and days out etc equal. However both have individual costs too - me a car and a few hundred on a credit card and him a small credit card also plus petrol.

As you don't have joint children, and not married, it would be unnecessary and unwise to totally pool all money.
Setting up a joint account is easiest then transfer an amount each for all bills. What that amount should be from each is the tricky part. Start with easy bit of half of council tax and utilities each. The tricky bit is the house, if he owns it in his name and there is a mortgage on it, half the mortgage payment is a start. But then there's things to consider, such as he potentially benefits from equity increasing, whereas you won't if you were to split in future, so he gets a good deal on that. Depending on the cost of the mortgage vs how much you are paying monthly for where you live now, it might still mean you gain monthly by the arrangement.
So maybe half of every bill, but not more because you earn more, as you need to be saving any spare you have for your future housing needs for security given that its his house - if it all works fine, buy a joint house in the future with it. His house is his nestegg, you need yours.
Who pays what for food is possibly tricky, depends on how much each of you have your 3 at home (and if teenage boys are a factor - food monsters).
Pool if you get married, otherwise a joint account.

I think there are few more questions that need to be asked - what ages are the kids and how many days are each at the "joint" house? I assume if he is paying maintenance then his kids aren't there as much? More kids mean more running costs in terms of water, food etc. Ages of kids makes a difference too students/apprenticeships are different to toddlers.
You also didn't mention capital amounts, are you buying or selling together or are you leaving a house to rent yours out, or are you renting together or moving into a house he owns? Will your name be on rental or mortgage deeds? Is it your intention to pay rent or pay off capital on his home in which case that is a more detailed conversation. If you are moving into a home he owns and you have no claim on it, you are just paying him rent, the arrangement would leave you high and dry if he didn't want you and your kids there anymore. I'm sure he's not that type of guy but having been on here for a while, you see it happening.

I wouldn’t pool, It sounds like you should contribute slightly more to household costs, if your kids are there all the time? And if it’s a committed relationship I’d expect the money split to be adjusted for relative earnings.

My kids are here full time and do every other weekend with their dad and his children come every other weekend.

We will be moving into a new rented house as it will need an extra room so no one will be benefitting with equity etc and we will both be on the contract. We both currently rent and it makes sense to move together instead of paying overheads for 2 houses as inevitably we all end up at one house anyway. So hopefully it should be saving us both a bit of money too. For reference we haven't found a house yet so it's not for a while but I just want to check we would be on the same page financially etc before committing to it as I don't want it to create resentment etc and want it to be fair. I just wanted to get others opinions and experience of a situation like this!

Kids are 8- 16 all in full time education.

Our kids are about the same age with gaps between siblings etc so equal in that respect I would say but obviously my children are here more. But also I get no help from their dad financially so I pay for literally everything where as he contributes a decent amount to his kids mum as well as other bits and bobs which enables them a very nice lifestyle. Although I get that is not the childrens fault and it's down to my ex being useless that my kids don't get the nice holidays etc his do because there are two parents parenting there.

Is also be making sure that he's not putting more into pension before wages than you are, if you're going to split based on wages.

It’s a bit complicated, but I do think you should be paying more towards the household overall as you earn more and all three children live with you, but its up to you to work out how much is a fair split between you. But essentially you are bringing home £3500 and he is bringing home £2050 after paying his child maintenance obligation.

you both need to pay half of rent, council tax, basic bills etc, but maybe you pay more towards the utilities, food shopping or holidays etc, as technically there are 4 of you to 1 of him most the time.

i wouldn’t personally pool finances as if split fairly there’s no need unless to unless your circumstances change.

If you haven’t already i think you need to have a talk about what happens when the children start to leave full time education, will they stay and contribute to the household? What if any of his kids want to move in? It’s worth a conversation on all the probabilities, before committing to move in together to make sure you’re on the same page.

As a starting point work out the actual costs of everything. As your children live full time with you but he has child maintenance to pay and has a lower salary I think it's fair you pay more.

So household bills altogether will be about £2500. That's rent, council tax, electric and gas, water and internet, Netflix. Probably another £600 pm on food.

Individually he pays a credit card, car tax and insurance, petrol and the maintenance, days out twice a month with the kids and savings for Xmas and kids bdays.

Individually I pay car lease (which is finished soon), car tax, insurance, petrol, credit card and days out with the kids, Xmas and bday savings.

So both similar things but then I also have the cost of my children which I pay alone so haircuts, after school clubs, after school activities, clothes, some medication costs for my son, more days out because I have them all the time including all of the holiday holidays, which is I guess what his maintenance covers for his ex to sort their children out which is why I'm thinking that shouldn't be taken out first.

Just out of interest, how do you plan to allocate bedrooms? 6 children aged 8-16 is a lot of children and potentially bedrooms!

If his kids wanted to move in of course they would be welcome, I can't see it happening but the new house will have more rooms to account for his kids being there weekends so they have their own space.

In regards to adults children living at home and working I think we are both on the same page we would charge rent but this would be put aside to help with deposits etc.

I am not sure in regards to my children one is intending a 7 year uni course so it would depend if they lived away and the other will be doing an apprenticeship however once passed would be travelling so would probably use our house for a base while they became established. Not sure on youngest yet.

His two eldest again are both thinking apprenticeship however pretty sure they would stay with mum as we are 30 mins away from their family and friends where we are and where they intend to study but would happily have them here if they wanted to as they are lovely easygoing kids. Again youngest not a clue yet like mine.

Two eldest of each set are boys who will have own rooms and two sets of girls will share the same as they do currently at both parents houses. There will also be a den of some sorts be that's a spare room/lounge or cabin put into the garden for if they have friends round.

What do your overall bills come to, including food and petrol?

I don't think earnings come into it.
Yes you earn more but you get no child support.
You need a fair ratio

I worked it out by classing DS as 0.5 a person cos he's here half the time but eats loads!
I added up the bills and food, divided by 5.
I pay 3/5 and he pays 2/5

Realise yours is more complicated but you could work out no of beds occupied over a 2 week basis

So you're 14, he's 14, your kids are 12 each, his are 2 each
14+14+(3x12)+(3x2) = 70
You pay 50/70
He pays 20/70

So if the bills are 2500, you pay 1785, he pays 715

That would leave them both with the same spending money. Is that fair on the OP?

So it would be roughly £2500 plus £600 food my petrol is £100 and his £200 so £3400 in total.

I don't mind having the same spending money but then I've also got to take into account all the kids expenses where as if his is calculated after his child maintenance is deducted then he will have no other expenses of that makes sense?

He is saying to pool all money, whatever the kids need we will buy and what's left we can split or use for holidays etc but I like the idea of having separate money as I hate the idea of checking in asking if I can spend money on stuff.

I think the way you've split it here is good, but only for the things that are usage based like food, I don't see why OP should be significantly out of pocket on things that would cost the same whether 2 people lived there or 5. So things like council tax, rent should be shared 50/50, utilities could be looked at but I'd be inclined to look at all bills as a whole.

I think you need to work out what you spend on your children with regards to necessities OP, as that should be deducted from your earning first (as his child maintenance is) to make it fairer:

So his is as follows
2800 wages after tax
750 child maintenance outgoings
2050 monthly base line

Yours is as follows:
3500 after tax
£400? child necessities/clubs/uniform/spending money (not to include food*)
3100 monthly base line

Total bills £2500

If you both pay 50% of your wages to the joint account, that would cover your monthly outgoings (him £1025, you £1550) with a little left over £2575, you would obviously be paying more but you and your children make up the majority of the household so seems fair, but you both get to keep half of your take home pay.

*I think basic food shopping, cleaning and household items should be split per person as the above poster suggested, but high ticket or luxury items should be bought separately by whoever wants them.

I wouldn't pool money personally, and especially not if you're not married, but me and DH do overpay into our joint account equally and always have around £1000 'float' so if we want to buy something for the house, or for our DD or book a holiday we can have a quick conversation about it, and either of us can just go and do it. That way you're not asking for 'permission' and you're not having to ask for half the money as it's already there, it's virtually the same as pooling money, you can decide between you how much to 'float' in the account.

Thanks....on reflection you are right. The variables should be pro rate based on people but the utilities, rent, council tax not so much.
This is helpful to me too as I'm in a similar situation