I'm struggling to move past the hurt

[ThisLoftyLilacShark]

My relationship ended ages ago, it wasn't a sudden breakup. I was the one dumped, even though I wanted the breakup some time before it happened. Although I don't feel like I have the right to feel the way I do, because it wasn't a long term relationship. During the relationship I was bullied, degraded and neglected. I felt really unheard, and they seemed incapable of having a conversation. There wasn't anything particularly special about the relationship. I haven't even began to feel 'over' the hurt they caused me, I feel as strongly as I did when it occurred. I know the relationship is over. I know the importance of forgiving and letting go, and I know it is damaging me to hold on. I have vented to friends, journaled endlessly about all of the ways they were awful, and everything that was rubbish about the relationship. When I think about them I feel disgusted, and wonder what I ever saw in them. I have put myself on the outside looking in and imagined what I would say to a friend going through the same thing, and what I would want them to do. I have set up habits of self care, and I have found new hobbies. But my mind still wanders. I am very easily reminded of things that happened, and triggered as I still feel really intensely about it all. You would think I had no friends or nothing to do, I still ruminate about it everyday, and it's exhausting. It's even worse that they're not sorry, think I deserved it and couldn't care less about my wellbeing. What does it mean to 'be over' someone and how do I begin to get to that point?

[trythisforsize]

When you are 'over' someone you begin to see them for what they were, not what you felt about them previously. You realise you are better off without them and you use your experiences and new knowledge wisely to make healthier choices and boundaries. You don't beat yourself up about it.

Just start by thanking your lucky stars that you are rid of this one - however it came about. You are better off.

He sounds nasty and abusive.

You'll get there, one foot in front of the other. Just keep edging forwards and creating distance between you and the bad relationship. It's over, you are free.