I'm mid 40s and have been single, and not looking, for around 15 years. I've been happy with my single status. The reason for this is that leading up to my early 30s I was involved in a long line of abusive and toxic relationships.
I have also been seriously sexually assaulted more than once. But I don't want to talk about that now.
My traumatic relationships are without a doubt due to my childhood..... I grew up seeing domestic violence from dad to mum, dad threatening me and my siblings with weapons, dad using weapons to beat my older brother, mum being completely emotionally unavailable, mum going out of her way to be cruel to me and destroy my self esteem, and also destroy any realistic chance of me making something of myself.
I developed quite severe mental health problems. I ended up in therapy and support from nhs secondary mental health. I hit rock bottom.
One day, a couple of years ago, while recovering and receiving support, I was shopping in a very well known home superstore. A male shop assistant asked if he could help me. He helped me find what I was looking for....which was a cycling accessory.
Me and him got talking about cycling and other hobbies....outdoors stuff, walking, hiking etc
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Relationships
Would it be wrong to contact this man and ask for a date?
WellThatEsculatedQuickly · 28/03/2024 22:17
Humanswarm · 28/03/2024 22:46
Did you press send too soon? As I'm not sure what would be wrong? A sales assistant helped you chose cycling accessories a couple of years ago and you'd like to ask them out now? Do you know anything more about this person? Have you kept in touch? Do you feel he was being anything more than professional?
Watchkeys · 29/03/2024 08:01
What's crazy about ' Had a nice chat with a guy in a shop a while ago, might go back and ask him out' @Mawface ?
Watchkeys · 29/03/2024 08:53
@AgnesX
Perhaps you are envisaging op marching into the shop and saying 'Date me!'
I more had the image that she might go back to see if he's there, have a chat about bikes, ask him if he'd fancy meeting for coffee to chat more.
How long ago she spotted him first is a total irrelevance. People say 'Fancy meeting for coffee?' on the first meeting, and he has no idea when she first felt she fancied him.
CatCatCatCatCatCat · 29/03/2024 10:14
Yes it would be weird and asking someone out whilst they are working is inappropriate and it was 2 years ago!!
Watchkeys · 29/03/2024 10:35
What was 2 years ago? I know that's when OP first saw him, but what difference does it make to the interaction now, if it happens?
Being asked out whilst working is something that happens sometimes when you work in a public facing role. You might not like the idea, and you might find it inappropriate, but your word isn't agreed with by many many people. OP doesn't have to be professional with him; she's not working. She needs to stay within the law, which asking him out politely would be. If she's comfortable with it, then he will need to decide if he's comfortable with it, and those are the opinions that matter. Not yours, not mine.
given her track record so far, maybe take it a bit slower
Slower than waiting 2 years to ask him if he'd like to meet for coffee sometime? What do you suggest? 4 years? That might be too long, mightn't it?
CatCatCatCatCatCat · 29/03/2024 10:14
Yes it would be weird and asking someone out whilst they are working is inappropriate and it was 2 years ago!!
Watchkeys · 29/03/2024 11:14
@CatCatCatCatCatCat
Still thinking about that interaction 2 years later is odd
According to what? How long is someone allowed to think about someone for? According to your authority?
CatCatCatCatCatCat · 29/03/2024 11:16
The poster is literally asking for peoples opinions have you missed that? 🙄
Watchkeys · 29/03/2024 11:14
@CatCatCatCatCatCat
Still thinking about that interaction 2 years later is odd
According to what? How long is someone allowed to think about someone for? According to your authority?
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Opentooffers · 29/03/2024 22:52
It's a bit weird that you've remembered him 2 years on, and you've read a man just doing his job as an in to other possibilities. Have you been going into the shop since? How would you get his contact details without you scaring him for being stalkers?
WellThatEsculatedQuickly · 28/03/2024 22:17
I'm mid 40s and have been single, and not looking, for around 15 years. I've been happy with my single status. The reason for this is that leading up to my early 30s I was involved in a long line of abusive and toxic relationships.
I have also been seriously sexually assaulted more than once. But I don't want to talk about that now.
My traumatic relationships are without a doubt due to my childhood..... I grew up seeing domestic violence from dad to mum, dad threatening me and my siblings with weapons, dad using weapons to beat my older brother, mum being completely emotionally unavailable, mum going out of her way to be cruel to me and destroy my self esteem, and also destroy any realistic chance of me making something of myself.
I developed quite severe mental health problems. I ended up in therapy and support from nhs secondary mental health. I hit rock bottom.
One day, a couple of years ago, while recovering and receiving support, I was shopping in a very well known home superstore. A male shop assistant asked if he could help me. He helped me find what I was looking for....which was a cycling accessory.
Me and him got talking about cycling and other hobbies....outdoors stuff, walking, hiking etc
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