I don't know what to do! Ive been with my dh for many years, he's always been controlling and jealous and selfish but I loved him or so I thought. His behaviour has got worse over the last few years. He works completely from home since covid, he convinced me to give up my job about a year ago and that's when it really started to change! I have no friends not much family so its just us and our children. He basically treats me like a servant, like I do everything! I know he works so that's fair but he doesn't lift a finger! Sometimes he can be lovely but most of the time he's rude, he's overly critical, he says mean things to me in front of our children and when I try to tell him how it makes me feel he denies saying anything or says he was joking! I can't talk to him because he never takes accountability he just thinks I'm criticising. He has an anger problem so he just says I'm pushing his buttons and I should know not to do that!
Make me feel crazy! He's always telling the children that he is the breadwinner so we should all be grateful to him! Lately I've felt myself becoming very cold towards him, I think I want to leave but I am not strong enough! Last night we got into an argument and he went to bed. Then I hear this awful wailing noise. I rush upstairs to find him crying and wailing saying that he loves me so much and me and the kids are everything to him, there's no point in living if he doesn't have us and he's thought about ending his life a few times at the thought of life without me. He asked me if I loved him, I said yes because I felt so bad! I told him that if he has really had those thoughts he needs professional help because that's not healthy for either of us, he said he would. Then today he was absolutely fine, he got some time off work and texted all his colleagues to tell them he'd had a breakdown and phoned his parents and told them. He's got everyone feeling sorry for him but I can't help but think I've just fallen for the biggest manipulation trick you can pull?? Surely if you want to end your life one day are you really going to be fine the next day? If you were going to end your life would you tell people? I'm so confused. Does anyone have any experience of dh threatening to end their life if you leave?
I'm sorry for such a long post
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Relationships
I don't love him anymore
juustme46 · 13/03/2024 00:12
Guavafish1 · 13/03/2024 01:06
Consider couples counselling and get a job to gain independence. Stop doing everything for him.
If the situation doesn't change I suggest you ask him to leave.
auntyElle · 13/03/2024 01:10
Couples counselling is absolutely not recommended where there is abuse like this. It can give the abuser more material to use against the abused. And would be entirely inappropriate.
Guavafish1 · 13/03/2024 01:06
Consider couples counselling and get a job to gain independence. Stop doing everything for him.
If the situation doesn't change I suggest you ask him to leave.
juustme46 · 13/03/2024 00:12
I don't know what to do! Ive been with my dh for many years, he's always been controlling and jealous and selfish but I loved him or so I thought. His behaviour has got worse over the last few years. He works completely from home since covid, he convinced me to give up my job about a year ago and that's when it really started to change! I have no friends not much family so its just us and our children. He basically treats me like a servant, like I do everything! I know he works so that's fair but he doesn't lift a finger! Sometimes he can be lovely but most of the time he's rude, he's overly critical, he says mean things to me in front of our children and when I try to tell him how it makes me feel he denies saying anything or says he was joking! I can't talk to him because he never takes accountability he just thinks I'm criticising. He has an anger problem so he just says I'm pushing his buttons and I should know not to do that!
Make me feel crazy! He's always telling the children that he is the breadwinner so we should all be grateful to him! Lately I've felt myself becoming very cold towards him, I think I want to leave but I am not strong enough! Last night we got into an argument and he went to bed. Then I hear this awful wailing noise. I rush upstairs to find him crying and wailing saying that he loves me so much and me and the kids are everything to him, there's no point in living if he doesn't have us and he's thought about ending his life a few times at the thought of life without me. He asked me if I loved him, I said yes because I felt so bad! I told him that if he has really had those thoughts he needs professional help because that's not healthy for either of us, he said he would. Then today he was absolutely fine, he got some time off work and texted all his colleagues to tell them he'd had a breakdown and phoned his parents and told them. He's got everyone feeling sorry for him but I can't help but think I've just fallen for the biggest manipulation trick you can pull?? Surely if you want to end your life one day are you really going to be fine the next day? If you were going to end your life would you tell people? I'm so confused. Does anyone have any experience of dh threatening to end their life if you leave?
I'm sorry for such a long post
Guavafish1 · 13/03/2024 01:06
Consider couples counselling and get a job to gain independence. Stop doing everything for him.
If the situation doesn't change I suggest you ask him to leave.
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