Married or not? What do you think of this ?

[atoughone]

Chatting to a man for the week. We will meet early next week.
I am trying not to be distrustful or cynical but I'd like your opinions on whether you think he is married or not , please.

He said..

He's separated three years.
His children are still distraught , never saw it coming as they didn't argue.
Children are mid teens.
Kids with him eow and a few nights per week.

He has a really good job .
A beautiful car and his own home.
A lovely one in a great area.
All of the above is true.

He wants what I want ..
A casual but exclusive relationship, due to lack of time.
He wants it to be discreet as his kids are still devastated.
Doesn't want to rub his wife's nose in it and respects her.
He said his wife and he grew apart and were more like housemates.

We've spoken on the phone and text consistently throughout the day but when his kids have been with him, he is much slower to respond or initiate.
We will meet in a very public place next week in a locality close to his home.

I have told him that I also want discreet but not a secret , in that I don't want my kids finding out as they too are devastated about my own marriage break up.and they're too delicate right now.
He agreed with this.

What are your thoughts here?
My own ex cheated on me a few years ago so while I've done the work , I may be too cynical.

[BeepyBoo]

If you happen to read this, I just want to say that the reason he responded the way he did and then left, is because he realised you are too savvy, intelligent, open, honest, etc, and he could not pull the wool over your eyes.
It’s likely he has a few women, who he keeps hanging on around him, serving his needs when he calls on them. They are in awe of his money and l bits of lifestyle he gives. It strokes his ego. He needs those women to be needy, gullible, not ask too many confronting questions or ever challenge him. What you asked him was reasonable, if a little direct. It did not warrant his reaction.

He was pissed off he could not add you to his harem. He is probably slightly narcissistic and self-obsessed. He wanted you to feel like it was your fault that nothing happened between you, and leave you feeling shitty as punishment. You bruised his ego, because he couldn’t get what he wanted….which is you playing the role he wanted.

Well shot of him.

[bluebell34567]

@Crikeyalmighty

There are some real arseholes out there my friend tells me but many are extremely convincing. You have to feel sorry for the poor women married /partnered up with these chancing tossers!

exactly.

[Crikeyalmighty]

There are some real arseholes out there my friend tells me but many are extremely convincing. You have to feel sorry for the poor women married /partnered up with these chancing tossers!

[bluebell34567]

he seems weird op. well rid.

[atoughone]

No sign 🪧 f a wife or kids on that site. Literally related to the hobby .
Not a single sign of him on social media other than those photos .
He really covered his tracks but his ego was too big not be boasting about his achievements which is how I found him, thanks to another poster for suggesting same .

[Cheesehamandoniontoastie]

@atoughone

He had the worst teeth I have ever seen , not because they were crooked or discoloured but they were all different lengths

Was he married, OP?

[TeaandLemonDrizzle]

Lucky escape and good that you trusted your instincts! Which site was he on as I think we all need to be careful with guys like this.

[JimnJoyce]

@atoughone I had that once he didnt smile in any of his pics. I got to our date and he had no front teeth. And was living in some sort of alcohol rehab place.

[atoughone]

He had the worst teeth I have ever seen , not because they were crooked or discoloured but they were all different lengths

[Sandra1984]

@atoughone

I did ...
He gave me a completely different name.
I found him through this hobby that he competes in and is successful .
I found him through photos on Facebook on the clubs site.
And boy.... Am I glad I let it go.
I did wonder why he didn't open his mouth and smile in his photos and now I know 😳
Lucky escape for lots of reasons.

Is he missing half of his teeth? Was he married? is he gay? Has ties to Bin Laden? Please don't leave us hanging 😂😅😂

[atoughone]

I did ...
He gave me a completely different name.
I found him through this hobby that he competes in and is successful .
I found him through photos on Facebook on the clubs site.
And boy.... Am I glad I let it go.
I did wonder why he didn't open his mouth and smile in his photos and now I know 😳
Lucky escape for lots of reasons.

[bluebell34567]

did you find anything op?

[MrJollyLivesNextDoor]

@atoughone

I'm
Obsessed with finding the truth having been catfished. Is that so bad ?

What's the point though?

Seems like a waste of energy to me

[Cheesehamandoniontoastie]

@Sandra1984

Guys who engage in these type of shenanigans have their tracks very well covered and are quite pros at what they do. I’ve met a couple of them (who were text book narcissists) and they are very off the grid when it comes to social media, always looking for something discreet or very non committal etc… OLD is a blessing for these types because they can fake their own persona and you have no references so they can tell you whatever you want to believe. There’s many different types on predators on OLD and this type is one of them.

The ones i have met have been stupid, over confident or both. Can't resist bragging about real life achievements and leaving themselves wide open to getting caught 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Sandra1984]

It’s going to be difficult for OP to dig into this man because if he’s been cheating on the wife for a while most probably he’s done his homework . If I were her I would just move on to greener pastures and spend that precious energy digging on him elsewhere.

[Sandra1984]

@bluebell34567

to me not.
i would want to know who did this to me, too.
but i am not sure if you will be able to find much or do much after finding him.

Guys who engage in these type of shenanigans have their tracks very well covered and are quite pros at what they do. I’ve met a couple of them (who were text book narcissists) and they are very off the grid when it comes to social media, always looking for something discreet or very non committal etc… OLD is a blessing for these types because they can fake their own persona and you have no references so they can tell you whatever you want to believe. There’s many different types on predators on OLD and this type is one of them.

[TeaandLemonDrizzle]

I suppose it just goes to show you how manipulative some men can be. I’m a bit too trusting and, having been in a long relationship previously, I’m naive a bit!

You’ve had a lucky escape.

Id be like you and dig for info and, possibly, mysteriously tell the wife!

[bluebell34567]

@atoughone

I'm
Obsessed with finding the truth having been catfished. Is that so bad ?

to me not.
i would want to know who did this to me, too.
but i am not sure if you will be able to find much or do much after finding him.

[tribpot]

Coffee in the car with a complete stranger 😱Did he think it would be too obvious if he suggested meeting in a dark alley or deserted moor? (Not suggesting he really is a serial killer, just that this is a massive red flag, as any man with sense would have known).

[Sandra1984]

@atoughone He did give me his name but he got confused between his alleged name on line and his real name.

yeahhh… I also get confused when I give my real name 🤣😂🤣 (insert sarcastic tone)

@atoughone In fact, once he suggested we actually have coffee in the car when we met !!!!

what a charmer. This guy is so married and afraid of getting “busted” it hurts 🤣

[premicrois]

@atoughone

I'm
Obsessed with finding the truth having been catfished. Is that so bad ?

It's absolutely crazy.

There is no value in obsession here.

[TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu]

@Deathbyfluffy

You need to separate yourself from other peoples opinions, and realise that he might just be after the same thing as you for similar reasons.

It’s very easy to get drawn into the MN mindset of ‘omg he must be a cheat!!! Burn him at the stake!’
But stop and think logically - if you’re after the same thing with no ulterior motive then surely he could be too?

The only way to find out is to explore the relationship further without relying on strangers on the internet.

But stop and think logically - if you’re after the same thing with no ulterior motive then surely he could be too?

OP has thought logically.
Logic says that there's no way she's after the same thing as this man, because she's not setting him up for secrecy & lying about her name.
Or DARVO'ing him when caught at it.

[larkstar]

If he was a smart, sensitive and understanding guy he'd have some insight into the problems and risks of the dating game from a woman's perspective and if he was serious about trying to find a partner he'd go out of his way to alsy any fears or concerns you might have, ideally before you even raised them - his reaction, I think, is all the proof you need to confirm that he wasn't genuine - really, if he was serious about you - how much trouble would it be to prove who he was, to provide some evidence to confirm a few facts - wouldn't that be worth it - to get the meetings off to a very positive start?

[atoughone]

I'm
Obsessed with finding the truth having been catfished. Is that so bad ?

[ClaraBourne]

So you have been chatting to a wealthy guy who values his privacy and now you seem obsessed.

Just leave it.