New partner going on a "singles night"

[Anonnyno]

I suppose I'm looking for some assurance here...

Been dating someone just over a month and recently made decision to say we're offically in a proper relationship. I do trust her (as much as I can, given we're still in early stages) and want us to feel free to have our own lives, etc. However, there's just one forthcoming event that's niggling away at me, and would appreciate advice on how to deal with it.

Her friends at work have arranged a "singles night" - bascially going clubbing and getting very drunk - and my new partner's been invited. Obviously, I guess as we were in early stages of dating when this was set up, so maybe her friends still considered her single. She's told me she's not particularly keen on clubbing anyway and could think of nothing worse than being hit on by guy on the dancefloor - but even so, I can't help but feel unsettled by the whole idea of her going out with friends, where the explicit intention is that they're all single and will be on the "pull" or whatever and will (as she's admittd will be the case) be nursing a massive hangover the next day.

In a way, if they hadn't labelled it "singles" then I might not be as bothered so much. I don't want to stop her from having fun.

Any thoughts?

[ApolloandDaphne]

Someone on the group has dubbed it 'singles night' but in reality it is just a night out. If your DP wants to go then it is up to her. If she is committed to your relationship she can still have a fun night out without trying to 'pull'. The reality is that you have to trust her. Your lack of trust and jealousy at this early stage of the relationship is a little unsettling.

[Azandme]

It isn't what it's called that matters. It's just a women's night out. If you trust her then there's no issue, if you don't then that's a whole other issue, and it sounds like you don't.

I regularly go out with a group of single friends. We drink, we dance, they pull, I don't. My partner doesn't care because he trusts me.

[StrangeCondition]

Isn't it just a night out of clubbing and getting a bit pissed, where does the single bit come into it? Even if the others are single doesn't mean your GF (or whatever you are) is going to act like a single person on the pull.

With regards to this and will (as she's admittd will be the case) be nursing a massive hangover the next day do you have a problem with her going out and having a drink?

[EBearhug]

It's a night out with mates. Some of them will be on the pull, others will be just drinking and dancing. Even when actually single, not everyone in a group will be trying to get off with someone, and I'm surprised anyone needs telling this.

If you can't trust her on this, you may as well get out now.

[altmember]

So if she's not keen on nightclubs and getting drunk, is the primary reason she's going because it's a singles get together? 🤔

Has she introduced you to her friends yet? If not, I'd be inclined for the two of you to make a practical joke out of it where you turn up in the same venue, cop off with each other and proceed to make out that it's the first time you've met. And then she has an excuse to leave early, with you.

[Anonnyno]

Thanks all. To be fair, it’s good to hear that it’s just a girl’s night out and things like “singles” are just what’s been attached by some, not seriously. It’s the dissonance that was affecting me: kind of, “we’ve now agreed we’re exclusive and now I’m going off speed dating” kind of thing. My brain didn’t really know how to wrap itself around it.

[Didimum]

"... and will (as she's admittd will be the case) be nursing a massive hangover the next day.

In a way, if they hadn't labelled it "singles" then I might not be as bothered so much. I don't want to stop her from having fun."

'Singles' night aside – why would would it just not bother you 'as much' if she goes on a night out? It shouldn't bother you AT ALL. And what's the problem with her drinking and getting a hangover?

[forumdonkey]

Wow, you sound very controlling already. Sorry but after a month she's a girlfriend and why are you questioning a night out without you? Whether it's four weeks into dating or 40 years of marriage.

[vodkaredbullgirl]

If you bothered now so new into a relationship, what you going to be like when she is invited out again. Have you been like this before when in a relationship?

[MiniPiccolo]

If I thought my DP was posting stuff like this at the start of our relationship I'd have ran for the hills.

It's been 5 weeks OP. Get a grip.

[Scabbyknackers]

I wouldn't like a new partner going on something called a 'singles night' so I do understand but this doesn't sound like speed dating or anything. It does just sound like a night on the piss. I wouldn't take the name too seriously in this case.

[burnoutbabe]

Why is she telling you it's a singles night? Rather than "a night out with the ladies from work"
It's not a term I'd use with a new partner as it is just bound to worry them.

[DomPerignon12]

Well have they called it singles because they all happen to be single? Or because they’re going to get some action with the opposite sex?

[Anonnyno]

singles night aside

questioning a night out without you

See previous post. Not fussed at all about her going on a night out without me - so the singles night isn’t “aside” it’s the actual point I was asking about.

@Scabbyknackers thanks! I will.

[Anonnyno]

@burnoutbabe

Why is she telling you it's a singles night? Rather than "a night out with the ladies from work"
It's not a term I'd use with a new partner as it is just bound to worry them.

Because that’s what they’ve decided to call it.

[Anonnyno]

@DomPerignon12

Well have they called it singles because they all happen to be single? Or because they’re going to get some action with the opposite sex?

The latter ( though my partner’s assured me it’s moot what she’s personally into!)

[burnoutbabe]

Yes but it's not the law that she had to use the same terms either you that she does with them!

Just seems strange is all.

[fruitbrewhaha]

But she is still single, she's not married and you've only just met. If you don't trust her that that is a problem.

I expect it was just organised by a group of unmarried staff, and she will likely just have a good night out. It's not likely she will be the only person there who is dating, people do drag their mates along.

[Cas112]

Its literally just a night out OP

[Anonnyno]

But she is still single

I guess it depends on whether you consider agreeing to be exclusive but not married as “single”. But I get that she essentially was when they likely set it up.

@Cas112 Thanks - I get that now! I’ll chill out.

[wellhelloitsme]

Mate, someone you're dating is going on a night out with some friends.

It's not that deep.

And don't rush into stuff like calling people 'partner' - you've been dating for a month!

Chill.

[Lovelycheese]

'We were still in the early stages of dating when it was set up.' You still are!!

Not a partner.

Someone you've been on some dates with is going out with mates.

Calling it singles night is code for 'please don't bring your dates/partners etc.

Its concerning you think this is an issue and I would work on your insecurity, jealousy, control or whatever it is.

[CupidStunt22]

@Anonnyno

But she is still single

I guess it depends on whether you consider agreeing to be exclusive but not married as “single”. But I get that she essentially was when they likely set it up.

@Cas112 Thanks - I get that now! I’ll chill out.

I'd call someone in a relationship of aprroximately 5 minutes single. Like you.

[wellhelloitsme]

We were still in the early stages of dating when it was set up.

What are you in now, four weeks in?!

OP you sound very intense and keen to rush the relationship along e.g. calling her your partner.

That intensity can often be control in reality.

Please try to chill and if this is how you've been in previous relationships maybe work on feeling insecure / being intense so you and people you date don't have these kind of issues, especially this early on.

[Watchkeys]

Well, you wouldn't be posting if you trusted her.

Have you told her it's bothering you?