I’ve got a bad feeling.

[Sausagelove]

My marriage is abusive and I’ve been putting up with it for far too long. There is no physical violence but awful verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. His anger and hatred towards me is off the scale. Lately I’ve felt increasingly uneasy round him and a sense of danger. I’ve wondered if he was planning to kill me then told myself I’m being silly.I’ve asked him to move out, and he has. He is furious.

Today I had a conversation with his brother. Bil is very sensible and nice. He knows we’ve not been getting on although not the truth. Bil said he has become seriously concerned. He said H often rants about me in a furious spiteful manner and blames me for everything.He said H is consumed by it. He said H gives off a evil sinister energy (he does) and that he no longer wants him around him or his children. He said he is seriously concerned that H is going to hurt me and that he has long suspected him to be a sociopath.

I don’t know if I’m just spooked, but I’m actually really frightened. I used to have that awful anxious feeling around him that i realise was actually fear. I am not worried he is going to attack me, I am worried he is going to kill me.

I know that womens aid and the police can help but realistically he could be in this house within seconds if he wanted to.

[ouch12345]

I hope the police were helpful OP, what a terrifying ordeal to be going through. Is there anyone that can stay with you?

[2bazookas]

re the pets; if there is a local animal rescue centre they will often provide temporary shelter for pets during domestic disruptions, owner in hospital etc. You retain ownership so they won't get rehomed .

[2bazookas]

Pack a bag and leave while he's at work; go somewhere safe. Once you are in a safe place contact Women's Aid for help. Don't go back home.
Remember to take any important paperwork that's yours (certificates, passport, bank , work,car)

[Circumferences]

Where's he gone?
Is he still nearby?

[candlesandpitchforks]

Also if you have a iPhone

Turn this on and practice it so you know which buttons to press

support.apple.com/en-us/HT208076

[candlesandpitchforks]

I had this with a ex. It gave me pdst, he was found with equipment in his home that certainly meant he planning to aeriously harm me.

Best advice follow your gut, if you feel in danger but can't figure out why. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT, your brain has spotted something your eyes haven't caught your with. Don't worry about feeling ridiculous, staying safe is the game.

Read the "gift of fear" by gavin debeck. It potentially saved my life and others. It may save yours.

You can do this.

[SortingItOut]

I forgot I did that too, I've had a locked phone for years but as soon as he started I removed the lock.

I carried a knife with me at all times (illegal) and slept with one under my pillow because I thought I had a good chance of taking him out first.

Honestly the measures we go to.

[Sausagelove]

Sortingitout I’m sorry you’ve experienced it too. This is exactly what I’m doing.Every noise is making me jump with my heart racing. I am inclined to freeze momentarily. I’m so on edge I’ve taken off the keypad lock on my phone, mindful of those extra few seconds it would take to unlock it.

[hattie43]

This is awful . Take very good care of your pets as killing them would be a way to hurt you but not be in as much trouble as if he attacked you .

What an awful situation for you .

[SortingItOut]

I'm so pleased you've contacted the police and are getting support.

The fear of being killed by your ex is the worst feeling ever, I had it with my ex husband 18mths after we split when he realised I was seeing someone.
He started off with driving past my house all the time, he jumped my backfence and entered my house and took stuff and he put a tracker in my car.
I had to lock doors and windows at all times, I only walked my dogs near busy roads (instead of countryside), I was literally looking over my shoulder constantly and had the worst nightmares.

I wish I'd gone to the police but I didn't because I felt it was my fault for ending it and to make sure he had no criminal record as most jobs he does involves DBS'.

I was a twat but you sound like you're doing everything right. Good luck💕

[Honeyroar]

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing by contacting the police. Please tell them what your BiL said.

please also look into where you could send the pets in an emergency, some rescues will foster for DV cases. (I once took a stranger’s pets when she had to go into a refuge)

[JudyGemstone]

You don’t have to officially report the DV to get support from the police.
they can send the Bobby van round to make sure your home is secure and offer advice.

[hobbledyhoy]

I felt terrified for you just reading this, you poor soul, I'm pleased you're now feeling safe and have spoken to the police.

[Sausagelove]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I’ve spoken to the police who are going to come and see me and I’ve also been in touch with a local support agency who were quite concerned and are also going to come and see me. I’ve also arranged to have the locks changed and have secured things really well.

I cannot believe what I’ve been putting up with. I can’t stop crying.

[Itstimetoquit]

I've been here before,I asked the police to be at my house when I asked him to leave as I too was scared and felt in danger,call the police they helped me so much x

[wanderingscot]

Doing nothing is not an option.
Trust your gut instinct, contact Womens Aid and get yourself to a place of safety asap. I would put your house on the market asap.

[RocketAndAFuckingMelon]

@Sausagelove

I cannot leave my home and even if I did he obviously would know I had gone to certain friends. He knows where I work and where I go. I was going to say I don’t feel in immediate danger tonight but I just realised I usually leave the back door open for the pets to wander in and out and I have kept it locked tonight.

What realistically will the police do, based on a feeling? He hasn’t commented any crime?

He has - coercive control is now a crime. I would report that, and also tell them about the weapon. There is more information about coercive control here. I would encourage you to report it even if you don't feel you 'tick all the boxes.' rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/

[bouncydog]

Contact the police without delay. In the event that the legal weapon is a gun of some description I believe that they would remove it until such time as it was deemed safe to be returned.

[DrinkFeckArseBrick]

It's not based on a feeling OP. The facts are -
He has emotionally abused you.
His own brother is concerned for your safety to the point of warning you due to his ranting and raving about you
He has recently bought a weapon
He is extremely angry
Women in general are most at risk when they have ended an abusive relationship

You have nothing to lose by speaking to the police.

[ReadyToMoveIt]

He has committed the crime of emotional and financial abuse.

[ReadyToMoveIt]

If you genuinely feel you’re in danger from him, then the pets thing is kind of irrelevant. You won’t be able to look after them if you’re dead, either. Your safety is paramount here.

[Chilesstanton]

Where will your pets go if he follows through?! Please trust your instincts and protect yourself!!!

[Sausagelove]

I cannot leave my home and even if I did he obviously would know I had gone to certain friends. He knows where I work and where I go. I was going to say I don’t feel in immediate danger tonight but I just realised I usually leave the back door open for the pets to wander in and out and I have kept it locked tonight.

What realistically will the police do, based on a feeling? He hasn’t commented any crime?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Could you stay with your BIL and his family? It sounds like he has your ex's number and will keep you as safe as you are likely to be without going to a refuge. There are fostering agencies that can help with your pets that specialise in helping victims of abuse.

[HollowTalk]

Do you have children? Who is in your house at the moment?