How do you move on when you've had no closure

[Howtomoveon21]

My partner of 2 years decided he was going to move back to his house as he wants to renovate it and not let it out anymore. We've had some problems but he was always just going to move out at the end of March and we'd still carry on in a relationship. Whether that was his intention or not I don't know.

Mid March he moved some more stuff out and stayed the night at his house after visiting his mother, and then he basically didn't come back. The night he spent at his house just affirmed that he wanted to live alone or at least not with me, and he didn't want to continue with our relationship. He came over two days later,and surprised me with a break up. I say surprise, I wasn't really but was upset obviously.

I've tried to get over it during the past 6 weeks but I'm really struggling and would appreciate some advice.

We don't have children together but we have a dog. Previously he showed no interest in taking the dog but he wants him at weekends. Full disclosure he paid paid the purchase price of the dog but I did all the rearing and day to day care as I work from home. Dog still lives with me.

Whilst it's not my business what he now does in his spare time, he started dating very quickly and took the dog on a date. I can't let go of the fact that it's our dog and two weeks after leaving he was taking him out with another woman. Which I think is a silly way to think but I can't seem to change my way of thinking. I tried to cut complete contact but he wouldn't let me, he threatened to take the dog to his mums (she hates me) which triggered a really bad episode for me.

He simply has moved on, has a new girlfriend, we're not on good terms because I've just been abandoned and I feel such rage that he's just moved on from day 1.

He agreed to let me have a month of no communication meaning he doesn't see the dog and he hopes that after a month I'll be able to tolerate him picking the dog up. But I know I won't....I know I will be bitter that I do all the grunt work, he takes dog off for a jolly weekend with his new girlfriend. It's that constant reminder.

Any advice on how I can stop being a muppet?I'm disappointed in myself

[Howtomoveon21]

Thank you all, as it stands all communication is blocked for a month. In a month we will discuss dog. His email address is filtered to spam, his phone number is blocked.

I've got a set date (28th May) that I need to make contact to discuss what to do with the dog. I'm slowly getting rid of him but I do keep having the odd moments of absolute rage

[Justa47]

@Whatisthisfuckery

100% correct.

[ItsNotLoveActually]

How about every other w/e? It's not fair he gets every w/e. If he refuses then tell him to go to Court. My bet is that he'll eventually get bored and drop it.
You will get over your ex eventually too.

[category12]

At the end of the no contact, just tell him no, it's not happening. You can't share a dog for the rest of its life, it's ridiculous.

[OrchestraOfWankery]

I agree with pp. It's him wanting power and control over you. Don't let him have it. Your life won't be your own as you have to wait for him to arrive to take the dog out, then be in when he deigns to return it.

[Beamur]

I'm annoyed on your behalf! What a dick your ex is.
Can you afford to speak to a solicitor? This is essentially a property matter. Who owns the dog. I'm no expert but as you paid the breeder, have offered to reimburse your ex for his contribution, have possession and it's registered to you, I would have thought you have a good case. If not, better to know now and not ramp up the stress with going to court.
At the end of the month a solicitors letter would be a good way to communicate your intentions not to play this game.

[bunburyscucumbersandwich]

This isn't a new girlfriend. It's probably been going on a while and he even told you (by saying he was moving out) that they relationship was ending. That was your closure.

[Thelnebriati]

Whatisthisfuckery is right, but I will just add that although whoever paid for the dog legally owns the dog, in the past some judges have recognised that a dog is property but not an inanimate object.

There have been cases where people have won the right to own the dog, because they have been able to show that they are the person that looks after the dog and pays the bills for food, insurance, and vet care.

If I were you, I'd do what Whatisthisfuckery said, but I would also book the dog in at the vets for a check up, make sure his annual worming and vaccination are kept up to date, and make sure you pay with a traceable method, not cash.

Also, dig out all the photos you have of the dog. What impression do they create?

[Howtomoveon21]

@Thelnebriati

Whatisthisfuckery is right, but I will just add that although whoever paid for the dog legally owns the dog, in the past some judges have recognised that a dog is property but not an inanimate object.

There have been cases where people have won the right to own the dog, because they have been able to show that they are the person that looks after the dog and pays the bills for food, insurance, and vet care.

If I were you, I'd do what Whatisthisfuckery said, but I would also book the dog in at the vets for a check up, make sure his annual worming and vaccination are kept up to date, and make sure you pay with a traceable method, not cash.

Also, dig out all the photos you have of the dog. What impression do they create?

My question with that was does it matter who actually made the payment to the breeder. Just in the sense that it might buy me some time. I made the payment from my account, he sent me the value of the puppy over the course of a couple of days.

I can prove he’s always been insured by me, healthcare, vet appointments, registered at the vets by me. There are some photos of the ex and the dog, but considering I’m at home with him and have been since the puppy came home, there’s a larger amount with me.

He’s not the only pet I have, I had pets before my partner moved in. So he’s used to living here with the cats etc. It’s his home but clearly I’m placing too much emotion on something a judge wouldn’t do.

The closure thing, it wasn’t about whether the ex had moved on it was about allowing me to move on by being able to delete him!

[tropicalwaterdiver]

It looks like it does matter who paid the breeder - however, the dog was purchased when you and him were together and as he made a decision to move out, and left the dog behind, he technically abandoned the dog while you were taking care of the dog. Did he contribute to dogs expenses since he left?

[Howtomoveon21]

@tropicalwaterdiver

It looks like it does matter who paid the breeder - however, the dog was purchased when you and him were together and as he made a decision to move out, and left the dog behind, he technically abandoned the dog while you were taking care of the dog. Did he contribute to dogs expenses since he left?

No he said the dog lives with me so it's fair that I pay for the expenses. The only thing he did do is he gave me half of the money for neutering

[apalledandshocked]

Either the dog is yours or...
He abandoned an animal when he moved out. Which isnt a good look.
If I dropped my dog of at the RSPCA shelter, or gave it to a neighbour and said "it lives with you now" I couldnt then bounce back and say it was mine. I am sure the shelter dont just hand animals back if their previous owners change their minds.

[Thelnebriati]

My question with that was does it matter who actually made the payment to the breeder.

Yes, I'm afraid whoever paid for the puppy is the legal owner of the dog.
But you have several points in your favour so if he wants the dog now, let him take you to court.
Your argument is that he left the dog, he only wants it on weekends, and you are the one who cares for the dog and pays the bills.

[jannyapple]

Just tell him to fuck off .
Delete that twat and go a nice weekend break with your dog !

[YoniAndGuy]

Yup, looks like you can pull together all that nice fat little set of information, send him a solicitor's letter and tell him to SPIN.

Dear X,

This is to certify that, after your abandonment of our family home and also Fido on X date I consider the dog to now be my sole property and not joint and request you to cease and desist threatening to kidnap the dog etc.

Fido has always been primarily my pet and entirely my responsibility through our relationship, as evidenced by:

• initial payment to breeder from me
  

-all insurances and vet bills paid by me, can be proven,

• all daily care my responsibility including feeding and walks, this you tacitly admit to by your actions of moving out and not even considering taking Fido at the time - you acted in accordance with the staus quo which is that the dog has NEVER been your responsibility
  

-dog registered at vet to me, chip in my name

This is my dog and should you harass me again on this matter or attempt to steal my property it will become a matter for the police.

I hereby also state that you were utter mince in bed and you deserve for it to fall off, Fido woofed in agreement when I put this on facebook this afternoon.

Yours sincerely etc OP.

Or much better words to that effect written by a great lawyer!

[jannyapple]

@YoniAndGuy
👍🏼🤣🤣🤣

[thenewduchessofhastings]

Moved back into his house under the guise of "DIY" and out with another woman 2 weeks later?

His new girlfriend was already waiting in the wings for him.

[Dacquoise]

I would just not hand over the dog any more and put the onus on him to fight for custody. You have possession of the animal and don't have to answer the door to him. This situation is unrealistic long term. It's not a child and seems a bit iffy for him to be walking the dog with his new girlfriend. It's also quite unkind to keep turning up under the circumstances. As pp said, is it to impress new woman that he's an animal lover?

In the meantime, enjoy the company of your mutt, they are great companions in distress and take time to heal from this relationship. He sounds like a coward the way he treated you. You deserve better.

[InkMaster]

My friends ex carried on like this....but over their dd.

He left my friend for another woman. Didn't take any notice of dd.

That relationship ended and he got a new girlfriend who had children so then he decided that he wanted to spend lots of time with his dd and the new lady and her dc. Cue lots of Facebook posts about how he lives for dd and photos of their weekends. Then he got dumped and stopped seeing his dd again.

It may be that your ex has found himself a gf with a dog.

[misskick]

@MrJollyLivesNextDoor

He won't take you to court

Tell him to fuck off!

Ok perhaps word it slightly differently:

I no longer wish for you to have access to my dog, please therefore cease all communication regarding this.
Goodbye
You cunt
PS Fido hates you
PPS so do I
PPPS you were shit in bed

Or something like that

Brilliant, totally agree send exactly this!

[Lurcherloves]

He’s a complete bastard. Tell him he can forget seeing the dog after treating you like that. He probably gets off on tormenting you. You are well rid.

[SpeedRunParent]

@Whatisthisfuckery

1. If there’s any possibility he’s still got keys to your house then change your locks. Put security cameras up if possible.

1. Copy and securely store all communications with him saying he wants doggy at the weekend.
   

1. Send him an email or message saying that the weekend arrangement with the dog doesn’t work for you, and that you will offer him the purchase price of the dog to compensate him.
   

1. If he refuses and kicks off tell him small claims court is that way ->
   

1. If he’s daft enough to take you to small claims court you’ll have evidence that he doesn’t even want doggy full time, and that you offered him reimbursement and he refused.
   

Check mate and enjoy the rest of your life.

This!