How to have self love?

[adrianmolesmole]

I don't know where to put this thread so mods please move if it's in the wrong section.

I don't even know where to begin with this, but realise that I've never loved myself and that's why I act the way I do. I've always put on a 'mask' with people, I always put myself last, I always think if I'm unhappy it 'doesn't matter' because others in my life are happy. I have so many issues when it comes to relationships and sex. I can't move forward or make my life work out the way I want.

I watched this video today and it brought it all home to me, I do 8 out of the 10 things! It'll make more sense than me. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I75jn1lM-zM 10 Signs You Lack Self Love
]]

Where to even begin to gain self-love? I've had a sh!tty upbringing (hypercritical, gaslighting, controlling parents), which I know is the cause but I can't believe I've gone 49 years without fully realising that I don't love myself the way other people love themselves, and that's where I'm going wrong.

[crystalize]

@candlewhickgreen Your post was inspirational - thank you for sharing.

[KOKOagainandagain]

Years ago I had a computer programme called Wild Divine - still exists but different company marketing it. Basically meditation with biofeedback.

There was one exercise where you did some breathing and held out your palms and focused on the movement of air you could feel and then imagined this to be your essential self that had always been there, knew your history, understood and accepted you and loved you unconditionally and meant you were never alone.

[ExtraSettings]

I’m reading thread with interest.

I read this posted somewhere the other day. Mumsnet, Daily Mail, I can’t remember tbh:

“You’re supposed to love yourself. Self love is very important. If you don't love yourself you cannot expect others to love and respect you. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with self love. I know British society frowns upon this, but in many societies self love and self confidence is part of the upbringing. I think many problems happen in society because many people lack self love and self confidence”

[Daphnesmate04]

Oh yes, a lot of this applies to me. Mid forties now and I've only just realised how hard I have been on myself.

Childhood of emotional neglect/emotional abuse and physical abuse. Oh yes, and I was bullied too relentlessly. I was ostracized. It is only now I am learning to speak to myself kindly. Asking myself what do 'I' want to do. The damage to my mental health has been immense. My anxiety has gone through the roof at times. It's strange for me to think that some people might actually like themselves. I can imagine their expectations of relationships would be very different. Wearing a mask is very pertinent to me. I think I am quite funny but I am also prone to being quite cynical and don't always radiate good vibes - probably because I am used to operating in a swamp of negativity. I have found a hobby I enjoy (I used to feel like the hollow woman). If anyone asked me what I 'liked' to do/eat etc. I don't think I could answer. I am not good in group situations. I have put this down to being hyper-sensitive. I just get lost in those types of situations and like to listen rather than talk.

[Mulberry974]

This is interesting to me as my ex husband struggles to like himself at all. His parents weren't nurturing and were emotionally neglectful. My background was totally the opposite and I naturally look after myself and have a good sense of self. He seems to play roles in life and has made himself miserable in the process.

Since we broke up and with my encouragement he is now getting counselling. I think that's the only way through it. Good luck with everything OP

[ittakes2]

interesting video thank you