Overwhelming urge to be single

[SuzieQ10]

For no reason.
I love my DH and generally we have a happy life together.

But I just have this strong feeling suddenly that being single would be exciting, fun and that I am missing out.

How ridiculous. It would be the worst time to be single and I have DC with my DH who has done nothing wrong.

Maybe it's just sex. Maybe I miss the excitement of meeting and sleeping with someone new (not that it happened many times) the thrill.

Anyone else?? Will this feeling blow over?

[lazylinguist]

I absolutely adore my DH, he’s the best, but even I think if we split up I am never settling down again. I just can’t be bothered. I will live alone in a cottage with my dogs and do crochet

Ditto. But I'll add knitting too.

[bibbidybobbidyboo]

@Woolwichgirl I guess it depends entirely on why someone is craving being single - if it's not so much about the person they're with but rather that they're craving independence and opportunities then hobbies can do that. If they want to be single because they crave better sex and passion then most hobbies probably won't!

[Woolwichgirl]

Its all well and good everyone suggesting hobbies but for me personally the excitement from hobbies doesnt come close to the fire from a new relationship and yes I have tried different hobbies(Dancing,acting,martial arts,running,gardening,choir singing etc).

[bibbidybobbidyboo]

Second the hobby idea. I was suddenly single after a LTR the thing that brought me the most joy was throwing time into hobbies & travelling a lot. Dating on the other hand was absolutely dreadful.

[EarthSight]

@SuzieQ10

For no reason.
I love my DH and generally we have a happy life together.

But I just have this strong feeling suddenly that being single would be exciting, fun and that I am missing out.

How ridiculous. It would be the worst time to be single and I have DC with my DH who has done nothing wrong.

Maybe it's just sex. Maybe I miss the excitement of meeting and sleeping with someone new (not that it happened many times) the thrill.

Anyone else?? Will this feeling blow over?

I think it will one you get the excitement you crave from elsewhere (like doing a hobby). Also, the grass really isn't greener unless you are in your early 20s and are having fun in a houseshare with like minded friends. The stories about online dating are horrendous. There are many weird or violent men out there that are single after their partners have left them. There's lots of men out there too that I'm sure are lovely but have tons of baggage or responsibility.

[StormBaby]

@crochetmonkey74 🤣
I also know that if it doesn’t work with this one, it won’t work with any, so I just won’t bother.
The thought of the peace is quite seductive.

[crochetmonkey74]

@StormBaby

I absolutely adore my DH, he’s the best, but even I think if we split up I am never settling down again. I just can’t be bothered. I will live alone in a cottage with my dogs and do crochet 🤣

YES YES YES

I already know this too- no more men for me

[berrygirlie]

No worries at all, @Lookingoutside. I'm happy the grass was greener for you 🌿

[Lookingoutside]

Sorry @berrygirlie Just realised my post reads as a bit of a dig. I wasn’t responding directly to you, was just aware that people had mentioned Pinterest and it being ok to fantasise.

I agree. It’s all about how you feel most of the time and leaving certainly isn’t easy.

[berrygirlie]

Think you're responding to my comment, @Lookingoutside outside so I'll just say again - if the unhappiness of your relationship feels constant or you genuinely want to leave then that is what you should do. However, it's also good to think "Am I happy on a day-to-day basis and is this fantasy just a fantasy?" Of course, if OP is truly unhappy she should make the choice to become single.

[Lookingoutside]

The grass was greener for me. When I was still in my marriage I too had a Pinterest board for my own place and browsed on Rightmove every day. I thought about sex with other people and developed crush after crush.

I was unhappy, suffocated and being single was all I could think about. I really don’t think I’ll choose to settle down again. It isn’t always ‘perfectly fine and natural to have a little fantasy’. Sometimes it means you should leave grab the life you want.

[StormBaby]

I absolutely adore my DH, he’s the best, but even I think if we split up I am never settling down again. I just can’t be bothered. I will live alone in a cottage with my dogs and do crochet 🤣

[berrygirlie]

I get this too, OP (I've even had this very recently if I'm honest). Unless you're truly unhappy in your relationship, and I mean day-to-day unhappiness of "this is chipping away at my soul" degree, it's sometimes nice to just have a little fantasy without placing too much bearing on it.

Now this advice may help and hinder people in equal measures, but the way I've thought of it is ... how much tantric, amazing, passionate sex did you actually have when you were single? Because (for me anyway) I always get into this rut of fantasising about people or general ideas of the folk I'm attracted to, but how many times have you actually had sex that was that good? If you're thinking "not a lot", there's every likeliness it's overhyped in your mind to a degree that is potentially unrealistic for actual sex / relationships.

Sorry, hope it doesn't come off as condescending and this advice is probably quite hypocritical as I too struggle to put the fantasy away sometimes, but unless you're actively unhappy don't jump ship for a boat on the horizon.

[EvenMoreFuriousVexation]

Do you think it's the boring routine of lockdown that's prompting these feelings?

When I felt strong urges to be single, I wanted to be on my own, watch what I wanted on TV, wear what I wanted (or nothing!), have a pet, read a book without being interrupted, basically just suit myself.

In your case it sounds more like a yearning for more excitement? Is there anything you can do about that - meet new people through a hobby or class once lockdown is over? Take up a new hobby or sport with your H?

[SuzieQ10]

"Someone specific has turned your head?"

No not at all. In fact I work in a female dominated industry so I rarely ever meet any men at all. I no longer seem to have any male friends, except for friends husbands or DH's mates. Not that we have socialised at all recently anyway!

General lack of male company, perhaps.

[crochetmonkey74]

for me it is not other men at all- it is the idea of only having to think about myself and please myself- it's definitely a control issue as well

[WitsEnding]

It’s a shame we’re in lockdown - I used to find a night out with single friends dispelled any illusion that there are better men in easy reach.

[mynameiscalypso]

I think there's a difference between wanting to be single and wanting to be with someone else.

[ChickOnAStick]

I like the thought of having sex with someone else.

Someone specific has turned your head?

[SassenachWitch]

Just lately I fantasise about being single, not because I want to have sex with anyone else, I just want to be alone, I've never been single.

I imagine living in a modern, open-plan apartment, just me and 2 teenage DD's, oh and the cat.

[helpmeout45]

Hi! I was in an LTR for 5 years and things had fizzled out, I felt such an urge to be single. To sleep with all these people who ever showed an interest and I thought it would be fun to date.
I tell you now it is NOT fun haha! It’s so hard to find a decent guy these days as a lot of men just want sex or to string you along. The reality is that since then, I’m not being asked on many dates, a lot of men have played me and made me feel awful, and the grass wasn’t greener at all.
Of course if your relationship doesn’t make you happy then by all means leave. But if it’s just niggling thoughts I’d really really think about it because for me it’s got to the stage where I really miss my relationship with my ex because nothing really was wrong, it has just fizzled out. Just be careful and have a proper think about what you want Xx

[SuzieQ10]

Thanks all.
Yes I agree, the grass would probably not be greener.

I like the thought of having sex with someone else. But I don't think an open relationship would work.

[crochetmonkey74]

I do this! I love DP dearly, we have a lovely life but I was single a long time before meeting him and sometimes hanker after that- I browse Rightmove too and have a pinterest board of my fantasy little place- I think it is just a nice escape sometimes

[Dadaist]

Everyone feels this on occasion in a LTR OP. It’s entirely natural to feel attracted to the idea of reliving the highs and thrills of new love. It’s a question of whether you want out - want an open relationship - or want to keep what you have as it is and daydream every now and then.
If the latter - then try to focus on reconnecting with your OH and put some fun and flirtation and thrill back into your relationship.

[nonflirtinghusband]

I also do this, but I'm coming to the conclusion that I do want to leave.