There's this guy I met through mutual friends about a year ago. We are both 25. I was in a relationship at the time but I felt chemistry and attraction to him instantly. I didn't act on anything and put it down to a silly crush. I didn't see him for a few months.
Fast forward to march when I next saw him, I was no longer in a relationship. I could feel him staring at me an awful lot and he was pretty flirty. We start texting and calling each other all the way through lockdown, he would initiate conversations, start games for us to play etc, we were talking a looooot on the phone. Things got quite spicy and it got to the point where we were sending texts and a few pictures.
The only thing that put me off is how hot and cold he became - sometimes he was really hot, other times taking hours to reply, then sometimes he'd be talking about other girls he's slept with. His way of flirting appeared to be teasing me, which personally I don't mind but it was pretty much all the time. It annoyed me how unopen he was - sometimes he would have anxious bouts and he'd shut down and refuse to talk to me about it, then having a go at me for not giving him space and calling me annoying and flipping for asking if he's okay. I always found myself apologising.
After lockdown eased we decided to meet up (he lives 2 hours away) and we slept together. The sexual chemistry was unreal. But it ended pretty badly. I was in a really bad place and got a bit annoyed about something. He then told me he 'doesn't like sulkers' and it put him off me completely. We still spoke every now and then but nothing was the same.
This was April but every now and then we would still find eachother texting eachother. Everytime I've given time for the crush to die down, it really doesn't!!! This has carried on SO LONG. Everytime I decided not to talk to him anymore, we would end up messaging eachother a few weeks later.
Last week I asked if he fancies coming down for a weekend and he shut the idea down. He said it's too far away and that he's busy, so I offered to go to his instead. He asked me to stop messaging him because he's busy.
I did, and on Saturday he drunk texts me saying "I would come down if we like go for food or the pub or something". SO confusing. Anyway, I said it sounds good and he said he's up for it if we go out and whatever.
I haven't heard from him since that night though. I don't know whether to ask if he's coming, or bring it up, or just wait for him to message. I have no idea what's going on but the annoying thing is I've had these feelings for him for 14 months now and they're just not going anywhere. The sexual chemistry we have gives me butterflies everytime I think about him. I wonder if he's a bit toxic but I also love the idea of him coming down even just for a bit of fun. What do I do?!
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Relationships
Can't shake this guy off
blahblah27 · 06/10/2020 14:12
@BigBrows aww thanks, I do like to win 
@blahblah27 I'm glad you're re-evaluating your diet
@ blahblah27
You asked what it was that we 'see' that you don't ?
''The only thing that put me off is how hot and cold he became''
= he's only interested when it suits him ans his social/ work life.
''taking hours to reply, then sometimes he'd be talking about other girls he's slept with''
= He doesn't give one shiny shit about your feelings and is actively trying to hurt you/ make you jealous !
''His way of flirting appeared to be teasing me, which personally I don't mind but it was pretty much all the time. ''
= He's trying hard to make you confused and to make you feel insecure.
''It annoyed me how unopen he was''
= He won't be open with you when he couldn't care less about you or your feelings.
'' he would have anxious bouts and he'd shut down and refuse to talk to me about it, then having a go at me for not giving him space and calling me annoying and flipping for asking if he's okay. I always found myself apologising.''
= Again, he's keeping you insecure and unsure, but also making sure everything is always YOUR fault !
''we slept together. The sexual chemistry was unreal. But it ended pretty badly. I was in a really bad place and got a bit annoyed about something. He then told me he 'doesn't like sulkers' and it put him off me completely.''
= You're NOT important therefore you do not get to be annoyed at him ! Furthermore, you are NOT worthy of him, and he'll make damn sure you know it too !
''Everytime I decided not to talk to him anymore, we would end up messaging eachother a few weeks later.''
= Every time you made a decision to stop the relationship, he disregarded your feelings/boundaries ( or you never actually told him you'd 'decided' this and you never blocked him ! = He's got you exactly where he wants you - dangling, desperate for any crumb from him) 
''He asked me to stop messaging him because he's busy.''
= He decides if and when you may contact him.
''he drunk texts me........ ''
= you're only worth contacting if he hasn't managed to 'score' that night
''I said it sounds good and he said he's up for it if we go out and whatever..........I haven't heard from him since that night though. I don't know whether to ask if he's coming, or bring it up, or just wait for him to message.''
= You know he probably doesn't even remember calling you while drunk, and you're scared to even bring the subject up FFS ! You know that's not a relationship ! 
Please tell us you can 'see' what we do now ? You're entire post was chock a block with HUGE RED FLAGS about how he treats you, not to mention the fact that the relationship is almost entirely ''virtual''
Please, block him on all formats, and move on with your life. You deserve better
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