Who pays for meals out if you’re in a long term relationship/marriage where has up to x10 more money than you (inclusive of salary, property, savings etc)?

[Kizzle510]

Who pays for meals out if you’re in a long term relationship/marriage where has up to x10 more money than you (inclusive of salary, property, savings etc)? I’m not asking if there’s a rule as I know there isn’t but would be interesting to hear from couples with that much financial difference esp if you’re not living together but either way.

[troublingtimes]

@Purpleorange1 really? 8x? 70/30 isn’t fair in that circumstance and 50/50 really isn’t!

[troublingtimes]

@ItWasntMyFault that’s always a huge red flag. Gold digger according to who? Him? Was the money made during the marriage? She married him because he had money? Was he THAT naive?

[Yankathebear]

Whoever gets to their wallet first!
I’d say we both tend to pay out the same amount.
I’m the higher earner.

[messy123]

He earns 3 times as much as me but always complains I don't pay my way so I pay for what I can afford (sometimes I bit more 😬) to keep the peace

[ChorltonWheelie]

We put all the money in a pot and then its our money. There is no concept of DH money or my money, its just our money. Been like that since we got married

[sofato5miles]

@Purpleorange1 would not 70:30 be fair if he earned 2.3x not 8x what you earn

[Purpleorange1]

DH earns 8X my salary so he pays for holidays and days out. On a self catering holiday I pay for all the food. When abroad I pay for food and souvenirs. If we go to a restaurant we take it in turns to pay. Takeaways on Friday nights we each pay every other week.
Even before we got married it was always 50/50 now with 3 kids in tow and him earning more it's more 70/30

[CarlottaValdez]

I suppose technically I pay for everything as we put all spending on a joint credit card which I pay off in full each month. Genuinely see it all as family money though.

[yearinyearout]

We are in exactly this situation. I would say DH pays for more meals than I do, but he also tends to pay for the more expensive meals too. So I might get lunch one day and he will pay for dinner next time we are out. We don't keep count though.

[thirtyfuckingfive]

We don't see it as my money and your money. But I do feel that as the higher earner I have more freedom to spend on what I want without checking with him very much at all.

[thirtyfuckingfive]

I earn a lot more than DH. So I pay for all family holidays, nights out, house stuff, car, kids school fees, childcare, and extras.
Basic utility bills and mortgage are split. He has enough left over to spend on his own leisure for the month and for his own savings (although I look after it all, I make sure we both pay equal in and he has just as much in his name in savings, but I have quite a lot more in my pension).

I don't mind at all paying for more things as I still have my own disposable income and so does he. What I have left over is a few hundred quid more than he does every month but not a massive % more. I need it for Botox

[Mum4Fergus]

One pot for everything that comes in and goes out. We'd let each other know of any big spends £50+...

[lynsey91]

We have a joint account (opened when we married 40 years ago) so we both pay. Just depends which one of us actually uses our card.

ALL the money that either of us gets, apart from birthday or Christmas present money, is OUR money.

When we married I was the higher earner then DH was. From 2011 until earlier this year I didn't work at all because of ill health and was entitled to no benefits whatsoever so bringing no money in. I am now getting my state pension.

DH got a pretty large inheritance a few years ago and it all went into our account for us both to spend

[MrsTombliboo]

My DH earns much more than me as I've been either a stay at home mum or working part time. Since we married, we have only had a joint account between us, so the money is ours and we spend as a team. There is no his or mine.

[mindutopia]

I would assume you both would, but proportionate to your income. Dh and I earn similar ish amounts now but we pay into a joint account joint expenses in line with what we each earn.

At other times, before we had a joint account when we were dating or just before we got around to opening one, our incomes were a bit more different. Sometimes one of us earned significantly more and sometimes the other did. Whoever had more would tend to pay for more at the time, but no one ever got a free ride.

[HoneysuckIejasmine]

My money (child benefit!) is ours and his money (an actual salary) is ours. All goes in one account, we both spend from it. We have savings accounts which both have the same balance.

[ItWasntMyFault]

DP earns considerably more than I do, we've been together 7 years but don't live together due to adult children and children still at school etc.
We split everything 50/50 at my insistence- his ex-wife was a gold digger which makes me very careful to ensure no one can accuse me of being the same!

[jackstini]

It comes out the joint account
I earn all, DH earns nothing (SAHD)

[vanillandhoney]

Joint finances here. DH out-earns me as I'm in the process of starting up my own business.

In reality, what that means at the moment is that he pays for all the household bills - mortgage, gas, electric, water and council tax. I pay for the internet, food and all pet-related costs. We each pay our own individual car bills - petrol, insurance, MOT etc.

He then pays when we go out - be that a three course meal or coffee and cake somewhere. It then means we roughly end up with the same amount leftover in our individual accounts. Our leftover money goes on our hobbies, meals out with our own friends, clothes, haircuts or into our individual savings accounts.

When we earned the same, everything got split 50/50. We don't have a joint account either.

[feedthebees]

DH does all the physical paying of the meals although we've considered all our money to be shared since we got married. We have separate accounts but that just means our shared money is split into different pots. Occasionally I'll pay on my card as a symbolic gesture, e.g. if it's his birthday.

Before we got married, he paid for all meals when we were dating. He's always earned at least 5x my income (now it's more like 10x) and had fewer financial commitments (I had dc) so he simply had more disposable money. I'd often get us free tickets to theatre and art shows though, through contacts.

[Gazelda]

DH earns double my salary. He puts most into joint account for bills (as do I) and we each have our own personal account for bits and pieces.
He pays for meals out, unless it's a snack in a coffee shop or something and I pay for it out of the joint account. I always buy dinner on his birthday and Father's Day out of my personal account.

[LilyLongJohn]

My dh pays when we go out. But that's the way we agreed to do it. I pay all the household stuff and mortgage and he pays for food and everything else, days out holidays etc. I earn a regular wage and more than him, so this works well for us. We both end up with about the same disposable income at the end of it.

[MonaChopsis]

Was in this situation with an ex, he paid for big things (eg meal out), I paid for small things (eg coffee). I probably spent more on coffees with him than I would have on meals had I been single! There was no resentment from him about this and in fact he thought it was a tad ridiculous that I paid for anything at all.

[ClarencesMum]

If you live together surely the money is just the money, it doesn't belong to anyone.

[UnfinishedSymphon]

DP always pays when we go out unless it's his birthday then I pay, he earns a little more than me and we've had many arguments when I've tried to pay. But I tend to get a bit more of the food shop i.e. top ups during the week so it's swings and roundabouts