Absent fathers

[Mummybiscuitx]

Hi all. Those of you who have children and are separated from their fathers.. If they've now become absent, how long have they been absent for and have they ever suddenly reappeared into your children's lives again? It's been three months since my ex saw our DD, having left because of DV.. He will only be able to see her through the courts system now but part of me thinks he's not going to bother as he's realised the length of time in which it takes and the expense.

[Alwaysinpain]

[quote Justnoisewhitenoise]@Alwaysinpain another one that clearly doesnt deserve his child :( I just don't get it.. I look at my daughter and think how can he be like this..i just feel sad for her that's all x[/quote]
Same 💔 x

[Justnoisewhitenoise]

So true. I'm shocked I've had this many replies but really and truly.. Takes a real dad to bring up a child.. Any fool can have a baby.
Disgusted they choose to be this way

[dublingirl66]

Love to all of the lovely families who have been through this hell just shocking

And we get sucked in so bad and it's so hard to step out !!

[NellyTimes]

My exh was emotionally and financially abusive, I finally plucked up the courage to leave him 9 years ago and he then spent 8 months trying to bully me into going back. When he finally realised I wasn't going to, he told me we are all dead to him and haven't seen him since. The kids are 11 and 12 now and are just fabulous children and I don't believe they would have flourished in a home with him in it. He pays me some money every month, but that is the extent of his fathering.

[cookiemonster5]

Over 11 years in my case. I left him after years of abuse and he never bothered. Like just if the rest of these useless scum he tells people I don't let him see them. That's if he admits they are his. He likes to pretend I cheated and they aren't his.

[Justnoisewhitenoise]

@dublingirl66 :( horrific... Fight him all the way though. If there's evidence to show he's an abusive scumbag it will come out in court xxx

[dublingirl66]

He assaulted my DD when she was 7 weeks old

My girl is now 3 and he is taking us to court

Ordering that I get a psychiatric evualation yet he is the one who tried to kill me

Awful piece of cra-

Hope he goes far far away soon
Spend thousands already fighting him

[Justnoisewhitenoise]

@Redbirds that's how I feel also. I feel so embarrassed and like I've burdened my daughter with him being her dad

[Justnoisewhitenoise]

@sweettea1 that's so sad :( I promised his nan and grandad she would still be in their lives through me. I just have this awful feeling, money, expense of courts, time it's all going to come into why he's decided to not pursue contact.. His relationship will never ever be the same with her.. At best he will be the every other weekend dad.. And thats years and years away.

[Redbirds]

My ex bothered to have contact when they were young but when they hit their teenage years didn’t want to be bothered. He made excuse after excuse and contact just dwindled out to a few visits a year to see their grandparents. Now as adults they have no contact with him and don’t really miss him but do miss having “ a proper father” in their lives. My son mentioned this on Fathers Day and it made me feel guilty and embarrassed I married such a feckless and selfish man.

[Sweettea1]

My dd 5 doesn't remember him last time they seen each other she was 4 months old he decided he wasn't ready to be a dad an ive not heatd from him since she does see her fathers parents an family but no one mentions him an she doesn't even no that nanna an grandad are actually her fathers parents as far as she's concerned she hasnt got one.

[Justnoisewhitenoise]

Anymore experiences to be heard? I'm interested in all these different experiences.. Gives me perspective on my situation

[Justnoisewhitenoise]

:( as hard as it is, she will not gain much by having a relationship with him.. I always think when I do go on to meet another man and they accept my daughter as well as me, that's who her dad will be, the one whose on the birth certificate is just the sperm doner.. In the meantime, I'm happy being mum and dad xxx

[Alwaysinpain]

Oh and like PP, he tells evvvveryone around him that he is 'prevented' from seeing his DD! That I'm a psycho etc etc. all the usual bullshit which they all lap up. It worked with his parents for a short while but they soon saw how much I was practically begging him to be a Dad to her.

My DD cries when she sees other Daddies with their DC. Breaks her heart; and mine.

[Justnoisewhitenoise]

@Alwaysinpain another one that clearly doesnt deserve his child :( I just don't get it.. I look at my daughter and think how can he be like this..i just feel sad for her that's all x

[Alwaysinpain]

It's been 4.5 years now! He contacted me randomly a couple of times in the first couple of years but not had any contact whatsoever since September 2017! At which point he didn't see her or anything and after a week of communicating pleasantly, he started an argument for no reason whatsoever and changed his number.

She was 1 when he left. Despite the random contact in the first year or so, he hasn't seen her since February 2016, which is when he left. He's blocked me on everything (despite there being no reason to whatsoever as I wasn't contacting him?!) and didn't even get in touch when she was diagnosed with a life limiting condition! (His parents told him).

His parents have tried to kick his arse into gear but to no avail.

[Justnoisewhitenoise]

@Greeneyes78 that's so heartbreaking :( I would've cried too.. My daughter has realised he's gone now which is really sad, she kept saying.. Daddy go away, then she says her teddies are going to go, then most heartbreaking she says, mummy go :( I know there's definitely a sense of abandonment there. And full agree with you, sh*t is too much of a nice word to describe them.

[binkyblinky]

@Mummybiscuitx you can apply to the court to change her name I believe

[IslaBas]

DD hasn’t seen her previously devoted father for over a year.

He met someone else, contact dropped off, there were a few arguments and he disappeared. He’s living down in Cornwall somewhere. I don’t have a phone number for him and has never answered any emails, not sure if his email is still in use.

His mother hasn’t spoken to him since then either, she doesn’t have his number or address.

If he came back now he’d get the door in his face. DD is and was devastated and I’ll never forgive him

[Greeneyes78]

i was married for 12 years, we had three children, i called time on the marriage in july 2014 and he hasn’t seen them since. My children were 5, 6 and 6 at the time, now they are 12,13 and 14.

My son is the eldest and has always struggled with his absence. A little while ago he sobbed his little heart out to me and my mother. Proper heart wrenching sobs where he couldn’t catch his breath. my mother and i cried with him.

i then rang his father and begged him to make an effort, that his son needed him and .......nothing.

these men are absolute pieces of shit.

[User43210]

@Mummybiscuitx

Thank you *@madcow88* your children are categorically better off without that monster. My exP was served with a non molestation order soon as I left, it was done without notice..the neighbours also v called the police on us regularly when they heard arguing, I remember the day I left whilst he was at work I said goodbye to them and they said they honestly thought he'd kill me one day :( I just really hope he either doesn't bother and forgets about my daughter or if we do go through court he gets the minimum contact possible. How long ago was this that he was given that court order x

Please don't wish this man upon another woman and child!!!

[Mummybiscuitx]

@starlightstarbright1 thank you for sharing.. I think once it gets to that stage if there's such damming evidence to suggest they are a risk to their children...i also wouldn't have bothered if I was him.. He probably would've got contact via letters!!

[Starlightstarbright1]

My Ds hasn’t seen his dad in 10 years.

He was taking me to court ( in the days low income got legal aid)

CAFCASS were going to recommend a psychiatric assessment before contact.

He did strangle me with Ds in my arms, try to kill me and end up in psychiatric hospital, threaten to kill him self and my Ds , take an Od when my Ds was a young baby and I took a nap.

He withdrew from court case and I have never heard from him again.

[Mummybiscuitx]

Thank you @midnightoil2020 for taking the time to share.. I see a common theme in most of these posts of flakiness and eventual giving up.. I just don't understand how you can firstly treat your children like that and secondly give up on them.. Maybe certain dad's out there don't have the mindset of mothers.. Nothing in this universe could make me give up on my child.. Your ex sounds like a prize tw*t!!!

[Midnightoil2020]

hes NOW met someone that should say