He's finally admitted to a new girlfriend

[Wannabegreenfingers]

Why are some (not all) men useless spineless fuckwits. My stbexh has finally admitted that he is in a relationship with his ex girlfriend of 20 years ago. She came back on the scene last year. We had been having a tricky time for a number of years, so I can't even blame her, but he has played the 'we are just friends' 'she's helping me out' card - Oh yes, let you move in for free in the 'spare' bedroom, I'm not stupid and neither is anyone else.

One of our many issues was gaslighting, on his side - clearly still is.

I don't feel angry that he is in a new relationship, but angry at the way he speaks to me, lies to my face about it and everything that goes with it. He is very controlling, took me two different counsellors to work it out.

We have two children, who she won't yet be introduced to as the new girlfriend, but they have met her. I've requested that I meet her first as despite everything we still have to co parent and if she is going to be in my children's lives I need to have some sort of relationship with the woman - I'm not some crazy, I've no desire to argue with her or discuss my stbexh, this is purely about my children. They are the priority.

Not sure what the point of my post is, I'm just letting off some steam.

Is there anyone that has been in similar situation and is past this rubbish stage?

[amillionwishes]

@madcatladyforever wtf? Do you know the OP's exp? Criminal record indeed

@Wannabegreenfingers my ex did similar, knew I was dating but insisted he wasn't (he was) but since he always has been a gaslighting liar I wouldn't expect anything else. He tried to control what I did post split (tell me when you have a bf, tell me if your bf sleeps over, tell me if your bf meets the kids etc). It is controlling, it's none of his business. I trust him not to introduce the kids to a "girlfriend" as anything other than a "friend" until he's completely sure that he's in a lasting relationship. I've met several of his ex's over the years and he seems to pick nice, decent women. And then ruin them so I'm not worried in that respect and don't feel the slightest inclination to meet her.

[blisstwins]

I think the OP should get a little slack. It sounds to me like he is living with the GF and that is a lot to stomach and it means the kids will presumably be in her house. I agree with PP that there is no point in meeting her. OP you will heal fastest if you go as NO CONTACT as possible. I am much further out and at this point I am mostly grateful the relationship ended and I never had to struggle with the decision. All the freedom, none of the guilt. Men who handle things this way were likely worse partners than you realized and there will be a time you can see that much more clearly. Hang in there. Early days are hardest.

[Bluntness100]

Im glad you’ve backed down on your demands on meeting her. That would be a very odd thing to demand, as the other parent he has a right to decide who his kids spend time with on his time. Just as you do on yours. It is courtesy to inform each other, although even that is not required, but demanding to meet is something else entirely. It’s controlling and smacks of jealousy and a desire to position yourself as top dog.

Hopefully you feel better tomorrow and can text and let him know you don’t need to meet her and for him to crack on. You will come out of that looking much better than you do sitting demanding to meet his girlfriend.

[Wannabegreenfingers]

Shes definitely not a criminal and neither is my ex, he just has questionable morals....