mental abuse and narcissism

[Christmashappy]

hi
I have been in a relationship with a man who I thought was wonderful, I started a relationship with him straight after my marriage and he was great.
I didn't notice it as I was already but he started to really chip away at me.
I asked him to live with me 3 years ago and he went mad, he never did move in but we lived together between 2 houses.
He doesn't stay here now i only stay at his.
He has utterly destroyed me, he is a narcissist i posted here before under a different username and he is definitely narcasstic.
On top of that he was sexting for years.
I still feel stuck to this guy , my mental health has really suffered and I can't see a way of getting out of this and spending time on my own.
I have 2 kids with my ex.

[Christmashappy]

@tickertyboo
Thanks. I am looking forward to starting.
I will, i need to.
Thanks for the advice xx

[tickertyboo]

Christmashappy - I'm glad to hear that you're still going to do your nurse training.

It's a good opportunity to make new friends and gain a different perspective on life; but this will only come if you're receptive to it. Let him go.

Good luck. xx

[Christmashappy]

@mayormaynot
I appreciate your honesty.
I feel so frustrated sometimes, like I know how bad he is and I shouldn't be with him and a huge part of me wishes he had never affected my life like this.
I am glad you are recovering. I will definitely read this link .

[mayormaynot]

Yes...and much, much wiser. For me it has taken a lot of therapy and study. I am constantly learning and making sure my children are never in the same positions. I'm breaking historical damage and behaviours. It is totally possible to recover.

[Christmashappy]

@mayormaynot
Are you okay now?
Thanks so much. Xx

[mayormaynot]

[quote Christmashappy]@mayormaynot
Thanks. I will read this.
I have totally underestimated the effect this had on my life x[/quote]
I've been there. Please look at this lady's work. So unbelievably understanding of where you are and how to help yourself.!

[mayormaynot]

Look at my link, Melanie is amazing at helping in your situation. She has lots of free advice on utube/Facebook etc

[Christmashappy]

@mayormaynot
Thanks. I will read this.
I have totally underestimated the effect this had on my life x

[mayormaynot]

www.melanietoniaevans.com

[Christmashappy]

@fluffynotebook
Thank you, I will definitely be in touch. Xxx

[fluffynotebook]

If you ever need someone to chat to please feel free to PM me x

[fluffynotebook]

Thank you. :)

[Christmashappy]

@tickertyboo
I just want to feel normal, it has been rough.

Yeah it starts in 2 weeks , need to sort myself out before then xx

[tickertyboo]

Christmashappy - wanting to be happy is not silly and you've acknowledged that happiness can't be with him.

Are you still going to do your nursing course? x

[Christmashappy]

@fluffynotebook
You take care of yourself too and don't let her get to you.
I honestly don't know how people who behave that way can function.
Its horrible xx

[Christmashappy]

@tickertyboo
Sounds silly but i just want to be happy.
That can't be with him. The only place I get support is here as no one else quite gets it.
Wish i could feel like myself again. X

[tickertyboo]

Christmashappy - what would you like to happen now?

[fluffynotebook]

I'm getting there thank you.
Dreading it when kids start back to school next week as we have kids at same school! But you've just got to hold your head high and keep saying to yourself that you haven't done anything wrong it's all on them. And go and live your life the best you can, you owe that to yourself.
It's crazy to think that there are people like that isn't it.
Look after yourself X

[Christmashappy]

@fluffynotebook
Thanks. Are you okay?

I can't believe people can be so soulless.
It has been an eye opener for me. X

[fluffynotebook]

Also look up trauma bonding as this is what happened to me x x

[Christmashappy]

@Windmillwhirl
Thanks for the advice
Its turned into such a horrible situation, you are right.
I will make my list tonight x

[fluffynotebook]

Please end this relationship and go no contact for your own sake.
I'm literally just ending a relationship but with a friend... she completely pulled the wool over my eyes which is 'love bombing', then slowly her mask began to slip and I can truly see her for who she is now. No empathy, manipulates, makes me feel guilty, plays mind games, is self entitled it's all about her and plays the victim. I can't believe now that I fell for it but that's narcissists for you. She is a covert narcissist though as opposed to an overt narcissist.

[Windmillwhirl]

I think you need to be on your own a while. If that scares you then you really need to do it and set better boundaries. From what you have said this isnt a great guy. This is a man that does as he pleases and you accept it out of fear of being alone.

Make a list of all the negative things about the relationship, then take a long look at it and ask yourself is this what you really want.

[Christmashappy]

@tickertyboo
I think that you are right.
I was lonely in my marriage and the narcasstic was outgoing, was affectionate, was passionate and attentive. He isn't any of those things now.
It feels like it has all become a habit and I feel worn down x

[tickertyboo]

Christmashappy - would it be fair of me to say that you've idolised this man and put him on a pedestal? If so, why do you think you've done this? Loneliness? A lack of meaning in your life?