Drives me mad - "I'll let you know when I'm free"

[hammie46i]

I wondered if I am being unreasonable about this. Would appreciate some advice as to whether you think I'm being uptight and need to chill out, or if this is unreasonable.

Me and BF arrange to meet on a certain day, at mine or at his. He is always resistant to setting a time. Instead he says "I'll let you know when I'm free" then I have to wait by the phone for him to let me know when to come round or when he's going to show up. I know roughly whether it's going to be late afternoon or evening or whatever, he just can't ever give a time.

As someone who has a busy professional life where I'm used to things being scheduled in, it annoys me no end.

He has a little one that he sees 3 days a week and has at the weekend so sometimes things don't go to plan and he will be late so he doesn't like setting times for that reason.

Part of me just feels like switching the damn phone off on the days he wants to see me so he realises he needs to be arranging an actual time, even if it's one that's later than he thinks he'll be free.

I feel like I can't get into anything, whether it be a book, a task, the housework, a phone call with someone else, because I never know when he's going to show up or want me to go round.

[Scarby9]

You have a lot more patience than I do. @hammii46i

I have had phases of no patience at all, phases where I have refused to meet up for months, and far too long where I just felt repeatedly hurt and resentful.

But she is (otherwise!) a great friend. When she is there, she is fully there and great company. It took me far too long to recognise and stand up for the fact that I also am a great friend to her and have the right to just as much consideration.

@Muser314 We are also different personality types when it comes to timekeeping. I am a 30 mins early type, given the chance... I think you just sometimes have to have those very uncomfortable conversations and stand offs, then a calmer conversation at a less stressful time setting out your feelings and agreeing reasonable expectations, if you think the relationship is worth it.

[SoulofanAggron]

Well done for telling him how you feel OP.

If he doesn't show up at the agreed time I'm going to let him know that it's not something I can deal with in a relationship because I'm too busy for that nonsense. It's not something I should have to nag him about and I won't.

I'm glad you're not going to put up with something you (understandably) dislike so much.

Please let us know how everything goes. xxx

[hammie46i]

[quote SoloMummy]@hammie46i
Also, his resistance re tomes, is that because you then "kick off" if he's late or changes it?[/quote]
No, never kicked off about this.

He was resistant in that he seemed to skirt around this when I've asked for a time in the past. I didn't press the issue or let him know it was annoying me, but I should have.

[loudev]

Glad you spoke to him. Once I told my boyfriend it bothered me he made so much more effort to make plans, I made it clear if he didn't I knew the relationship wouldn't work, he's been great since, and it's been about 4 months since the conversation.