Is there a name for this behaviour?

[JulietteLeGall]

I don’t know if I am being a bit crazy or even if this will make any sense.

Example: I want to go and see a friend. DH is annoyed for what he perceives to be justified reasons. Gives me quite a bit of grief over it (sulking, saying I’m being selfish etc.). The details and the rights and wrongs of this isn’t the point, the problem is that DH will then make a grand gesture to help facilitate me going to see my friend. For example, buying an expensive bottle of wine to take with me, usually always something financial and never practical - as in helping with the DC - and will still be in a strop. So he would hand the wine over but would say something negative at the same time, like I would say ‘you shouldn’t have’ and he would say ‘there’s a lot I shouldn’t do’.... and then the following day when trying to unpick the ‘argument’ we had about it he will fall back on ‘but I bought you the wine to take so obviously I didn’t have a problem with you going’

I’m not sure if that even makes sense but this is something that happens a lot.

[JulietteLeGall]

Broomfondle: ‘Because spending the money is easy
It's a way of 'showing support' that requires absolutely no emotional work or involvement from him.‘

This is it - you’ve hit the nail on the head for me.

I can already hear his answer to that though. That him spending hard earned money to help me have a good time is emotional work, but it’s bullshit. You’re completely right with ‘ It gives him a weapon in an arguement over whether he was nice/supportive that requires absolutely nothing from him personally’

Thank you !

[namechange12a]

It's called coercive control.

[updownroundandround]

Any partner who tries to control you or what you do is abusive.

Any 'payback' you are made to suffer because you did something your partner 'didn't like' is abuse.