Why do men have to stay out til the early hours to have a good time with their friends?

[Lsquiggles]

Low and behold with restrictions being lowered my partner and his friends want to get together next week for a 'late one' i.e. He goes out at 6pm and arrives home at 3/4am. He then ruins the next day by being tired and grumpy, ultimately having hour long naps so we can't do anything together.

They don't go out drinking but sit in and play on the PlayStation. Of course I want him to see his friends but I just can't comprehend why it has to be til the early hours of the morning? We have a young child who will be disturbed by him coming in so late and I won't be able to sleep well just waiting for him to come through the door because he never sticks to a time he says he'll be home at.

When I ask why it has to be til 3am he says 'that's just the way it is' - why?! Grown men with families can't possibly meet up at 5pm and come home at 11pm?

I'm more than fine with being told I'm being unreasonable as this isn't a regular occurance I just don't understand why these get togethers can't happen during the day

[BackforGood]

Men don't "have to stay out til the early hours to have a good time with their friends".

Some men, and some^ women choose to do that.

Why do some posters take what their partner does, and turn it into an accusation against half the adult population ?

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

I've been known to get in at 6 at times and I'm female and in my early 40s. It wouldn't bother me if it wasn't a weekly thing

[DarkHelmet]

Exh did this around once a month when we first moved in together but by the time I was expecting DD it was nearly every weekend, I hated it. He'd spend all day Sunday in bed, grumpy if he was disturbed, then come downstairs in time for dinner and expect me to be all love and light. It's extremely selfish behaviour.

[Purpleartichoke]

Responsible fathers don’t stay out til the wee hours. Man-children socialize all night and then are worthless parents the next day.

[pinkpinecone]

I can see it's a bit annoying but I don't see why you're making it into a big deal if it isn't a regular occurrence.

Parenting is full on, its full time responsibility and routine and we all need to enjoy time with our friends and let our hair down from time to time.

Both my partner and I have the odd day or night out with friends every few months. It's actually usually me who says I'll be home at a certain time and then gets back later because I see my friends so rarely that I get carried away and have that one more glass of wine!

[doodleygirl]

If thus is a weekly occurrence he is unreasonable. If it’s occasional YABU and should really do something fun with your friends.

[SleepingStandingUp]

How often does it happen op? Every weekend then yeah, I'd be pissed off. Every once in a blue moon? Yabu and need to accept he has an identity outside of husbandfather.

First time I went out after DS was born my friend, who's son is 2 weeks younger, got a taxi at about 3am
Because we were having fun
Because the other parent is capable of parenting
Because it doesn't happen often
Because the DHs can do the same another night

[Flamingnora123]

I wouldn't be bothered. If he spends all day playing games and being useless every weekend like loads of men we hear about on here, you should leave him. If he's generally responsible, useful and caring and every now and then goes to his mate's and stays up late I do think you're being a bit ridiculous, even if he's useless the next day. I'm going out with a friend in a couple of weeks and my husband has suggested I get a hotel so I can have a lie in with my hangover in peace, and we have 3 small kids. I would suggest you go and have a good time occasionally too, and leave him to take care of everything while you recover. Fair's fair.

[user1481840227]

I seriously would be having words with my OH if they sought to rein me in on my occasional late night - every if I did need a 1 hour nap the next day.

Yep if a man posted here and said his partner sometimes went to hang out from her friends, it wasn't a regular occurrence but she stayed there until 3am doing girly things with her mates and he wasn't happy about it and would rather she came home at 11 then I think he'd be called a control freak!

[RickDeckard]

I really don't understand people that lose their identity once they have kids.

Sure, you can't be taking time out as a parent frequently. But as a team, you work together so you can do some stuff on your own without the kids. If you've decided to be a martyr and not have your own time, but you other half didn't get the memo... Then I feel sorry for you.

Sneering at someone's choice of what they do in their free time (I.e. PlayStation) firmly places you in the see you next Tuesday bracket.

[sillysmiles]

You haven't said if it is every weekend or occasionally.
Every weekend would be an issue, occasionally though, not problem. You don't need to be stuck to each other all weekend.
You have said he's happy for you to do the same but you don't want to. That's your choice
Personally i hate feeling like there's a deadline on the end of a night, if I'm out i like to come home when I'm ready, not at some prearranged time.

[Cramitmaam]

I'm a female in my 30s and I have been known to stay up until 4am gaming and drinking with my mates (except we play Xbox, which is obviously superior )

I don't do it very often because we have young children and I don't really have the time.

If my DH did this regularly it would piss me off because we don't much family time so we try to protect it as well as we can.

[user1481840227]

@sillysmiles she said in the op that I'm more than fine with being told I'm being unreasonable as this isn't a regular occurance

[Duvetdoggy]

I'm a 'female' and my idea of fun is staying out all night drinking and talking shite and laughing. However it does not involve anyone else waiting for me.

[famousforwrongreason]

@Fatted

Technically you do know what time he will be home, it will be 3am. And you know that he will be too tired/hungover to do anything the next day. So I don't understand why you don't just crack on with doing your own thing.

This.

[famousforwrongreason]

I like to stay out until the early hours when I'm out with my friends.
I'm not a man either.

[BeautifulCrazy]

Surely he’s as likely to disturb your young child at 11pm as he is at 3am. Tell him to be quiet when he gets home.
I’d just leave him to it as long as he’s a good dad and does his fair share around the house the rest of the time. Don’t wait up for him, he’s a big boy and you’re not his mum. Get on with your day the next morning whilst he sleeps and have a lie in the next day whilst he looks after his child.

Your friendships may have different dynamics to his, there’s no right and wrong.

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

Goodness me so many posters must be very controlling partners. If my partner didn't let me have a late night once in a while with my friends I'd leave him! I'm sure he would leave me too.

If either of us had had a rare night out drinking then they get a lie in the next day and the other person gets up with the children. Neither of us take the piss and it all balances out. Just because you're in a relationship or have children doesn't mean you stop having a life outside of that. No wonder the divorce rate is so high!

[DaisyRaisin]

When I was first on Mumsnet I saw a lot of posts talking about " the usual Mumsnet hypocrisy", I'm starting to understand it...the first sign of a controlling male partner and everyone's like LTB... But I've seen quite a few controlling woman posts lately and its treated differently.