Why do men have to stay out til the early hours to have a good time with their friends?

[Lsquiggles]

Low and behold with restrictions being lowered my partner and his friends want to get together next week for a 'late one' i.e. He goes out at 6pm and arrives home at 3/4am. He then ruins the next day by being tired and grumpy, ultimately having hour long naps so we can't do anything together.

They don't go out drinking but sit in and play on the PlayStation. Of course I want him to see his friends but I just can't comprehend why it has to be til the early hours of the morning? We have a young child who will be disturbed by him coming in so late and I won't be able to sleep well just waiting for him to come through the door because he never sticks to a time he says he'll be home at.

When I ask why it has to be til 3am he says 'that's just the way it is' - why?! Grown men with families can't possibly meet up at 5pm and come home at 11pm?

I'm more than fine with being told I'm being unreasonable as this isn't a regular occurance I just don't understand why these get togethers can't happen during the day

[HavingAMoan]

Why do you wait up for him? DH doesn’t wait up for me when I go out, and I don’t wait up for him either. Do you not ever go out?

[annabel85]

This is unacceptable when you have a family. I was going to say is he having a mid life crisis but he's too young for that and too old for computer games. He needs to grow up. Now.

[DaisyRaisin]

@MMmomDD

I totally agree with you, good post.

[Valkadin]

I have done the same in the past, about four times a year when younger. I even went away overnight leaving DH and home with dc. Do you ever go out?

[schnubbins]

I still do it and I'm in my 50's with grown kids.

[Bubbletrouble43]

Can he sleep at a friend's and come home lunchtime, hopefully having had enough sleep to enjoy the afternoon with you and not disturbing anyone when he comes home?

[Bubbletrouble43]

I don't think this is unacceptable behaviour on his part though. DP is in his 40s and occasionally stays over at his brothers after having an evening out, it is too far to pay for a taxi.

[MrMeSeeks]

I don’t see the problem? If it’s not several times a week what’s the harm? No different that if he were going out with his mates down the pub!

[Teacaketotty]

I don’t personally see the problem as long as it’s not a very regular thing, once in a while to have a good time is great. I go out a few times a year with my friends very late and DH picks up the slack with the baby etc. Wether he’s going to the pub, golfing or PlayStation is irrelevant IMO - we all need time to ourselves to blow off steam, even more so as a parent sometimes!

[HavingAMoan]

I guess it depends on whether it’s part of a bigger picture.

[AliasGrape]

I think it depends on how often it is.

Being tired and grumpy the next day, taking it out on you all and effectively meaning you’re stuck with doing all the childcare and can’t do anything nice is really crap. But it it’s a once in a blue moon type thing and you get the same opportunity to do what you want both for an evening out AND having the next day effectively ‘off’ to nap or whatever, then fine.

DH might do similar very occasionally, and so might I - we don’t have children yet though, although one due next month.

Certainly at 30 I was doing a lot more going out and staying out late if not all night. I wasn’t married with kids then though.

[museumum]

I never stay out late because I’m too sleepy but there is a joy in having no curfew occasionally and going out without watching the clock at all. I’d love to relax that much. So long as it’s not a weekly occurrence and you get to do whatever you like to do to relax can you not work with it?

[user1481840227]

It sounds pretty harmless and you said it's not a regular thing so I think YABU.

5-11 would fly by with a group of friends having fun so they're probably not ready to go home.

I don't get why he'd be totally exhausted and grumpy the next day though though unless he's a massive lightweight lol so i'd be telling him to cop on about that.

My ex was a problem drinker and if I met someone knew I wouldn't tolerate randomly staying out, regular massive drinking sessions, not knowing where he is or so on. If that happened i'd end the relationship......but something like this wouldn't bother me one bit!

[user1481840227]

*new not knew

[BluebellForest836]

I think YABU.
You already said it’s not often and there’s no reason he has to give you a time he might be home. He’s a grown man!
Is it really that much of a problem, can’t you get on with your day the next day.
I go out once every 6-8 weeks and come home about 4-5am and I never give a time il be back. I may be a mum but I’m entitled to a bloody life and to do my own thing.

[mindutopia]

Can he not just go to stay the night with friends? Dh and I don’t see close friends often (they now live quite far away as we have all dispersed as we got older). So he goes to stay with them for the night or weekend (obviously not at the moment though). He has a great time and a lie in and doesn’t bother me or wake dc coming home in the middle of the night. I do the same.

[Seasiderabbit]

Manchild. Pathetic. Do you get the same amount of time in hours, childfree, to do your own thing with no time restrictions?

He shouldn't be disturbing his young child. Imagine if you were just selfish and said "that's just the way it is." how would be respond?

My OH sometimes has late nights at home and is grumpy the next day. I have zero sympathy. His choice. No special treatment. He still has to do his fair share.

[NoraLuka]

DP does this and keeps nagging me to join them but I’d rather be at home reading a book

I don’t mind but we don’t have dc together and if he spends the next day lying around it doesn’t really make any difference to me or the kids.

I think it’s ok as long as you also get time to do your own thing, where you don’t have to say when you’ll be back etc.

[rvby]

Lots of folk do this, I personally don't but I'm not a night owl. Dp very occasionally stays out very late - maybe once a year. He's teetotal and doesnt touch drugs, for him its just a case of FOMO.

If your dp does this regularly and you dont like it, your solution is basically dump him or learn not to let it bother you... or, let it bother you I guess. But he isn't going to change. Whether you think he is being unreasonable doesn't really matter that much tbh.

[audweb]

Depends how often he does it and if you get child free time as well whether or not it’s unreasonable, because it’s not just a man thing. Give me half the chance and I’ll be up and out with friends till 3/4/5am and I’m almost forty, but I’m a night owl who does like to drink/dance/hangout with friends. I have a child, so it doesn’t happen that often but when she’s at her dads even if I’m not out I’m up till 3am. Some of us just like late nights. It’s more does he pull he weight equally otherwise, and how often do you get to go out and see people?

[peach1234]

I'm assuming with lockdown he's not seen any of his friends and barely been out for months? Cut him some slack he's arranged it and given you notice and been honest about when he'll be home. What's the problem. If it was the other way round and you were on here saying he doesn't like you going out with your friends he'd be labelled controlling

[WildOrchids67]

A few of my male friends who are in their 30s do this regularly, though they don't have families. I sometimes join them.

[Divebar]

Who cares if he’s playing PlayStation? What’s the problem? Honestly I despair of people that they think life has to stop because children come along. Let’s all put our slippers on and get under the slanket and watch TV every night instead. . Especially as he’s sooooo ancient. I seriously would be having words with my OH if they sought to rein me in on my occasional late night - every if I did need a 1 hour nap the next day.

[SingingInTheShithouse]

They don't, mine rarely has & if he has it's been for a reason, such as travelling to another town for a gig etc

[Badhairday101]

I have children and do this, although not video games just out with friends probably one every few months. I always think I'll be in early and I never am as I'm having a good time.
At least he is honest OP and says he'll be in late.
My partner does the same as me, we both just say have a fun night. I'd hate for somebody to be watching the clock waiting for me to get home, I'm not a teenager.