Ex husband is a twat

[Ail12385]

Hey so my exh and I split up a couple of years ago and there have been a lot of disputes since, mostly regarding money. Would be interesting to hear your thoughts.

Firstly our shared house was under his name and he paid all the bills related to that and our shared sons childcare. Aside from that I paid everything else and spent a few years either at home with our son when he was born or at uni. So he got to keep the house and paid me a token amount to buy me out.
Another point to note is that we bought that house in a more expensive area so our son could go to a good school.

Once all that had been sorted he started asking if I would contribute towards our sons childcare (approx 350 per month). I said no because I wasnt claiming child maintenance at the time and had every right to do so, so I certainly wouldnt be giving him money.
He said if I wouldnt pay that he would cancel the childcare. And if I claimed child maintenance he would be forced to move house, meaning our son would have to move school.

Am I being unreasonable or is he definitely a twat?

[Greysparkles]

I think it's a bit off that he pays for childcare on your days tbh.

[PositiveLife]

I'd expect you to claim child maintenance from him because you have DC more nights than him. You should pay for childcare on your days (as those are the days you are responsible for providing care for your child)

[Scrumpyjacks]

I never understand how people get in this situation. You both had the child together, you gave split the days as equally as you can. You pay for childcare your days and he pays his days. Done. It's not about 'making money off him' as you put it. It concerns me that you think that way. I think your ex is actully being very fair

[Ail12385]

I just feel that if I claim cm I will be judged by friends and family. That's why I wanted an impartial opinion.
If i pay for childcare for my days and he pays for his days, why should he pay me cm? I am as much financially responsible responsible for my child as he is. That's how people will see it. And claiming money from him legally rather than working it out amicably between us will cause our coparenting relationship to suffer, having a negative effect on ds.

[Ail12385]

@Scrumpyjacks I'm not trying to make money off him I just think that's how people will see it. I am entitled to claim child maintenance. So why shouldn't I?
So you think it is fair for him to ask me for money, even although I have kindly not claimed cm yet. And threaten to cancel the childcare for my days if I dont pay him?

[Tinkity]

How much does your ex earn?

Based on him having your DS 3 nights a week, your ex would have to be earning £68k to pay you £350 a month in maintenance which is what you say he’s paying for childcare at the moment. If he earns less than this then actually he’d be better off NOT paying for childcare & just giving you maintenance instead.

I actually looked into the cm. If exh has ds more, he would still owe me cm. Because we decided to put child benefit in my name when he was born.

This is out of date information now. There was a change in 2017 / 18 which means child maintenance is no longer enforced for 50/50 care.

[Scrumpyjacks]

Yes I do think it's fair for him to ask you to pay for childcare on days you are responsible for your child's care.

[Ail12385]

@Tinkity yes he would be better off paying cm. I looked at the calculator and it said roughly just under 300. So he would be paying 300 towards ds. And the remaining 50 would be covered by child benefit. I would pay nothing out of my own pocket. My point is I feel that people may judge me for this.

[Ail12385]

@Scrumpyjacks then do you think it is unfair for me to claim child maintenance if I am paying childcare for my days?

[unicornsarereal72]

Have you done a calculation on CMS website? My ex is a significant earner (compared to me). And has the children one night a fortnight. His child support is around £650. My understanding is that for 50/50 care child support was limited?

I agree with others childcare on your days is your responsibility.

Separate the 2 things out and see what the ££ come too.

[Scrumpyjacks]

Yes I do. Because he is still caring for his children and meeting their needs in a 50/50 split. He pays for them on his days and you pay for them on yours. He is presumably paying childcare on his days so you should too. IF it wasn't a 50/50 split then it would be different, but it's as split down the middle as it can be (due to there being an odd number of days in the week).

[Lockdownsucks]

You should be paying for childcare for the days that you use it. You seem very entitled

[Lockdownsucks]

Wow just noticed your post about "making more money off him"

[Ail12385]

So the legal system says he should be giving me around 300 a month. But I should discard that and instead give him around 150 a month? Is that what you're saying?

[Doyoumind]

I would be surprised if you were due £300 per month for one child when you only have him one day more per week, unless your ex is earning an enormous salary.

You should pay for childcare on your days. That's how it goes.

[Scrumpyjacks]

If you're an entitled and selfish person, go through cms, if you're a fair person take responsibility and pay for your children's childcare on the days you are responsible for

[unicornsarereal72]

Have you discussed this with him.

Tell him you agree you should pay the child care for the days you are responsible for. And that the CMS has calculated x amount for support. And ask him if he wants to proceed with both these things. Or just leave things as they are.

[dicksplash]

I would use the cm as a guide to how much your ex should pay given you have the child slightly more - I wouldn't imagine it would be very much. You then should be either paying your own childcare on the days you have him or split it 50/50 - depending on split if time - eg if ex has weekends then its not fair you pay more because his proportion of days don't require as much childcare as yours.

I think your ex is has made a reasonable suggestion. You almost have dc 50/50 but he is proposing to pay a bigger proportion of childcare to compensate to extra night. It does depend on how you split other costs eg clothes, clubs, school trips etc. If he is reasonable about that then essentially its one extra day a week feeding your dc and that doesn't cost a great deal.

[aceyace]

You wouldn't be giving him the money for childcare though, it would go to the childcare provider.
However, It's a tricky one, and I would possibly offer him the CB amount (80ish) for childcare and not claim the cms to keep things amicable and not loose the house and see what he says.

[Beautiful3]

You're responsible for childcare on your allocated contact days, so yes you should pay towards it. The maintenance is a seperate issue. If you're entitled to it, then claim it.

[Foxsakemum]

I don't understand why you would expect him to keep paying for all of your sons childcare when you are no longer together and have no shared outgoings? If my ex asked me to pay for all of the childcare I would rightly tell him no. I dont know how much CM you can claim from him anyway as he has your son half the time. You are the only one benefiting from this. Surely you pay half each? He has all his own expenses AND all of the childcare? I expect if you claimed CM from him he would actually be in a much better position financially so why don't you ask him if he would prefer that- then you split childcare 50/50. Surely you can see you're being unreasonable?

[VeganVeal]

It does certainly seem you look to be "making more money off him".

Common sense says that if the split is 50/50 you both pay for your own days, or am I missing something? And I cant believe he should be paying £300 pm CM for 4 extra days a month unless he earns a fortune.
I would certainly judge you on what you have written here

[GhostOfMe]

If cms says £300 and you're portion of child care is £150 I'd just offer him to pay the difference. So he keeps paying childcare (his own plus £150 he owes you) and gives you £150. So all up you're getting £300 of support for your child from him.

[GhostOfMe]

Oops your not you're.

Currently if your portion of childcare is £150 per month he's actually underpaying as cms is nearly £300 and effectively he's contributing £150 pounds to DC care by paying your portion of child care. If that figure is correct as being your portion he's contributing less to DC care then the bare minimum cms is set at.

[Techway]

Because of the split in childcare which is almost 50/50 then it seems that you should both be responsible for costs when the child with you.

Technically you could claim CMS but it seems it would not be reasonable since he is covering so much childcare that enables you to earn. CMS is there to support the costs for the child whilst at the main parent, such as clothes, childcare, dentist, shoes, school meals, uniforms, school trips etc. How do you handle these costs?

If you claim CMS, then you should be largely responsible for all of these costs. If you share equally then I think CMS isn't applicable.