Ending because of a wet wipe

[WetWipes101]

Been together 16 yrs, 3 kids all under the age of 10. Today I complained the toys were in a mess because my DP just throws them back anywhere. He picked up the wet wipes packet in a temper and launched it at me, which hit me on the arm.
Last week, he pushed his forehead into mine and pushed me. A couple of months ago, he smacked my arm away in a temper. This behaviour has only started happening in the last few months, he’s never laid a hand on me over the years we have been together.
I’ve decided it’s over, unfortunately I’m stuck for two weeks as we are self isolating. My son is disabled and had important treatment today, which was extremely stressful.
Just looking for support through the next couple of weeks. Not sure how I’m going to get through it. I’m so angry right now

[FlamedToACrisp]

OFFS throwing a pack of wet wipes at someone is not a "small act of violence"!!! Frankly, if my DH told me that even though I'd tidied up the kids' toys, I hadn't done it to his high standards, I'd probably throw something at him as well!

Your DH's behaviour has changed recently, but has yours, too, or have you always got annoyed about minor details and tried to micro-manage how he does things?

Please note I'm not saying the forehead thing is a minor issue. Smacking away your arm might be, depending on whether you were lovingly stroking him, or trying to tickle him even though he'd asked you to stop twice.

I am absolutely in favour of people walking away from abusive relationships, but yours doesn't sound like one to me. It just sounds like you both need to communicate and try harder, and cut each other a bit of slack.

[Carlottacoffee]

Well you were very close to being head butted. He must have really been fighting his anger not to fully do it.

He is a nasty aggressive bully. Is this you want for your kids to see?

[CaraDune]

What Littlewing said: do not tell him your plans.

He has escalated to violence. It will in all probability get worse, and telling him you intend to leave could be very dangerous.

Make a list of what you will need (somewhere safe that he won't see). It should include documents - passports, birth certificates, copies of things like the mortgage agreement, bank passwords, print outs of statements showing how much is in the accounts at the time of leaving, insurance policies.

Have your travel plans arranged - you can, for e.g., book tickets to where ever you intend to move to (are you going to your mums?)

[SunshineCake]

You don't have to stay because it might be lockdown related, or because you have been together a long time. You want out so you can get out. Some posters really need to raise the bar or ask permission before they post such dangerous shite.

[gamerchick]

It sounds like you're in a really dangerous position. He's crossed that line already, it could be just a matter of time before he really hurts you OP.

To need a plan and more importantly you need the resolve to ring the police if that day comes so he's removed from the house.

Do you have someone IRL you can contact. Once you start talking about it, it gets brought out of hiding.

[billy1966]

OP,
Have you thought of contacting 101 and reporting him?

You have a child with special needs.

He should leave.

Not you.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

I don't think some have read your update, OP!

It's been a couple of years since he PUNCHED HER

OP has tried twice after violence to patch things back together. She needs to be supported in her resolve to make these last aggressive acts the catalyst for her leaving, for good.

[Carlottacoffee]

@FlamedToACrisp

OFFS throwing a pack of wet wipes at someone is not a "small act of violence"!!! Frankly, if my DH told me that even though I'd tidied up the kids' toys, I hadn't done it to his high standards, I'd probably throw something at him as well!

Your DH's behaviour has changed recently, but has yours, too, or have you always got annoyed about minor details and tried to micro-manage how he does things?

Please note I'm not saying the forehead thing is a minor issue. Smacking away your arm might be, depending on whether you were lovingly stroking him, or trying to tickle him even though he'd asked you to stop twice.

I am absolutely in favour of people walking away from abusive relationships, but yours doesn't sound like one to me. It just sounds like you both need to communicate and try harder, and cut each other a bit of slack.

I’d you miss this bit??

Last week, he pushed his forehead into mine and pushed me

Do you know how horrible intimidating that is? I do. It’s normally the prelude to a head butt.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Bugger! I have now re read OPs posts and can clearly see it is me who cannot read

Forgive me. My only excuse is I am being slept on by a hot and very farty dog!!

[DeerHeart]

@CuriousaboutSamphire

I don't think some have read your update, OP!

It's been a couple of years since he PUNCHED HER

OP has tried twice after violence to patch things back together. She needs to be supported in her resolve to make these last aggressive acts the catalyst for her leaving, for good.

Eh? No she said he hasn’t punched her but two years ago she didn’t think he would show this aggression.

This behaviour is new, as she said in the original post.

[Cocobean30]

Can’t believe people are suggesting trying g to get couples counselling he’s abusive, well done for taking decisive action.

[picklemewalnuts]

@Winter2020

If I had been with my husband 16 years and he had started to become angry and aggressive in the last couple of months I would ask him if he was willing to go for counselling/speak to his GP/ explore if he might be depressed - try medication, before I left. But you must do what’s right for you. Would you like to try to get things back on track or are you over it and just want rid?

If I'd been with my husband 16 years and I started to behave like that I'd damn well apologise and get myself some treatment ASAP.

[CaraDune]

I can't believe people are reading "pushed forehead against mine", "smacked my arm and it hurt", "threw packet of wet wipes at me" and not seeing this as domestic violence. What is with some people and their shitty apologism for domestic violence.

OP - you do need to go through with leaving him, but tread safely. Since he is WFH and therefore around all the time, when you are ready to leave I suggest a phone call to the police to get someone to come round and make sure you are safe while you leave, especially as one of your children has disabilities.

[gamerchick]

OFFS throwing a pack of wet wipes at someone is not a "small act of violence"!!! Frankly, if my DH told me that even though I'd tidied up the kids' toys, I hadn't done it to his high standards, I'd probably throw something at him as well!

Really? That isn't ok. Throwing something at someone in anger is never ok.

[istheresomethingishouldknow]

Did someone above actually ask if OP was willing to try to get tings back on track?!?

WHat the actual fuck. OP HASN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG! She's the victim, not the abuser. She is not responsible for trying to get her Partner's behaviour back on track, FFS.

[WetWipes101]

He keeps apologising for his behaviour. Not for the physicals ac

[Gulabjamoon]

@FlamedToACrisp he is abusive and your comments are very dangerous

[GilbertMarkham]

Last week, he pushed his forehead into mine and pushed me.

That's actually worse than the wet wipes thing (to me anyway) though none of them are good, and you're not ending if over him throwing, and hitting you with wet wipes; you're ending it over repeated physical aggression, with direct contact on two occasions and an object on the third.

The only thing I could suggest is something like the every man project where he, not you as a couple of you, but he gets "help" with full responsibility and acknowledgement that it's utterly unacceptable, abusive actually, behaviour .. but I know many people wouldn't hold out much hope for him stoping and never ever behaving like this again.

Even if he did, of course you'd be justified in leaving him (as you could if you wanted to for any reason whatsoever).

[TryingToBeBold]

Why can't you go now?
Has the appointment today put you at such a risk you need to stay at home for 2 weeks?

[chatterbugmegastar]

Get your ducks in a row, OP. And when you're ready you can leave. How is your son?

[GilbertMarkham]

*not you as a couple, or you, but he ..

[WetWipes101]

Sorry pressed post by accident

He keeps saying sorry for non physical acts. The shouting and calling names. He apologised for being verbally abusive the other day, and when I told him I was sick of the apologies and I wasn’t accepting it, he stormed off in a huff.
He keeps trying to intimidate me with his body without touching me. He’s a big guy and naturally very muscly, and I think it annoys him more that I’m not intimidated by him. He doesn’t have control and it must really rile him up inside. Maybe that is why he constantly puts me down all the time.

[june2007]

If this is new behaviour then it is a real cause of concern and he needs to get some help. However you do not need to be there, that is on him not you.

[Happymum12345]

I know it’s not right at all & violence is never acceptable. If this is new behaviour, then I think you owe it to yourself to question why. 16 years together is a long time to get to know someone.

[WetWipes101]

Tryingtobebold I have just been in a hospital where there is COVID. we have been told to self isolate